A LESSON LEARNED ABOUT LOVE'S PAIN

Broken and lonely, my heart turns to ice
A hand clamps over my soul, I am forsaken thrice
Once when you told me you loved me oh so dear
Twice when I believed you wanted me here
Thrice when I told you I loved you in return
Then you had me at your whim and me heart began to burn
My life at your mercy and you sucked out all the love
And me, I still believed that you were sent from above
But you're a fallen angel, dear
Fallen out of grace
And yet I still want you here
And long to see your face
You whisper that you love me, I am the only one
Who can make you smile so bright, and so my lonely heart was won
You crushed it between your fingers
Your forsaken soul to burn
My heart now burnt to cinders
Now, my love, it is my turn
I took your life between cold hands and crushed it into bits
And into a little jar I pushed it until the remains fit
You taught me not to love, and not to ever trust
But I’m not going to listen or fall to your twisted lust
My dear, but I rebuilt my heart
From ashes a new one does rise
I knew you were wrong right from the start
I’ll no longer be the one who cries
I learnt my lesson about love’s fatal hold
On that shady subject I am wise
So listen when from someone smart you are told
And you won’t be a victim to a painful surprise.

WHAT I FEEL ON THE INSIDE

Don’t leave me now
The tears I cried
When I heard that you almost died
I don’t know how
But I just knew
Something was wrong when I first saw you
I love you dearly
You can see that, clearly
My sister in everything but blood
My best friend, really
The pain that sears me
When I realised that I almost lost you, my heart spills blood
I’m shaking now, cold to the bone
And pain sits on its icy throne
‘I love you,’ I whisper, ‘very much.’
Don’t go to the plane I cannot touch
Stay with me, my sister dear
All I want is to have you here
To hold you close, to hear you say,
‘sister, I am going to stay.’
The tears spill down, my vision blurs
Is it just me, or am I cursed?
Everyone I care about is slipping away
And I don’t know what to say
I smile on the outside, while inside I scream
The laughter you see is just a screen
Emotional stress, its bringing me down
I don’t feel either safe nor sound
I scream for help, but no one comes
On the outside it seems I am having fun
I cry out, my voice ricocheting off the walls
And no one hears my pain filled calls
So please, don’t leave me, say you’ll stay
All I want is to have it that way
Shattered heart, and broken soul
In place of my heart is a big dark hole
I smile on the outside
Whilst inside I cry
Is everyone around me going to die?
I smother my screams, my cries and pleas
I break down completely, I fall to my knees
Worry fills my soul, and I begin to slide
No one really knows what I feel on the inside. 

THE LONELINESS OF A BROKEN SOUL

Darkness beckons with a blood red fist
The rays of sunshine shine down yet somehow I am missed
Left to cry in deepest shadow I contemplate my heart
But now I think back on it, it was broken from the start
Born into a life with all I could wish and more
The one I hold so close to me is the one I now deplore
She tore out my heart with my other three dear friends
And tore it into little bits that signified my end
And though they’re not aware of how I cry at night
When I think no one can hear me and I lie in bed in fright
My pitiful existence consists of my pure soul
But black it has now turned with grief and inside it lies a hole
Pitch black it slowly consumes the tainted tears
And turns them into ice along with my many heartsick fears
The sorrow buries the happiness and trust
And as I cry I hope they can hear; they must
Yet no one knows of my hidden grief
Even though my smiles are fake and brief
They never notice, that as soon as I turn away
The smile disappears like the sun on a cloudy day
The pain so clear shines in my eyes which rage like a sea tossed storm
The hurt I feel is too pronounced and comes in every form
From the pain in my eyes to the weeping at night it weighs my pure heart down
I am no longer happy I am no longer bright, my heart so heavy I could drown
I could let myself go into the deep abysses of pain
Or I could let it wash away for a moment in the pouring rain
I could let it all out in a scream of pent up rage
Or I could just hold it in and turn the page
A dreary chapter of my grey formless life
Emotionless and unmoved yet so full of burning strife
No one will listen when I scream out for help
The ones who I care about the most are harming themselves
Yet they don’t realise just how much it makes me cry
Yet I don’t have the heart to talk to them, don’t have the will to try
I am standing in a crowd yet I feel so alone
I cannot face my fears and yet I cannot yet go home
These four people who I love, and who I use those words so free
Have no idea of the scars they have inflicted upon me
My pleas for help and cries of mental pain are lost in the dark
As I silently sob in my bed at night and the scar on my heart leaves a mark
The wound that I cannot ever heal and the one who’s pain I greet
The happiness which evades me so which I so desperately wish to meet

INSIDE

My heart is breaking
My hands are shaking
Im tired of faking
My smile is flaking
My eyes hurt from crying
Inside, my soul is dying
Its too big a strain for trying
To make it seem I’m smiling
Whilst inside im black
I want my old life back
Im sorry for the lack
I seem to have lost the knack
Left here to die
I sit here and cry
I can no longer try
But this is my life.

FORGOTTEN SIN

My heart bleeds for the FORGOTTEN SIN
Crying quicksilver blood and forever cursing
Red sheets once white stained with the sorrow of my scars
Your soul rests amongst the bleakest stars
Strumming the chords of integrities lies
I run away a thousand miles
The pulsing blaze of my heart beat frozen in place
Blasphemy and cruelty burning in strong flame
To heal the scars and pierce your heart with an arrow made of stone
To lament into the black void and carry you home
To my heart, bleeding for the forgotten sin
My weakness yearns for srongness new
I find this poisonous touch residing in you
And my hearts weeping heralds the solitude I crave so dear
The sensuality of the why am I here
And my heart bleeds for the forgotten sin
And the darkness calls to take me in
As I drift along in a sea of black
Caressing and whispering to take me back
Forgotten sin known once more
My aching betrayal so battered, my heart so sore
The forgotten sin so cruel yet so kind
The evil bestowed upon your crooked mind
I would still run away a thousand miles
But here inside me all the while
Forgotten Sin I crave to touch
Smiling eyes dead, I fall to its clutch



i've decided to post all of my poems so they'll all be up here. i'll put the title at the top in capitals for each poem.

my life is shit.
i feel so broken!
why do i feel like this?
i need someone to pick me up off my feet.
please help me...