I am Peeves, and I'm an advice columnist for Demon Lime. Since that goddamn idiot boss of mine, Eric, fucked up my section of the site, I'm moving it here for a while. Send me a message with your question, and I might answer it. Or, if you must, send it to me at impeeves@yahoo.com. Got that? Good loser, now get lost. These are the last questions I actually answered on my website: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? If you're someone who really needs advice, that's fine -- go ahead and ask me. But only if you need REAL advice and have a REAL question. Got that? So if you're one of the losers who sends me nonsense bullshit questions, here's some advice: get a goddamn life, dullard. Who the hell do you think you are? Now that we have that settled, on to one of the oldest -- and most bullshit -- philosophical questions of all time. Dear Peeves, Seeing as you're so smart, tell me which came first chicken or egg? -- G. G. -- Remember in school when they told you "there's no such thing as a stupid question"? They lied. Your question is unbelievably stupid. Why? Because the question is purely semantic. The only real difference between a chicken and an egg is the word you use to describe it. At least as far as nature is concerned. So shut the hell up before I throw a carton of eggs in your direction. -- Peeves Dear Peeves, hey, go here and we both get a free ipod pretty pretty please :) [url removed] -- M. M -- Goddamn it. Fuck sending people advertisements, fuck pyramid schemes, and most importantly FUCK YOU. I don't want to ever get shit like this from you -- or anyone else -- ever again. Have I made myself clear on this issue? Do I have to ram my boot down your fucking throat? -- Peeves Dear Peeves, can a living human be genetically modified.? ie not during fertilsation but a already human -- E.S. E.S. -- What is this, a pop quiz? Look dullard, I don't know who you're planning on genetically modifying but it had better not be me. If you come within 10 feet of my house, you're going to have a baseball bat in the goddam chest. Understand? Now get lost, freak. -- Peeves Dear Peeves, me just want to know how me can get outside safely without the damn people from immigration arresting me to send me back mexico... me really like being here with the gringos can you help me? -- P. P. -- No. -- Peeves Links: http://www.askpeeves.com/, http://www.demonlime.com/