yesterday i was walking over to albetsons and i saw kim throw the window.i just had to go see her.i hates me:(she did want to talk to me she didn't want look at me.i know i hurt her but i feel relly bad for what i did if i could change what i did i would.she relly does deserves better.she a vary spical person to me and i still love her.i love her a lot i just wish i could tell her.i pushed her away because i know i loved her.kim will always stay in my heart.it hurts me to hurt her.she siad i was in the past and she didn't think about me anymore but i know and she know that she still loves me if she didn't she we would of been all cool.i deserved every seconde of what she siad to me.just when i thought i didn't love her enymore i walk in and i relize that i still love the girl.not for her looks but for her spirt and mind.she awlsome.i love krystin alot and would never break up with her for kim but i still love kim and i know if i wouldn't of messed up we would of been happy.i love krystin and that how it goes and nothing couyld make me happyer then krystin,yeah we have our fight but no matter what i still love her.i feel warm around krystin and j'vohn.i also feel a diffent warm feeling around kim.i love j'vohn so much i relly do believe he got powers.he cute.back to the point me and kim i try to make things right but i just can't.nothing never works out.kim will be leaving in febuary.i'm sad she will be gone for 6 months.well she gave me a hug and evert thing was better a lil a least it made me feel better enyways.
well my freind is ok she can't never drink agine or she will die.well krystin came down today from washonton.ummm
my day is so fucking fucked up all i want to do is just hear krystin voice.i don't care what she says aslong as i know she there.i don't care if she just talks wierd or stupid or sirous as long as i don't have to talk all i want to do is hear her voice.i feel fucked up so muck i can cry but i won't let my self.i can feel the redness in my eye devolpe.i blink and think about softball and clear in my eyes come back.man this weekend i won't get to go see krystin my grams tire can't get fixed tell next week.so i'm going to killaspeel to go see shantel for the weekend.i want her to know i'll be there for her when times get rough.i care alot for her.i talked to her gram and she siad thing will get better.
man my frind shantel tryed to od a couple of nights ago.that makes me fell relly bad.i tryed it but i feel to bad to try it agine.i always been relly good friends with her.she kinda lived with me this summer.i keep her safe.we had fun times.we had our fights but alway forgave her and always calling to just see how she is doing.i'm gonna go see her this weekend.she woke up last night i guess and doing better i talked to her grandma and everything gonna be ok.my friend rhlia died in a car wreck last night.man that fucked up.i miss her.i can still hear her laugh,smile and still remember the times in class.i hate this feeling.i feel like crying so fucking bad and i could but i won't let my self.i never relly hung out with her but we alway together in class working to gether and i'll always be making her laugh,i'll alway be teasing her.man i miss u.when i herd about it i was like what the fuck u lying i was like don't lye to me about that kind of shit.i got mad and ran to my next class i know she wouldn't be there but i just had to see.she wasn't there.i felt so fucked up.it that wierd sad feeling u get when someone dies u care about.i remember i gave her this cool ring,it had a pink heart on it and dimonds around it.it was cool,she liked it.
feel stupid for what i did sunday night.don't want to dod it agine.i felt sick the next day.didn't call krystin for like 3 days.she siad she talk to me that night but i know i must of blacked out cuz i only rember saying i was gonna go to bed and that what i did i went to bed.can't remember talking to her it kinda scary in a fucked up way.o.d is not cool:( man what relly fucking wierd is krystin didn'd even sound mad.when i called she was like oh waz up.i was like ummm nothing i thought she might of been mad.it was wierd.she sounded all normal.i kinda believe her that she talked to me but not relly.she siad cuz your mom waz drinking.i was just thinking and i notice how she know my mom was drinking she was oh i talked to u last night.i was what??mybe she herd my mom drinking or either my mom sounded diffent on the phone.i don't know.lol
i talked to ex and ended up fighting.(arguing)she shouldn't of start telling me shit and i wouldn't of got mad.i don't feel bad doe.it seems like the only time i rellly like relly feel bad is when i get into fights with krystin.crazy, yeah. ummm.nothing else to say that i want to say right now
feel guilty
got a singul silver bullet shot right throw my heart, to prove i can't live with out u.at least u have my heart.
plan didn't work out i guess.i didn't die
god i'm relly sorry for what i done and going to do.sorry forgive me plz.good bye the world
ummm nothing to say
allways will stay in my heart no matter what i say and what i do,can't change the way i feel for nothing.doesen
too much to say to even start with my problems and how i feel and what going on and enything eles.too confused with everything.it just life
man i argue alot with this girl.she drives me nuts in the good and bad way
lost agine
hate ?
i need ansers god
who relly cares in the world as much as i care
all i got is me and thats all i need
why life so hard