Page name: The Life of me [Logged in view] [RSS]
2007-11-06 18:45:31
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Do not read if you are faint of heart.

This is a story, a very true, very sad story: There once was a little boy. This little boy only wanted to make his mother proud of him. When he was little, he would tell his mother what he did at school, and how he felt, in a pitiful attempt to make his mother proud. But instead of making his mother proud, it would make her angry. Instead of telling him good job, or nice try, she would tell him that it wasn’t good enough, or he wasn’t doing it right. No matter how hard this little boy tried, he couldn’t make his mother proud. And than the little boy died. Not physically, no; that would have been too easy for him to die physically. He died mentally and emotionally at the ripe old age of six, constantly consumed by a never ending hatred for himself, thinking he was useless. Life went on like this, everyday a painful day of waking up and asking himself if he was any good. When this little boy was ten, his mother married his stepfather. This little boy hated his stepfather, but his mother married him anyways. Things went from bad to worse. Constantly, the stepfather would yell and berate the little boy, further killing him inside, thinking that everything was all good, they didn’t notice the change in the little boy. When this little boy turned about twelve, he met another little boy, one who had it a lot worse than he did. The first little boy cried for the second little boy, and made a descsion. He would be strong for the other little boy, be a shoulder for that other little boy to cry on. And for the first time, the first little boy felt wanted, needed. He felt a little bit of life return to his heart. He felt like finally, he was making someone proud. But alas, it was too good, and his parents took away this little boy’s friend, the other little boy, and this little boy suffered for it, both dying even more on the insides, now consumed by raw hatred for life, and a hell bent anger towards adults. The little spark of life that the little boy felt vanished, making his heart colder and angrier than ever. Soon, this little boy, turned into a young adult, who learned that there was nothing for him in the world. When said boy was fourteen, he met another boy who was thirteen. They became friends, and they loved each other. Two months after meeting each other, they shared their first kiss, and two months after that, they had sex for the first time. They really loved each other, and a little bit of life returned to this young adult’s heart. His friend, and now boyfriend, introduced him to two sites, where the young adult made some friends, close trustworthy friends that he loved and valued more than his own life. But this all took a drastic turn, when the young adult was kicked out of his home, twice, and yet, social services, and the police forced this young man back into this house, where all this young adult feels is pain. This young adult continues to make friends and meets a boy, who he instantly falls in love with. The young adult told his boyfriend, but his boyfriend was okay with it, and the young adult became happy. When the young adult wouldn’t here from this other boy, he became sad, and often blamed himself for it, thinking that like he always had in the past, he scared the other boy off, and it depressed him. But the other boy came back, and told him why he was really gone, and than this young adult was happy. But alas, again, good things could not last. Now, this young adult and his boyfriend can no longer spend the night together, which is bad for this young adult, because he needs to feel the safety of his boyfriends arms wrapped around him for him to sleep peacefully. He is no longer allowed to talk to his friends on-line, and it hurts him and makes him sad. Finally, on November 5, 2007, this young man did not consider, did not wish, but almost ended his life. The only reason he was unable to, was because at the last second, he thought of his friends, who he loved, and the pain they would feel. And than, he thought of something his boyfriend had said to him, “if you die, I will soon follow” and this young adult could not bring himself to cause his friends that much pain, and could definitely not end the life of his boyfriend selfishly, because he loves his boyfriend, and he wants his boyfriend to live up to his full potential. This is the sad and true story of a little boy, growing up into adulthood before his time. This is the sad, true story of how my parents murdered my spirit, and almost murdered me all together, without ever even laying a finger on me. The funny part is, they have no idea.

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2007-11-07 [Lyeria]: *cries and huggles* I-hic love-hic you-hic so much!

2007-11-07 [A work in progress]: Awww. Please don't cry, now I'm going to start crying. *Cries and returns huggles*

2007-11-07 [Just Alex.]: omggg i started crying. =[

2007-11-07 [A work in progress]: yeah...please don't cry! *huggles*

2007-11-08 [{SaRcAsTiC *lOsS *oF *tHe* SuBcOnSiOuS}]: I am so sorry...... i didnt know.... you are a very awesome person and i love you to death..... i too started crying.... :(

2007-11-08 [A work in progress]: Thank you. Please don't cry though, it makes me sad when my friends cry.

2007-11-08 [A work in progress]: I created a part two, to reflect how I feel mentaly, to show some emotion.

2007-11-08 [making love to a corpse.]: Moooommmmyyyyy!!! *Hugs tightly and cries* Why do the worst things happen to the best people? Why do the people who truly deserve happiness ALWAYS get the short end of the motherfucking stick?! Mommy, please remember that we love you, and that, no matter what those sickos say or do to you, you're a beautiful person and you deserve so much more than mere happiness. You know that, right?

2007-11-09 [A work in progress]: Because, unfortunetly, thats how life likes to work. I apreciates your love much, very much.

2007-11-24 [A work in progress]: Yes, actually I would have.

2007-11-25 [A work in progress]: what the hell are you talking about?

2007-11-26 [Lyeria]: Umm, excuse me, this is my lover you're harassing

2007-12-10 [Aileana]: Actually, from a psych standpoint, Damen makes a good point. Did you turn to males because your mother ruined your image of females? And would you still have loved that boy even if there was no sexual involvement whatsoever? Assuming the story is true, and please forgive my cynicism here, I'm glad you did not kill yourself. However, you need help from a professional who's trained in child abuse cases.

2007-12-10 [A work in progress]: I am getting professional help. And the answer is yes, I would still lover them. One of them, there is no more sexual involvement, but I still love him, and the other, I often refuse sex because it gets painful sometimes, and I like sex to be something special, not just something you do. I only say I love someone when I do. I have lost to much in this life, seen to many people I care about get hurt to say "I love you" frivolously, like the word grows on trees. They are the only two people besides my family (Including my on-line family, cause I love them so much) who I say I love you to.

2007-12-11 [Lyeria]: I feel honored to be one of those people ^_^

2007-12-11 [A work in progress]: Hai, Koi-san. You are very important to me.

2007-12-11 [Lyeria]: *kerfluffles*

2007-12-11 [A work in progress]: ^^ RAWR COOKIE CRISPS

2007-12-11 [Lyeria]: ^_^ *smewch*

2007-12-11 [A work in progress]: Goofy. *Hugs*

2007-12-11 [Lyeria]: Am not -_-'

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