*sighs thoughtfully*
I really should thank Mrs Ciochina (cha-ki-na) for assigning us this book, Tuesdays with Morrie. Its about a guy with Lou Gerrigs (your body slowly shuts down until you die) and an old college student of his, doing one last project together, a final thesis on life and death.
Its making me think in deep, profound ways. I can't tell if its good or bad, sad or content, its something I haven't felt since I said goodbye to my grandpa a year and a half ago.
It makes me regret that I no longer have the time to talk to my friends or share my stories with them. It also makes me appreciate [how much my being here or sharing my writing may mean to someone, even if sometimes it feels like no one cares and no one listens.]
[Yes, I admit it, this is a cry for help...]
I can feel it.
Its coming again. The point at which I either break, collapse, sink into a massive ocean of angst and struggle, or stand firm, try to find a friend to help me find the strength to overcome.
I'm in a sad condition. I have many friends to lean on: I just wish one of them was a friend I didn't have to make up...
*sighs*
I wish I could talk to my friends online...
but I don't have a laptop.
I wish I could write my story and share it with everyone...
but I don't have a laptop.
I wish I could bring you the wonderfully drawn pictures I've done for my stories...
but I don't have a laptop.
I wish I could get back to the way things were, hang around, chat, draw, comment, and be there for people...
but I don't have a laptop.
And fate hates me.
Just another day in my life.
Just another bump in my road.
Just another knife in the back.
Just another cut through the heart.
Just another song left unsung.
Story unwritten.
Image undrawn.
Server not found.
Its all so depressing
Its all a soap opera
Its all going to happen again
And again
Even when I can't feel the pain anymore
Even when I'm soldiering on when all others fell away
Leave me behind
It will all just happen again.
Its the way things are. And its only going to grow.
*insert constant, vehement profanity throughout*
Great. We just got a call today from the company.
it would cost almost A THOUSAND DOLLARS to get it fixed. It took them two weeks to tell us this. Its not covered by warrenty because its physical damage that this bottom-of-the-
The log-into-messa
Kusu is apparently possessed by demons now?
meh.
T.T a day and a half. Thats all it takes for me to be hit with another WTF-ism. Meh, I'm becoming jaded to that kind of shock. Yay for the Generation Without Hope.
Spent the entire car ride home scrambling to finish reading and taking notes on The Odysee. The light faded too soon so now I've been scrambling all night to finish it up.
While on the road, I charted out the entire Legend of Inari series all the way through Act 8, and have begun preliminary work on the second series. Yep, you heard it here first. A second set of them =D I'm never going to be able to finish all of this.
God damnit, I want my laptop back already T_T
Why is it that whenever I go to school, I'm reminded that there only seem to be three kinds of teenagers in general nowadays.
1. people who hate themselves.
2. people who hate everyone else.
3. people who are too depressed to care.
23 new pictures! I already uploaded them all once to ET, I'm not doing it again here. You'll just have to use your ET name or give any comments directly to me on here in an Elfmail ^^
http://elftown
http://elftown
Whootness.
Parents and bro gone off to Indiana Beach all day to make themselves sick and woozy from roller coasters and waterparks. I on the other hand, "dont get to go" =P riiiiight. *cough*
This means, not only do I not have to pay people to scare the crap out of me (Which is why I don't get coasters, horror movies, etc) but I get the house, and the computer, to myself for several hours =D
I'm gonna grab the scanner at some point and go nuts with the uploads. And since my bro never used the puter yet today, that means I can easily cover up my tracks. I've learned its just too weird to know your sibling online. Still, I did decide to leave him the link to http://www.dom
Oh, naturally. Drama with the computer. Somehow, I just knew.
We get there and take it back, smile and walk over to have the memory upgraded. no problemo. Then while the guys going to get the new processer, I decide to take a look to see if the new audeo port plastic would be a different color. Guess what I see.
Yep, still broken.
I shrug it off, and assume that, you know, at least they'll have fixed the charge-up problem. Again, you know where I'm going with this. The guy goes to run the processor to see if its working. It turns on.
Then it turns off 5 seconds later. Its working; but the whole problem was it doesn't recharge.
You'd think the manufacturer (it was less than a year old, so we had to send it to them instead of them just doing it at Circuit City) would at least have recharged the battery, since they could surely charge the battery itself. Nope.
So we get charged &72 for them to do nothing but put a plastic sleeve over it and ship it back, after several weeks of doing nothing and several more of doing nothing but claiming they're doing something.
So now, I get to wait even longer for it to be fixed. <3 techknowledgy.
Today during Visual Com I got to scan in a picture I did at school, then touch it up in Photoshop. What I learned is, with photoshop, I can make my stuff look like I have a clue when it comes to inking. anyhow, we got a call saying my laptop is fixed, but since 'rents arent home, i'll have to wait a while longer.
dah. I just did a double take. I'm turning into an angsty little emo whore like my brother. Someone toss me some New Age music and the first comedy DVD in reach! Okay for serious now, that means I'm gonna take some time off to find reasons to smile. Like GETTING MY FREKAING LAPTOP BACK, DAMN YOU CIRCUIT CITY!!! T_T
wow, my life's gotten boring. I was almost looking forwards to my bro kicking me off the computer before remembering he's not home. I don't even know why I was looking forward to it. Maybe its because I know that very, very soon, all my boredome will be replaced with work and study.
T_T Gaaaah... I want my laptop back. If the fact that the laptop is fixed and ready to be picked up has not been made true in the next day or two, I shall...
meh, who am I kidding, if its not done for another week, it wont change much. Just another week before I'm on regularly, and a ton more pictures to be scanned in.
I can't wait until we learn animations in Visual Com. By then, I should be a better artist, and able to put some of these things in my head into motion.
My english teacher is totally insane o_o she's like, an english nazi, but in a good way. She's basically PREACHING all, Heil active reading! *thrusts arm in the air*.
Turns out I did get birthday presents today ^^
1.) A printer from the parents, for schoolwork, yes, but like the laptop, probably going to get lots of home-computer use.
2.) Another awesome music CD, FLCL Vol 2 - King Of Pirates, not as good as Vol 1 - Addict was (there are some audeo tracks from the show, but they're in Japanese ><) ie, you can't just listen through the entire cd and not want to skip a few tracks like Addict.
Still, now I've got the last few songs I wanted, like Crazy Sunshine, Blues Drive Monster, Funny Bunny and I Think I Can
@_@ Yhis new music has sent me into a frenzy of art. Now I've got almost 30 pictures to scan in, whenever the hell my laptop is FINALLY done. *grunble*
Anyhow, while some drawings are turning out awesome recently, others, half of them in fact, just crash and burn. =/ theres no pattern to it. I'll just pause, look at it, and go 'oh my god' because I never draw that bad that often X.x
rantings... merf @_@ I need my laptop
*yawn* Still bored, no one to talk to, laptop gone for a long time, school monotony. No one talks to me, so I talk to no one.
My teeth get better, I don't get to see my only IRL friend Nathan at school this year at all, bla bla bla, dads officially going to be an overbearing hawk and make sure I'm 'a good student' bla bla bla.
Everything has been beaten over the head with the "suck" stuck.
Ah, the first day of school, and routines are already settling in. Like the 15 minutes or so I have left over after getting ready to go, then leaving at 6:45 my time. (tis 6:35 as I write this)
Great, school starts tommorow and my face is swollen out like a freakin' chipmunk. At least it doesnt hurt anymore, though I'm not even gonna try to eat anything solid until after the stitches in my gums dissolve.
Last night I had a kickass dream. I landed in a place where there are 10 floors, #10 being the entrance/exit. All other 9 were games and shyt you can program, but with your mind and a little hand work. Naturally, I restyled myself as Wes. Any dream where thats the end result rocks in my opinion.
Well tommorows the first day of school; I get to be a 16 year old senior because they keep pushing back the first day of school. Someone asked when I get my presents. A while ago. Thats what WoW was. But now, my laptop's outta commission even LONGER, because they didnt even start working on it until yesterday. e_e That means it won't be fixed until sometime around the end of the month T_T
All the fun things that have happened in the past 2 weeks
1. the laptop started being a total byatch and got sent in for 7-10 days repair. unfortunately, thats 7-10 WORK days, ie, around when school starts.
2. we try to go on vacation. fate reeeealy didn't want us to.
-it started to rain like crazy
-two car tires had to be replaced, both had nails in them.
-the car battery wouldn't start, so we had to use the charger we got when bro left the AC on, and the engine off. genius. *rolls eyes*
-we had to wait for my medicine to arrive from UPS before we could go, so that delayed us until 5.
-consequently, its so late, by the time we get to our family friend's, the carolls, place, its dark. dad drives by landmarks. there are no landmarks in the dark.
-we try to call grandma (my dad's mom, the cool grandma) and the cellphone gets shytty reception, she cant hear us.
-mr caroll, dale, his cell phone keeps giving us the answering machine-type message.
we finally make it there, 10:45 their time.
-we can't get the gamecube and tv to work, so only the gc works in the bedroom, no tv.
-that night, 147 (yes i counted, you'll see why) lightning strikes, plus the caroll's kids sleeping on the couch leaving the tv on, give me flashing light all night to keep me awake.
-they're a bed short, so i have to try to sleep in a recliner, that you have to fight with to keep reclined.
-when i finally fall asleap, its 7:30 am. I have to get up at around 8 or 9 am.
-breakfast isnt gonna be ready for a few hours, and ive been starving, awake, all night with nothing to eat but a pair of slim jims i stowed in my suitcase. at least i got to go fishing.
-all day, every day, i find myself the odd man out. Dad and mom are busy talking to dale and donna, and bro's watching tv crap with trisha and anna, the caroll's kids.
at least their dog, sophie, decided she'd hang around with me. I always preferred cats over dogs but still, I'm hoping it'll help with drawing muzzles, after basically doing a mental study of the way a muzzle really looks. she had cool markings too, I'll have to work them into a drawing.
-On another rare 'positive' side, all this time alone gave me a chance to draw a total of about FIFTEEN pictures, many of them pictures I drew of songs.
Hybrid Rainbow is one of the best singing poses I've ever been able to draw, and Okay I Believe You is covered with powerful quotes, and its nice and depressing. It really fit my mood. So look for my usual duality when I post 'em ^^
-When I finally get to play just one game with dad, I'm so depressed and off, I lost to freakin' Xianguah, damn preppy bytch, with one of my best, Kilik. That hasn't happened once in about a YEAR.
at least on the last night i got to sleep on the couch. best damn night of sleep of my life.
-Time to go, and of course, car wont start again. whip out the jumper cables.
Lovely and relaxing vacation, no? actually, it wasn't all bad, but it was a soap opera all the same.
3. Yay, I get to have my wisdom teeth removed </utter sarchasm>. They kept trying to force my head through the headrest, i swear. The IV needle totally freaked me out, some of you know how much I hate them. It was better than having to get it shot directly in. Which I did have to get about 7 times in my mouth. Ow. Pricked my freaking tounge too, and that hurts afterwards. The first one was nice and easy. The second one, they went medieval on me, the only tooth they used a drill on. The third one is the one that I can tell will bug me the most, on top of my mouth. It was buried way up by the root of my molars, they only caught it in a second x-ray. At least I won't have that coming to haunt me later in life.
4. All I can say is, ow. It wasn't bad until the novacane wore off, now it feels like someone's got iron hooks on my molars and is trying to see how many ways my head can streach. I cant eat anything solid, so I'm on a "braces diet" of yougurts, jellos, and milkshakes. The pain takes out any enjoyment once obtained by eating, so consequently, you eat less, less often, and hate every moment of it. Ya loose weight fast that way.
5. Mom gave me some pills to make me feel better. Unfortunately, it was on an empty stomach. An hour later, I loose my lunch all over the carpet. It felt like I was trying to squeeze my stomach until it split in half.
6. Dads got extreme pain in his right side for almost a full day now. Mom whipped out the medical encyclopedia, luckily it can't be appendicitis or gallbladder stuff, unfortunately that means we dont know what it is, and I'm afraid to say, it might be a kidney.
Well, there ya go, all caught up. Longest entry ever.
God damn x.x its like having braces tightened only much much worse, plus my throat is giving me major grief. *sigh* at least its over, at least till I have to start trying to brush the places super-clean tommorow. Today I just gotta wait, try to stop vomiting, and hope the incisions heal and my blood starts clotting so I'm not left with empty gaps that'll take months to heal and make me need painkillers until january. and the swelling should kick in right about the first day of school so my face will look like a balloon. *sighs again* at least its partially over with.