wierd,somthing taking me over

well to day finalls but i couldn't relly care less because ent goning on my transscript.thats why i'm on ep right now

fuck she mad at me agine,fuck,fuck.she has no reason to be mad.i didn't do enything.went and checked her out at her house while her family was there.we didn't do nothing but chill.i headed out after her mom got home.fuck we didn't do shit.yeah i know she called me up for what she wanted but i keep it on the down low with her.i didn't cheat on that gurl.yeah,i sruged away.yeah i avoided everthing that had to do with me and her.man i wouldn't mess around that gurl enymore,my cousent and ex and my homeboy had her after i did.she just gross now.she to nasty.i wouldn't fuck with her.man my gurl has no reason to be mad i was just being honest.she told me that justina did shit so i told her that i went to check out an old friend.man i wouldn't fuck with that slut.by the way i wasn't in the mood so i headed out on her.i just felt guilty so i told my gurl. i need to if not then i would of felt guilty.i just wish my gurl wouldn't get mad.i love her to much to cheat on her.i would go crazy with out her.i miss all the time even as i right this entry.i gwet to talk to her tonight.if i could give her the world then i would

well this gurl is making it hard for me.she relly needs to chill.i'll stop what she wants me to stop.enything for her.it not healthy doe

umm fuck it

everything is good

me and kristin is great

thats all that matters

just the other day we was getting married but today we alreadt devorced and we not even married yet.it could of been great.its over now.justina gots her now.the end

dam i miss k??????
i love her and want everything with her

i need to stay away from every body tell monday that cause me stree so this weekend i'm gonna go do what i want to do.i'm going to see old friens and old cusents and no worry about enything that what i need.i'm gonna go live life.yeah sounds great.

me and krystin fight alot but i'll call her monday night.i think if i call her today we will break up.well she pisses me off and i piss her off.what could i say.were diffent and on some things we don't agree

my mom might just die:(who knows
'

i think she will be ok

there alot of stuff that happened i can't even begin to startummmm..... first of all krystin came down foom WA we hung out.i feel in love with her more then ever it was a amazing weekend.we got closer then ever and my feeling for her get sronger everyday.man i love that girl so much she has no idea what so ever.she left on a trian back home man i miss her.we had fun at my cuz house.i had alot of fun even doe if we didn't talk all we did was kiss.its all cool.i couldn't get enough of her.she set me crazy.we had more then regular phical contact then we usally do.it a good.i loved it so much and i could see she did too

ummm krystin went with justina last night oh well i'm gone.thats what justina want s then she got it.bye

yesterday i was walking over to albetsons and i saw kim throw the window.i just had to go see her.i hates me:(she did want to talk to me she didn't want look at me.i know i hurt her but i feel relly bad for what i did if i could change what i did i would.she relly does deserves better.she a vary spical person to me and i still love her.i love her a lot i just wish i could tell her.i pushed her away because i know i loved her.kim will always stay in my heart.it hurts me to hurt her.she siad i was in the past and she didn't think about me anymore but i know and she know that she still loves me if she didn't she we would of been all cool.i deserved every seconde of what she siad to me.just when i thought i didn't love her enymore i walk in and i relize that i still love the girl.not for her looks but for her spirt and mind.she awlsome.i love krystin alot and would never break up with her for kim but i still love kim and i know if i wouldn't of messed up we would of been happy.i love krystin and that how it goes and nothing couyld make me happyer then krystin,yeah we have our fight but no matter what i still love her.i feel warm around krystin and j'vohn.i also feel a diffent warm feeling around kim.i love j'vohn so much i relly do believe he got powers.he cute.back to the point me and kim i try to make things right but i just can't.nothing never works out.kim will be leaving in febuary.i'm sad she will be gone for 6 months.well she gave me a hug and evert thing was better a lil a least it made me feel better enyways.

well my freind is ok she can't never drink agine or she will die.well krystin came down today from washonton.ummm

my day is not going good at all :(

my day is so fucking fucked up all i want to do is just hear krystin voice.i don't care what she says aslong as i know she there.i don't care if she just talks wierd or stupid or sirous as long as i don't have to talk all i want to do is hear her voice.i feel fucked up so muck i can cry but i won't let my self.i can feel the redness in my eye devolpe.i blink and think about softball and clear in my eyes come back.man this weekend i won't get to go see krystin my grams tire can't get fixed tell next week.so i'm going to killaspeel to go see shantel for the weekend.i want her to know i'll be there for her when times get rough.i care alot for her.i talked to her gram and she siad thing will get better.

man my frind shantel tryed to od a couple of nights ago.that makes me fell relly bad.i tryed it but i feel to bad to try it agine.i always been relly good friends with her.she kinda lived with me this summer.i keep her safe.we had fun times.we had our fights but alway forgave her and always calling to just see how she is doing.i'm gonna go see her this weekend.she woke up last night i guess and doing better i talked to her grandma and everything gonna be ok.my friend rhlia died in a car wreck last night.man that fucked up.i miss her.i can still hear her laugh,smile and still remember the times in class.i hate this feeling.i feel like crying so fucking bad and i could but i won't let my self.i never relly hung out with her but we alway together in class working to gether and i'll always be making her laugh,i'll alway be teasing her.man i miss u.when i herd about it i was like what the fuck u lying i was like don't lye to me about that kind of shit.i got mad and ran to my next class i know she wouldn't be there but i just had to see.she wasn't there.i felt so fucked up.it that wierd sad feeling u get when someone dies u care about.i remember i gave her this cool ring,it had a pink heart on it and dimonds around it.it was cool,she liked it.

feel stupid for what i did sunday night.don't want to dod it agine.i felt sick the next day.didn't call krystin for like 3 days.she siad she talk to me that night but i know i must of blacked out cuz i only rember saying i was gonna go to bed and that what i did i went to bed.can't remember talking to her it kinda scary in a fucked up way.o.d is not cool:( man what relly fucking wierd is krystin didn'd even sound mad.when i called she was like oh waz up.i was like ummm nothing i thought she might of been mad.it was wierd.she sounded all normal.i kinda believe her that she talked to me but not relly.she siad cuz your mom waz drinking.i was just thinking and i notice how she know my mom was drinking she was oh i talked to u last night.i was what??mybe she herd my mom drinking or either my mom sounded diffent on the phone.i don't know.lol
i talked to ex and ended up fighting.(arguing)she shouldn't of start telling me shit and i wouldn't of got mad.i don't feel bad doe.it seems like the only time i rellly like relly feel bad is when i get into fights with krystin.crazy, yeah. ummm.nothing else to say that i want to say right now

feel guilty

lost agine someone tell me an anser why i feel this way and why i think this way and why is life like this and why people are just people and why this and why that and can't there just be the anser for the questiond and why ???just why???