okies so i finally wised up and moved outta my house...took control of my life istead of letting my father make all the decisions and it feels great to be away from him. i dunno when im goin back home if i even go home b4 i have to go to college so...oh well im gonna have fun while im gone...i'll probably be on a lot more now so...hehe fun stuff :)

dream

things are not always as they seem
some things are mistaken
others are dreamed
i hope you are real
because i have fallen in love
if i believed in heaven
you'd be my angel from above
if i have to prove that to you i will
i'll spend the rest of my life showing you what i mean
only if you can prove your not a dream...

sometimes i wish i was a monkey so i could throw poo at people and it would be legel...

i've tried to get over you
but its to hard for me to do
even after all the pain you put me through
i still really love you

the proof is in my eyes
and if you could rip out my heart
it'd be there too
it's in everything i write
and in everything i say and do

i will love you till the end of my days
but you don't care
do you...
you moved on like i was just a phase
something you could just throw away
when your finished with me at the end of the day

i still love you can't you see
but since i can't have you
say goodbye to me...

happily ever after

i take them one at a time
hoping they will end my sad excuse of a life
but no matter how hard i try
i can't seem to die
as i stand on the edge
ready to jump to my death
i think about all the good times we had
i would never be able to have any again...
with anyone...
i back slowly away from the edge
i sit down and cry pitiful tears for the one i lost
realizing that yes i loved you
but death will not make you love me
i stand and walk away
realizing that there will be someone new
someone who will love me as much as i loved you
and if that someone is not you
then i guess we just weren't ment to be
yes it hurts now but i'll live
i'll change and grow
i hope you get your happily ever after
cause i know mine will come to me

want to be

i guess i missed the signs
the ones that said "for a broken heart turn here"
if i had read them
i would have driven off in fear
i wouldn't be laying on this bed
in this cold dark place
with a tag around my toe
with my name and a date
i wouldn't have put a bullet into the chamber
and from the chamber into my head
maybe if i'd read them i wouldn't be lying here dead
theres people that say they'd miss me
though i haven't seen one yet
maybe they'll turn up
maybe they're ready to forget
i hear someone crying
and they're getting closer to my bed
they pull back the sheet
and see i was shot in the head
i recognize the tears of pain
its my best friend...
i wish i could take her away from this place
i've let her down yet again
i promised her we'd be friends forever
but i put that to an end
as she walks away
i try to reach out to her
and to tell her that everythings ok
that im just sleeping
and i'll see her the very next day
as they lower my coffin into the ground
i realize that this is not where i want to be
i saw all my friends today
i realized how much i hurt them
and how much they ment to me
why have i done this awful thing
because i thought no one cared
but they really do
and this is not where i want to be

no reason to stay

i wore this mask 
so you couldn't see
the truely depressed side of me
but you found it anyway
all my fears, anguish and tears
you found everything
everything i was
and everything i now am
but do you understand
i did not choose to be like this
i did not ask for it
it is a burden i must carry
a price i pay for being me
i changed it once
but i cannot change it again
its holding me back
i've gone to far in
everyday i try to think of a way out
a way to set myself free
but i've only found one
and then everyone would hate me
my heart has been broken
i have let go of all my hopes and dreams
i hold on to all my fears and scream
i've done everything wrong
or so it would seem
is there anyone out there who can save me
pull me from this dark, dreary place
into the light so i can finally see
i thought you were the one
you could always amaze me
you always made me happy
and i almost got free
then you left
and i went back
to the sadness and grief
and now im growing mad
i cannot live like this anymore
my life has no meaning
no purpose
so end it now
go ahead take my life away
i have nothing to live for
i have no reason to stay