so i have been gone a few days away from my parents and what not, and i could have never been happier. when i get home not even five mintues later everything starts back up, i mean you would think that they would just give up or at least forget about it, but no, all that they want to do is piss me off and make me feel like i am nothing.... which i am starting to believe... i knew that being away from them is a bliss that would end as soon as i walked into that door. i really wish that they would leave me be and let me at least pretend that i am happy, wait, i do that anyways... well i hate life and the people that make life feel like it's pointless. god must hate me that much to do that to me...
..............
wait no i do have something to say....
FUCK GOD AND EVERYTHING THAT HE STANDS FOR... I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP BECAUSE HE WISHES IT... I'M GOING TO PISS HIM OFF... IN WHATEVER WAY POSSIBLE! THE THINGS THAT WE GO THROUGH, IS NOTHING BUT A JOKE TO HIM... WELL FUCK HIM!! I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING BUT WHAT I BELIEVE IS NESSIARY! I'LL DO WHAT I PLANNED TO DO AND GET OUT OF THIS HELLHOLD AND GET AWAY FROM THIS TORMANT...
yea i think that i'm done for the time being...
ok, i went to a local band thing, for my friends b-day and i've got to say that watching hardcore dancers are the greatest and the funniest things in the world, even more so when your best friend, monic goes out there and hardcore dances that is the craziest shit in the world. well anyways they are very entertaining to watch. lmao.^ ^
lots of things running through my head, hell it's even giving me a headache, but no matter how hard they try to make me change my mind or how many tears my ex cries, i'm not changing my mind, i just wish that i didn't have to keep dealing with this bull shit anymore, but oh well, nothing much that i can do because i'm not going to try or make them feel better just because they want something that i don't. why can't people see that they are slowly killing me on the inside? why does things like this happen to me, i can barly trust anyone, except for like two people and they are on here, and not physically here with me to help to feel better, why is everybody on my ex's side? why has he turned everyone against me? i didn't want to be with my ex anymore and all i want is to be with the one that i truly love and nothing will stop me from loving him... why can't anyone see that i just want to have some kind of happiness, and when i finally get to have it, people put me on a guilt trip for leaving my ex, i didn't want to be with him anymore, and i didn't want to be hurt, anymore... why can't anyone see that?
this is from my greatest and bestest friend in the world, she wrote this for my birthday, it was one of my favorite presents...
you were always there when i needed you
you were my shoulder when i needed to cry
you are forever my sister
and for you i would die
i shall always be there for you
i shall be there when you need me
i shall be at your wedding
say the word and there i'll be
no one could ever replace my sunshine
i love you always and forever
i am greatful for all of your kindness
i will never leave your side, never
so have a happy birthday
and remember mines in May!
-Monic Armendariz
i love this, and i will always love her even in the darkest of times...
goodbye to all that read this, everything keeps getting worse by the second i dont think that i can take it anymore. i'm sorry.
today i am sad my sister killed her self the other night and just found out. she was 9 months pregant. the baby live but just barely. now the baby has no mother and the father isn't to found yet. life is hell but a child can make it beautiful.
;)
y can't ppl get a clue that i'm broken inside