[Skadia]'s diary
I don't deserve to make you laugh...
I don't deserve to make you cry...
I don't deserve to hold your love...
I don't deserve to be comforted from you...
I don't deserve to hold your heart cruely...
I don't deserve to make you pained...
And that is unacceptable...
I hurt you, knowing all the time...
That I love you...
That I deserved to call you mine...
To hold you in my arms...
And pretend that everything's..
Perfect.
..And I don't deserve...
..to make you cry.
The above goes to Kawakins...
I refuse to make her cry anymore...
I know [Ayame Whitepaws] is going to majorly pissed that I said I loved [On Any Given Night] still, but hey.. at least I'm not lying or going behind anyone's backs..
I'll always love you both..
I'm sorry I'm not perfect..
Goodnight... and sweet dreams...
~Slowly kisswez bof dere cheekiez, tearing swightwy.~
..v.v..
[Ayame Whitepaws]¤Make that last countdown¤
¤Will she always...¤
Eh? Looks like I screwed up on my last journal entry a little bit... ~Slightly laughs.~ Seems... Olivia wasn't the only one guilty. ~Glares at Jess.~ Meh, we're still together though, because I haven't officially broken up with her over it.. <.<;'.. Eh? It's hard! v.v;'..
..o.o;'.. I... Really need to talk to her. ^-^""..
Today has been fun so far.. I was absolutely right about my previous post!
Today, I handcuffed her, made her moan, and got her to call me, "Mistress"..
I'll leave your imagination to discover the rest!
We're staying together, so back the fuck off Olivia. >.o
-[Ayame Whitepaws]'s Lady Skadia the Rogue.
playtime was over... playtime is still over.
I'm through with the games, through with it all..
Not everything's meant to be broken.. not everyone.
I won't be broken.. I won't...
My path decided...
I'll follow it,
until the end.
¤The strange and twisted remainders of reality¤
¤softly tearing and picking at my scarred flesh.¤
¤The remaining bits of my sanity dwelling over¤
¤the edge of complete and utter insanity.¤
¤What was she hiding, but now refuses to hide? ¤
¤Why so suddenly has the darkness became reality?¤
¤Oblivions embrace awaits.. but then..¤
¤The future has not been determined yet.¤
..Err.. Sorry about the weirdo entry.. o.O;'.. Something someone said scared the shit out of me..
[Cure - Love Song]You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Okay, so I'm getting forced into going to the dentist today.. I mean, I thought I was pretty much an adult, and got to make these decisions on my own, but apparently I *HaVe* to go to the dentist today, don't ask why, because I don't know either. And chances are they're going to put that numbing crap in my mouth again, and I won't be able to go to work because I'll be a drooler and pretty much unable to talk normally. Oh joy! Dentists scare me, they hurt me last time I went. e.e;'.. And my tongue was so dry that it went into shock when I gave it water. >.<;'..
Of course, this appointment mostly means that I won't be here a lot today.. Unless I ditch work, that'd be sweet. I think I might. e.e;'
I can just blame it on my dumbass mother, because it is ALL her fault.
Well.. in a nutshell, that about explains how my day is going to go. Yay?
I gotta go brush my teeth about sixty times now. e.e;'.. I need to be "presentable" for the complete strangers that I'll never see again in my entire life! (Yeah, whatever. :\)
...I hate dentists... somebody save me... v.v;'
I had the song above stuck in my head throughout pretty much my entire shift yesterday. Today is an eight hour shift, nine if you include my unpaid hour break. ~Sigh.~ I request 3 days a week, and get five.
I'm going to miss my Kitteh.
v.v;'.. I gotta go.
I'll be back tomorrow, I have it off, I think. <3
So I request Monday and Wensday 4pm-10pm, along with sunday 9am-6pm for work, and what do they give me?
Thursday, Friday, Saturday 4pm-10pm, Sunday 9am-6pm.
Wow, I think they got it a little off, especially with teh whole four days in a row thing. Work sucks. I only wanna work 9-6 shifts on sundays though, because that's when [Ayame Whitepaws] is least likely to be here during the day.
Wish me luck! I'm SO quiting my job and finding something else after I get a new computer. :\ Lol.
Written about Thursday 2005-08-11
Written: (7044 days ago)
So, last night I was in my typical dreamworld, and it was weird... I was a nazi, and I was a low-ranked one, who thought Hitler was an asshole. Weird yet?
I rebelled against Hitler, and he fell in love with me. EW!
So... For some reason, we were in the USA, but no one cared, and it was modern day, and all dese people were asking for Hitler's autograph. >.<;'
And... yeah... that's pretty much the story.. it scared me.. very much..
.<;
[Ayame Whitepaws]Today, someone told me to go fuck myself at work today, to which I replied, "I can't, it's not friday."
I love my strange come backs, it makes people's faces literally go, "o.O"..
So much fun.
Anyways, today was a relitively easy day of work, if it was any easier I'd think that my job was hitting on pasty faced twerps like Jason.
I did some shelving, some facing.. and sat around on a cart for the rest of the night. (Four out of six hours.)
I like being paid for nothing!
The less work I do.. the more I feel I'm getting out of my job.. that's somewhat conveniant, and convinces me to work a lot less while I'm at work. Probably a bad habbit, but a lot of fun!
Tomorrow is my day off. Yippee! I'm going to update my site(s) on here to better facilitate my new relationship. :p
Might as well work a little on a day off, right?
[Ayame Whitepaws] made me a site today, which made me, "O_O" ..
Very nice, Kitteh Kitteh. I lyke already. ;)
I love her so much, so stear clear unless you want to anger the vengeful [Skadia] of dooooooooooooo
(Yeah, whatever..)
She drew stuff for me, and I'm happy, because I *love* them, almost as much as I love her. ~Huggles her love.~
Anyways, that about summerizes my day in a nutshell! Night all!
[Ayame Whitepaws]My [Ayame Whitepaws] is being eeebbbbiilll..
She *knows* I got to get ready for worky soooooon.. and she's sexually teeeaasssiinng
..Ish so mean!
Buut.. <.<;' I.. don't really mynd! ~Cough.~
Hey, you cant call me a slut for that, cuz I'm only a slut for one person! Mwahahaha!
..Otay, I gotta get ready for work in lyke an hour almost.. sooo.. >.>;'..
Byez! Gonna go spend somet ime wif my ebil love. >.<
I have some very good news, and some very bad news..
We'll start with the good news, since all I usually post is bad news...
Me and [Ayame Whitepaws] got back together on August first.. And proposed to eachother on August fifth.. So now she's my fiance! :p
That's right, getting married to the love of my lyfe.. not sure how it'll work with the whole anti-gay marriage thing.. we'll work something out! ^-^
We're haaaappppppppp
[Miya] found herself someone else, which is also good. I love it when there's a happy ending! ^.^
Otay.. now for the bad news...
TWO WEEKS without [The Darkest Star.]. >.<!
How does she expect me to survive when she goes on vacation?! Lol. >.<;'..
I'm gunna miss her SO much. >.<;'..
That about coverz it! Thankz fo' readin' peepz!
~*Sighs deeply..*~
Looks like it's going to be another day of me not seeing [Ayame Whitepaws].. God I miss her, I hope she's okay.. v.v;'
I got to go to work soon.. and.. bleh.. I really don't want to.. but I really need the money because I spent all my money.. e.e;'..
Bleh..
I just want to hold meh wub clsoe and doze off.. why does life have to be so annoying? >.<;'
You can tell which is your dominant arm when you go to work and by the end of the day one is in severe pain and shock and the other is ready to work another 9-hour shift.
My job is kind of lame, all I do is stock shelves and talk to stupid people at a conveniance store. Meh, I guess everyone has to start somewhere.
Right now I am relaxing after a long day of work, a day which took seemingly forever. Oh well, at least one of my friends worked some of the same hours as me, that was nice, a friendly face.
I.. missed my loves anniversary.. but apparently I missed much, much more than that..
Something happened today, and now I am very curious what, but all who can tell me appeared to have made themselves scarce.
I was on time coming home from work, maybe a little early, actually, but no sign of [Ayame Whitepaws].. Bleh, I thought that's how it would turn out.
Gawd I miss her.. Wherever yew are Kyootsy, yew better be alright.. ~Holds her tightwy.~
I'm listening to.. our theme song.. ^-^
I got not much more to say right now, except.. goodnight!
Mrew..
Today I was.. dragged to the store which I did clothes shopping for a few hours. :\
Worse yet: it was clothes for *work*. ~Shivers.~
I look horrible in white.. >.<;'
Meh, my first day on the job is tomorrow 9am-6pm.. and [Ayame Whitepaws] usually leaves at around 7pm.. so at most I'll only see her for like fourty minutes tomorrow.. (if at all..)
~Cwies..~
I didn't get to see her much today, either.. v.v;'..
I missle her! e.e;'
Mrew.. in other news.. Cazzikins has made me a shekshi new banner.. Which cheered meh up a lot. Thankies Cazzi! ^-^
Hmm..
[On Any Given Night] and I seem to be keeping in touch, which is good, because although I seemed cruel to her, a part of me still seeks her adoration, regardless of how I feel about her part in the whole [Kusu], [Miya], and [Ayame Whitepaws] thing..
I hope we can be friends again. >.<;'..
Olivia and Jess' one month anniversary is coming up tomorrow.. looks like I won't be here for that..
Meh..
That's probably a good thing for me, I'd probably.. y'know.. get all depressed and stuff.
Anniversarys are very.. common, seemingly..
In one day, it will be the one month anniversary of how long I've been alone. o.o;'..
Mrew..
And many more months to come, maybe.. but hopefully not..
Sorry to [Big Brother], [Dwemer], whoever else who I am neglecting EP duties from.. :\..
I'm really, y'know..
Busy..
Today was exam.. and yeah.. >.<;'..
Whoa..
Excluding the fact that I have a job now, I should be here a lot more often. Thanks everybody, and good night!
P.s:
I'm still in love with [Ayame Whitepaws], however..
I am growing close to [The Darkest Star.], and we're naturally good friends now.
They are the two I love most at this time, though I love them on different levels. ([Ayame Whitepaws] as my heart and world, [The Darkest Star.] as my closest friend and.. dare I say, most adored contact. o.o;'
Alright. I'm going to be late getting on today. I have a test, and I don't exactly want to miss it. (Will be home 12:40 or sooner.. probably.)
Tomorrow is my first day of work, too. (9am-6pm) so I wont be here much tomorrow, either.
I'll see yew all lata.. [The Darkest Star.] I wub yur new shtuff yew made, haha. ^-^
Otay! >.>;'..
<.<;'..
BB ASAP! ~Huggles all.~
Flowaz fo' teh [Ayame Whitepaws].. o.o
(Dun' ask why I talky laaaaammmmee.. o.o)
Hmm..
Well, I got the job.
three days a week, 9 hour shifts. I start saturday, 9am-6pm. It's gonna be rough for me in the beginning, but I'll survive, I'm sure.
I need the extra money, anyways. This computer has definitely had better days. Besides, I need a car, too. >.<;'
Eep.
Today was relatively good, as far as this whole emotional disorder goes.
Everything seems to be going well, and by well, I mean.. a lot less drama ever since everything started all going to hell. o.O;'
Meh..
I guess I wont miss the drama, but I will miss some of the people involved with it. >.<;'
The Wub of my lyfe ish otay, and derefore I are happy!
Hmm..
Mrew, that about covers it!
My Ebil Kitty Appwentice has a black person following her around.. o.O;'.. (Lmao, inside jokey.)
I must killy him! Bwaheheheheheh
Otay! Time to goes! <3