Well, my little panic attack over the club has passed. Dan told me that all he did was dance with a few girls. I guess I'm okay with that, I just don't like the idea of contact. So, if they weren't grinding or holding each other, I guess I can't complain. Hell, if I went to a club without Dan, I'd want to be able to dance with some guys. I guess it just makes me jealous. Those girls got to dance with my boyfriend and I didn't. It seems a little unfair, but what can I do? Dan was going to come by my house at 2:00 this morning after he and Troy left the club. Unfortunately, C-470 was blocked off and he couldn't get to my house. That made me sad but things happen for a reason, I suppose.
   I'm going to be driving up to see Dan tomorrow to help him move out of his apartment. Long story about that. Apparently there's a lot of shit that needs to be boxed and put into storage. So, I'm going to go help with that. God, I want to see him so fucking bad! There aren't words that can describe what I feel right now or to make you understand how much my heart longs to be with him again.
   I've almost got everything I need to make the big move to college. I'm a little bit apprehensive, but at the same time, I feel like I just want to get the fuck away. I want this change so bad. Everything seems so monotonous right now. I need something to happen. I just want to be with my friends and my boyfriend, away from home and somewhat on my own. God, I'm going to make myself start crying, what with talking about all these things I want so bad.
   Also, I'm mourning the loss of some very nice lip gloss...

   First thing first, I now have relations. In other news, I'm about to have a fucking heart attack! I worry too much... I know I do and I wish I didn't. You see, Dan's out clubbing tonight. I can't go since I'm not 18, or else I would have been invited. Now, Dan's never given me a reason not to trust him, but still, being the neurotic freak I am, I wonder. I create situations in my head, scenarios where Dan goes back on his word. This is the second time he's gone to a club since I've met him. (Well, actually it's the third... The second time, I went with him to the Grizzly Rose on family night). The first time he went, he didn't do anything, or at least, that's what he's told me. I believe him, though. I've also talked to his best friend, who's informed me that A. Dan's honest and B. He wouldn't do anything like cheat on the one he loves. So, right now, I'm taking deep breaths and trying to reassure myself that everything will be all right. I know it will be, but I hate waiting. I fucking HATE not knowing. I'm the type of person who likes to know about everything or be in on everything so I can reassure myself with valid proof that nothing is happening.
   That's the hardest part of love, for me: the trust. I've NEVER been one to put my full trust in any one person. With the select occasions that I did, I quickly learned that trusting completely was a bad idea. There's one thing in particular that I remember that's kept me from trusting. I have a friend whom I used to consider my best friend. I would tell her things in confidence, but soon there after, she would tell everyone she knew. There was also the time that I started to love a guy. When I finally told him that I really liked him, he didn't say anything! I figured he just hadn't heard me, but holy shit, I look back on it and I understand! I read "He's Just Not That Into You" and wow, that opened up my eyes. I recommend that to anyone who hasn't read it...well the girls, anyway. Unless, of course, you swing that way, but that's another topic... But really, it's hard for me to make myself so vulnerable and put so much trust in one person. If I were to lose him, I'd not only lose a boyfriend, I'd also lose a best friend and someone who was like a big brother to me.
   So, in conclusion, I hope Dan's not a cheater or else I'll have to go on that "Cheaters" show and everyone will think I'm white trash...and then I'll end up on Maury because I'm going to have his baby, but he's denying it because the stupid whore he picked up at the club tonight will tell him I'm a lying skank and he shouldn't trust me... Wow, I'm crazy... But seriously, it'll be worse if I end up on Jerry Springer...

Hm, there's a button at the top of "my house" that says I have no relations. Honestly. What makes that little box think it knows me? I have plenty of relations...I don't know where this is going...