So I started on my painting today. I'm really happy about it. I think it looks good. It could stand to be better, but for my first painting (with acrylics) its good. I'm really enjoying painting it.

I also wrote a new phrase thingy the other day. I like it a lot :)

The last couple days I've felt like crying. It might be because of Dillon, it might be because of something else. I just feel so alone lately. I mean, Joey doesn't talk to me, Dillon doesn't want to. None of the people at school are worth talking to about my problems cause they will tell everyone, and it will just cause drama. Christian and Mark say I complain too much. Maybe I do. Perhaps I should just keep things to myself for a while. It's just...hard. it seems almost as if I'm supposed to feel lonely. Like I'm destined for lonesome. I think thats crazy though. It sounds a bit immature.

So I saw Sean (a guy I like) holding hands with his new gf. well, that was a great end to my day. X( haha, now that sounded immature. Oh well. I never said I was the most mature. It is only a crush, and I know that it wouldn't go anywhere. I guess its just those stupid hormones.




damn those Dark haired, dark eyed bastards. XD




This has been blog entry number 5.

I have to say, I'm not nearly as sad as I was the other day. I guess letting go is getting easier for me. XD though if someone else saw how many goodbye messages have been going back and fourth between me and him, things would be different. XD. One thing I do wonder though is, why would someone that says they have been sober for 2 weeks make a profile, less than 2 weeks ago, that says they like drinking champagne? heh. Idk, guess it doesn't matter. It's not my life, nor is it my problem. Makes me wonder if he lied about it though...guess I'll never know.

I have two tests tomorrow, and I'm freaking out. It's scary cause one of them determines if I have to take a final! OH MAN! lol

I'm trying to get healthy again, at least partly until when summer starts, in which I'll start working out more and stuff. I'm drinking clear sodas, trying to get myself back onto water slowly. I don't like diving into a new habit, it seems when I do I always end up failing after a while, so I'm gonna take this one slow. Hopefully I'll be able to get back in good shape. I'd like that.

This has been blog entry number 4.

haha 3 entries today. Its been an interesting day lol.

Well, I've said my goodbyes, and he has said his. It's still hard, especially considering the wound is still fresh. Heh. I guess I'll live, I mean, maybe this will make me stronger. I have been trying to work on being able to let people go, so maybe it'll help me. It's still hard though, but no one ever said life was easy right? (I think they did, but you get what I mean)

If you read this, which no one probably does, then check out Maria Mena. She's an amazing artist. Love her music.

This has been blog entry number 3.

Well, I'm not going to lie about it, it hurt a lot. It's been such a long time since I've been really 'active' on this website, and coming back, hearing from him, was kind of a refreshment. It's been a really long time since I talked to Dillon, I mean, he was one of my main reasons for even coming back on here. I missed his friendship a lot, and he is/was one of the most influential people in my life. I mean, he helped me grow SOOOOO much, and I'm so thankful for that. I guess things between us got a bit personal, which I can understand. I mean, I put him through so much shit, and he didn't deserve it. Apologizing doesn't take that away, no matter how much I wish it did. When he said that he didn't want to talk to me though, man. It was like a million bricks being thrown at me. I even feel like I'm gonna cry, but idk. I guess its his decision, you know? If he doesn't want to talk to me, for whatever reasons, then I suppose I can't force him to. I wouldn't want him to either, especially if it was something he didn't want to do. I can't say it doesn't hurt though.

I guess there are still feelings there, you know? I mean he was someone I looked up to quite a bit, loved in a way, more than I should have I would like to think. I put him on such a high pedestal that it wasn't a surprise that he fell from it. I do that too much I think, but I'm learning from it. I guess its all for the best.

I just realized that no one ever really writes journals on here anymore. It's all quizzes or something. I guess its weird to write a blog on a journal page too though...heh. Oh well.

This has been blog entry number 2.

Alright, well Its been such a very long time. OH SO LONG, since I've been on here. I just realized the other day, I don't remember any of the people in my relations. O.O oops! lol. I don't know what to do now. Should I message them, or delete them all? omgz! I just don't know what to do now.

I just found out that one of my friends has been drinking. I don't know if any of you know me, but I'm against drinking and drugs and stuff. Now don't get me wrong, I don't care if you're 21, and drink socially. That doesn't bother me, BUT I hate when people my age (17 or so) drink. I mean, its so stupid. Most of the people here do it cause they want to be "cool" I mean fuck, why the hell is that cool? So you get wasted and can't remember it. Thats so fucking amazing! Lets do this every night! *looks excited!* -sighs-. I mean...why not do something more fun? like go to a concert? or go into a grocery store and dance in some random isle? Isn't that fun!?!?. No wonder I have no friends. XD

I have a burrito, and no batteries for my remote. I should get off my fat ass and go get some. I'm too lazy.

This has been blog entry number 1.