Me: Hey, I'm going to be going to Ashley's Friday because she's not allowed to leave her house for a month..you can come if you want, if not I'll see you Monday.
Patrick: Are you sure it's okay if I go?
Me: Yeah, we'll just be all like, sober watching movies and stuff..might be kinda boring.
Patrick: I don't need alcohol to be with you.
Me: Alright. Gah, I miss you.
Patrick: I miss you too, but Friday isn't that far away.


fksjdfkj GAHHHHH.
He makes me feel amazing. And wanted.




I don't think I've been this happy in a long time.

It was a good night.

I swear..
My heart's just going to quit beating pretty soon.

The lunatic is in my head.
You raise the blade,
You make the change,
You rearrange me 'till I'm sane.
You lock the door,
And throw away the key,
There's someone in my head..
But it's not me.

She was divinity's creature
That kissed in cold mirrors
A Queen of Snos
Far beyond compare
Lips attuned to symmetry
Sought Her everywhere
Dark liqoured eyes
An Arabian nightmare...



I want to cry.

I know you hate it.
The fact that I'm slowly trying to move on with my life.
But the truth is,
No matter where we are,
Who we're with,
Or what we're doing with our lives..

I will ALWAYS love you.
And you will always be my first love.
Don't think otherwise.



I wish you wanted me,
But if you don't,
I'm not waiting around for something..
That will never happen...

I don't want Chez to leave..
Not now..

Overwhelming level of confusion.

I hate myself when I do this to people..

Aww.
Patricks such a cutie.

He was like, "Kike is my hero." And I asked why, and he was like, "Because if it weren't for him I might not see you tonight." AwwwwwwawaWWWw. K.

Anyways.
Kike is gonna come pick me up at 7:30 or so.
Huzzah.

Alex drew me a kitty cat :D!!!

Aww.
Look at meeee.







Like, two years ago. How cute.

I wish I could really smile right now.
I really, really do.

When I die,
I'll go out with IV:XX carved into my throat.

That way, you'll never forget what I stood for.

I saw a shooting star one night, and he told me to make a wish. I wished that one day, some day soon, we'd be together and happy again. He told me that wishes upon stars always come true, he swore to it.

...He doesn't know I wished for him.

Please, oh please, please come true.

God damn.
I don't know what I want in life anymore.


Alex
Travis
Patrick


Fuck
I dont know what to do.
I'm so in love with Alex,
And yet, He confesses nothing towards me.
We talk a lot, about relationships, having a kid, blahblahblah,
BUT NOTHINGGGG.
Patrick likes me
Travis says he loves me
But I truly do not know what I want.

I hooked up with Travis,
But I really like Patrick.



I hope he understands.

God damnit.

The past two days, I've gotten 7 hours sleep total.
And why?
Because I'm up until 3am talking to him.
God.


..
Yeah.

Staying home this weekend so I can hang out with him next.
I'm bored.
Still sick.
Ughhh.



Yeah.

Am I having an emotional struggle,
Or are these the best days I've had in such a long time?
It's been such a while since I've felt true happiness,
That I forget what it feels like,
To feel this rush,
This excitement,
This wanting of more each day..
And yet, at the same time,
It makes me want to cry,
Over him,
Over us,
Over our past that was lost so long ago..
That is now returning to the surface?
Can it be?
Can this be true?

Please tell me it is.