all i can say is that....I've been dying inside. But i don't think it matters why,shit happens...

Yesterday my bf and i had so much fun.We went shopping for clothes,and jewelry. And hopefully between june and july i'm gonna try to start finding clothes for the baby. ^^

i'm so happy right now its crazy. I no longer feel as nervous as i was before.

JAPANESE
Ambition = Yabou
Beauty = Bi
Belief = Shinnen
Bravery = Yuukan
Buddhism = Bukkyou
Courage = Yuuki
The Code of Samurai = Bushidou
Desire = Yokubou
Dragon = Ryuu
Dream = Yume
Enlightenment = Satori
Eternity = Eien
Freedom = Jiyuu
Friendship = Yuujou
God = Kami
Happiness = Koufuku
Honor = Meiyo
Hope = Kibou
Ideal = Risou
Illusion = Gensou
Justice = Seigi
Legend = Densetsu
Love = Ai
Loyalty = Chuujitsu
Meditation = Mokusou
Moon = Tsuki
Nature = Shizen
Ocean = Umi
Passion = Jounetsu
Peace = Heiwa
Perfect = Kanzen
Power = Chikara
Pride = Hokori
Promise = Yakusoku
Rainbow = Niji
Respect = Sonkei
Secret = Himitsu
Sky = Sora
Star = Hoshi
Soul = Tamashii
Spirit = Seishin
Success = Seikou
Sun = Taiyou
Truth = Shinjitsu
Universe = Uchuu
Victory = Shouri
Wisdom = Chie
Achievement = Tassei
Adventure = Bouken
Ancestor = Senzo
Art = Geijutsu
Bond = Kizuna
Cooperation = Kyouryoku
Creation = Souzou
Destiny = Unmei
Dignity = Igen
Elegance = Yuuga
Environment = Kankyou
Era = Jidai
Generosity = Kandai
Glory = Eikou
Gorgeous = Gouka
Hallucination = Genkaku
Harmony = Chouwa
Hero = Eiyuu
Imagination = Souzou
Jealousy = Sh*tto
Kaleidoscope = Mangekyou
Mercy = Jihi
Milky Way = Ama no gawa
Miracle = Kiseki
Myth = Shinwa
Patience = Nintai
Planet = Wakusei
Poem = Shi
Prosperity = Hanei
Pure = Junsui
Rebirth = Saisei
Religious Faith = Shinkou
Self Confidence = Jishin
Sentiment = Kanshou
Shooting Star = Ryuusei
Silence = Chinmoku
Sincerity = Seijitsu
Solitude = Kodoku
Song = Uta
Talent = Sainou
Tear = Namida
Thought = Shisou
Tiger = Tora
Trust = Shinrai
Virtue = Kudoku
Wolf = Ookami
Accomplishment = Jouju
Baptism = Senrei
Blessing = Shukufuku
Buddha = Budda
Calligraphy = Shodou
Celebrated Sword = Meitou
Century = Seiki
Civilization = Bunmei
Constellation = Seiza
Devotion = Kenshin
Discovery = Hakken
Effort = Doryoku
Emperor = Tennou
Enthusiasm = Nekkyou
Existence = Sonzai
Experience = Keiken
Fireworks = Hanabi
Friend = Tomodachi
Future = Mirai
Hobby = Shumi
Honesty = Shoujiki
Husband and Wife = Fuufu
Importance = Juuyou
Independence = Dokuritsu
Invention = Hatsumei
Kindness = Shinsetsu
Leap = Hiyaku
Magic Spell = Jumon
Martial Arts = Budou
Martyrdom = Junkyou
Mirage = Shinkirou
Morality = Doutoku
Promotion = Shoushin
Proof = Shoumei
Religion = Shuukyou
Reputation = Hyouban
Responsibility = Sekinin
Revenge = Fukushuu
Sacred Fire = Seika
Saint = Seijin
Smile = Bishou
Superstition = Meishin
Symbol = Shouchou
Sympathy = Doujou
Tradition = Dentou
Warrior = Bushi
Winner = Shousha
World = Sekai
Wonder = Fushigi
Worship = Suuhai
Angel = Tenshi
Artist = Geijutsuka
The Art of Stealth = Ninjutsu
Awe = Ikei
Balance = Kinkou
Bliss = Shifuku
Challenge = Chousen
Change = Henka
Chaos = Konton
Choice = Sentaku
Commitment = Genchi
Conqueror = Seifukusha
Creativity = Souzouryoku
Dawn = Akatsuki
Direction = Houkou
Enigma = Nazo
Equal = Doutou
Fairness = Kouhei
Family = Kazoku
Fighting Spirit = Toushi
Focus = Shouten
Galaxy = Ginga
Goddess = Megami
Good and Evil = Zenaku
Good Fortune = Kouun
Instinct = Honnou
Journey = Tabi
Knowledge = Chishiki
Labyrinth = Meikyuu
Longevity = Chouju
Mist = Kiri
Mystery = Shinpi
Obedience = Juujun
Oblivion = Boukyaku
Optimism = Rakkan
Piety = Keiken
Prayer = Inori
Protection = Shugo
Sacred = Shinsei
Sacrifice = Gisei
Serenity = Seion
Spiritual Strength = Seishinryoku
Survivor = Seizonsha
Thunder = Kaminari
Twilight = Reimei
War = Sensou
Wave = Nami
Welcome = Kangei
Apocalypse = Mokushi
Beloved = Saiai no hito
Betrayal = Uragiri
Black Panther = Kurohyou
Control = Shihai
Crisis = Kiki
Crystal = Suishou
Darkness = Ankoku
Demon = Akuma
Diligence = Kinben
Discipline = Tanren
Duty = Gimu
Essence = Honshitsu
Evil = Jaaku
Evolution = Shinka
Fairy = Yousei
Healing = Chiyu
Health = Kenkou
Heaven = Tengoku
Hell = Jigoku
Immortal = Fushi
Incarnation = Keshin
Integrity = Seiren
Intelligence = Chisei
Karma = Innen
Misunderstanding = Gokai
Nirvana = Nehan
Outcast = Tsuihousha
Patriotism = Aikokushin
Perseverance = Kennin-fubatsu
Phoenix = Fushichou
Poison = Doku
Princess = Hime
Prophecy = Yogen
Pure Love = Junai
Quest = Tankyuu
Rage = Gekido
Rebel = Hangyakusha
Romance = Renai
Shadow = Kage
Soul mate = Kokoro no tomo
Storm = Arashi
Strength = Tsuyosa
Supernatural Power = Chounouryoku
Taboo = Kinki
Iron Fist = Tekken
Temptation = Yuuwaku
Transience = Mujou
Wealth = Tomi
Allegiance = Chuusei
Arrogance = Gouman
Bear = Kuma
Benevolence = Jintoku
Best Friend = Shinyuu
Butterfly = Chou
Conscience = Ryoushin
Contentment = Manzoku
Courtesy = Reigi
Crime = Tsumi
Cruelty = Reikoku
Destruction = Hakai
Dusk = Tasogare
Dynasty = Ouchou
Eloquence = Yuuben
Encouragement = Gekirei
Fighting Spirit = Toukon
Flame = Honoo
Fresh = Seishin
Ghost = Yuurei
Gift = Okurimono
H*rror = Kyoufu
Innoc*nce = Junketsu
Inspiration = Reikan
Intensity = Kyouretsu
Intuition = Chokkan
Invincibility = Muteki
Knight = Kishi
Lightning = Inazuma
Magic = Mahou
Masquerade = Kamen-butoukai
Master = Meijin
Memory = Kioku
Mentality = Chiryoku
Midnight = Mayonaka
Number One = Ichiban
Originality = Dokusouryoku
Prince = Ouji
Punishment = Batsu
Resilience = Kaifukuryoku
Rose = Bara
Surprise = Odoroki
Tragedy = Higeki
Tranquility = Heion
Twins = Futago
Unity = Touitsu
Vampire = Kyuuketsuki
Vanity = Kyoei
Will = Ishi
Acceptance = Younin
Cat = Neko
Charm = Miryoku
Compassion = Doujou
Consciousness = Ishiki
Contradiction = Hitei
Curiosity = Koukishin
Dance = Buyou
Daughter = Musume
The Dark = Yami
De*th = Shi
Dinosaur = Kyouryuu
Dragonfly = Tonbo
Excitement = Koufun


Fierceness = Doumou
Firefighter = Shouboushi
Fool = Baka
Fox = Kitsune
Genius = Tensai
The Grim Reaper = Shinigami
Guardian Deity = Shugoshin
H*tred = Zouo
Husband = Otto
Immutability = Fuhen
Infinity = Mugen
Iris = Ayame
Life and De*th = Seishi
Lifelong friend = Shougai no tomo
Lover = Aijin
Lunatic = Kyoujin
Messiah = Kyuuseishu
Pain = Kutsuu
Paradise = Rakuen
Perception = Chikaku
Self-awareness = Jikaku
Selflessness = Muga
Son = Musuko
Stubbornness = Ganko
Sweetheart = Koibito
Taoism = Doukyou
Theory = Riron
Uniqueness = Dokutoku
Vegetarian = Saishoku-shugisha
Vicious Mind = Janen
Vigilance = Keikai
Vindictiveness = Shuunen
Wife = Tsuma
Witch = Majo
Young Warrior = Wakamusha
Youth = Wakamono
Fine more Japanese translation at http://japanese.about.com/blsoundfile.htm

got bored

I'm a spoiled bitch.I really am.I've always gotten what i wanted,and to this day,if i don't get it,i get pissed off. There's never been arguments on it,ever. I've had my own credit card since i was 12..11 years later,i'm still the same.I've had housekeepers and everything.[i have a point to this..hold on]. So now when i see something i want,i just go on and get it,or if it's a person i want,i make sure i get that person,cause i dont get rejected. Now it's come to the point of me having a job. Why is it that i feel the need to have one? Am i trying to show my mum that i can be responsible? Yeah. She and my Dad are the ones that i look for approval. to anyone else,i dont care. however,i'm tired of feeling like that...i need something more.

[Kind of Good News:]
Well i called my mum and i was like "hey mum,there's something i need to tell you,and i don't want this to hurt our relationship,but i'm pregnant"...so she says that she was hurt by the situation but she says that she's glad that i am being honest with her. She's supporting my decision about keeping my baby,and i'm happy,because if she wasn't i'd be so hurt.

BITCH,WHAT YOU LOOKING AT? YOU NEED A LIFE,IF YOU GOTTA KEEP COMING TO MY HOUSEPAGE. I DONT KNOW WHY YOUR WATCHING IT,YOUR NOT GONNA SEE A SUPRISE. GO AWAY.YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY IF YOU KEEP COMING BACK N FORTH.

♥
Hmm,well i found out that i'm pregnant like 3weeks ago or 2,something like that.I am just feeling like i'm not ready for this to happen to me,i don't think i can adapt to being a mother,i'm still a spoiled brat myself.*shakes head*...how do i define myself now? What will my mum think? Cause she's already pissed at my sister for not saying anything to her about her kids and she's MARRIED.I'm dead.And i DO NOT BELIEVE IN ABORTIONS],so that's so not even an option.
*sighs*

How do i get over the morning sickness too? My bf was helping me last night and i got depressed cause it's creepy being pregnant and not emotionally prepared for it.I wouldn't think i'd be pregnant anytime soon. But i guess since my bf's around,i dont have much to complain about.My mum is the one i'm worried about..i know my dad won't care,cause i did whatever i wanted and still can..he loves me no matter what.Its just my mum is so anal sometimes.So this weekend i'm going to see her,personally..

♥

Somebody thinks the world of you.
Somebody wants to protect you.

i
give
up

"do i have to wait for you forever? If so i will"

there's a girl,i <3 and she knows who she is..it's just that everyday i talk to her i feel so happy,like not having to worry about what went wrong in my day or whatever.However, sometimes i ....*sighs* well i dont know..i just love her and i know its kinda quick to say,but i dont think i want to give up on someone i think is really special and i care about,but then again you can never pressure anyone.I wouldnt want anyone to pressure me,i know,but i want to give whatever part of me to her,so that i can feel complete with her. I just hope to one day be able to complete that other part of me...<3 i jusy hope i didn't waste my feelings for nothing...but SHE knows i WUB her ^^ and i still care.

goodbye,folks.....

PANIC! AT THE DISCO LYRICS

"Time To Dance (Demo)"

Well, she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor
Just for the attention.
Cause that's just ridiculously on.
Well, she sure is going to get it
Here's the setting
Fashion magazines line the walls now
The walls line the bullet holes...
You sure, you sure you let her have it?
You sure, you sure you...

Have some composure
Where is your posture?
Oh, no, no
You're pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
All wrong
[X2]

Give me envy, give me malice, give me your attention
Give me envy, give me malice, baby, give me a break!
When I say "Shotgun", you say "Wedding"
"Shotgun", "Wedding", "Shotgun", "Wedding"

Well, she didn't choose this role
But she'll play it and make it sincere
So you cry, you cry
(Baby give me a break)
But they believe it from the tears
And the teeth right down to the blood
At her feet
Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams
(Baby give me a break...break...break...break)

Have some composure
Where is your posture?
Oh, no, no
You're pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
All wrong
[X2]

Come on this is screaming "Photo op." op...
(It's time to dance)
Come on this is screaming "Photo op." op...
(It's time to dance)
Come on
Come on
This is screaming
This is screaming
This is screaming "Photo op."

Have some composure
Where is your posture?
You sure, you sure you let her have it?
You're pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger
You sure, you sure you...

Give me envy, give me malice, give me your attention
Give me envy, give me malice, baby, give me a break!
When I say "Shotgun", you say "Wedding"
"Shotgun", "Wedding", "Shotgun", "Wedding"

Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and boys will be boys
Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams

*sighs*

ok,well i know i ventured out and seperated from someone i truly love,but i guess it's good to determine if what we have is true.I agreed to have it that way,but when it happens,i'm like what the hell was i thinking.I'm so confused on how i should try to work things out,because i dont want to ruin what i already did.He knows i love him so freaking much. It's amazing how things and feeling change so fast and it leaves you speechless and wondering what you could do to work things out. I love him more than anything,and now that he and i are not together,i just don't want him to find someone else,but then u can't stop someone from doing what they want and being happy.
I am so not gonna like not being with him.But then again i did take advantage of the relationship,and i was cheating on him,but it's no excuse to say that he's right,i shouldnt have done what i was doing.Yet he still loved me and i was being a slut.a SLUT,yes,but i love the fact of being with him,and having those limitations,because he means so much to me and now he's seperated from me,maybe i'll learn a lesson now.It's not worth cheating.You'll miss what you had,if you had anything to begin with.

*The Poopie List*




GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.





CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.





WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.





SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.





POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.





LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.





GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.





DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.





CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.





GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.





SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.





WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.





THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.





THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!

*Sighs* Another day of boredom and lonesome.Yep,thats it. I will admit i had a fun day n all.I guess thats a good thing,haha,yeah.But when it comes to dealing with friends on HERE,forget it,it seems like their there one moment,then they never come back.I end up with so many relations and yet they fail to keep in contact with me. Why is it that ppl do that? I mean once you make a relations,it's like a commitment with the person that your willing to actually talk to them and not ignore them. Its not like i don't have friends in real life,but i mean come on,why make a relations if you won't talk to me. I hate being the only one who actually thinks to talk to ppl on my relations,and they act like they don't see me online.thats a load of BS. I just wish people would notice me sometimes.I like being able to know i have friends who actually care.
However, i will be ending relations soon.

Sometimes i wish that i could disappear and still find some way of being happy.Everytime i find someone that i think i have a chance of being happy with,seems like they just go away and don't come back. As a girl who lives alone in another country, you'd think she'd be able to find least one person,but nope.I mean even though i'm with someone now, i feel like we never have enough time together. Besides that,most guys want me for sex and sometimes i dont feel that guys even know how much they hurt me when it happens,but they do. I want to say i'll get over it,but why lie about it,it'll keep hunting me for time and time again.
I think just being single for a long ass time will help me realize that the only thing to make me happy is... well...me. I'm done with relationships for quite some time,until i can fully figure out what i'm getting myself into before i jump in.
The person i do want,well, i dont know,its just a crush i guess.

this is what[The Godfather] and i do everynight.