Too many people in this world have become inconversable. Your feeble minds have become warped, and you have all conformed into what has been asked of you. Brainwashed; taken over by society, the government, the entire fucking world around you. Daily life is that of a slaughterhouse, and I am your butcher, I am the God that you have looked for, the Satanic figure you have feared. I am life; I am death. Irate, spiteful, sarcastic, grim, bitter, malicious, authentic, delirious, intense, cynical, indignant...I am the things you will never understand, that which is uncomprehendable.
I was placed here to please no one being.

He treats me so good.
He's everything I've ever wanted in a guy.
He's there for me, he cares for me.

So why do I question him?
Why do I worry about what he's doing when I'm not around?
Why do I cry like this?

He hasn't done anything wrong. He's done everything right. Heartbreaks from my past are quickly catching up, and I'm beginning to realize that my scars will never completely fade out. I'm so afraid that he's going to hurt me, and why? Because of the mistakes the others have made with me. I want to be with him. I want to be with him so fucking bad, so why do I do this?



I just want to be happy again.

Me: Hey, I'm going to be going to Ashley's Friday because she's not allowed to leave her house for a month..you can come if you want, if not I'll see you Monday.
Patrick: Are you sure it's okay if I go?
Me: Yeah, we'll just be all like, sober watching movies and stuff..might be kinda boring.
Patrick: I don't need alcohol to be with you.
Me: Alright. Gah, I miss you.
Patrick: I miss you too, but Friday isn't that far away.


fksjdfkj GAHHHHH.
He makes me feel amazing. And wanted.




I don't think I've been this happy in a long time.

It was a good night.

I swear..
My heart's just going to quit beating pretty soon.

The lunatic is in my head.
You raise the blade,
You make the change,
You rearrange me 'till I'm sane.
You lock the door,
And throw away the key,
There's someone in my head..
But it's not me.

She was divinity's creature
That kissed in cold mirrors
A Queen of Snos
Far beyond compare
Lips attuned to symmetry
Sought Her everywhere
Dark liqoured eyes
An Arabian nightmare...



I want to cry.

I know you hate it.
The fact that I'm slowly trying to move on with my life.
But the truth is,
No matter where we are,
Who we're with,
Or what we're doing with our lives..

I will ALWAYS love you.
And you will always be my first love.
Don't think otherwise.



I wish you wanted me,
But if you don't,
I'm not waiting around for something..
That will never happen...

I don't want Chez to leave..
Not now..

Overwhelming level of confusion.

I hate myself when I do this to people..

Aww.
Patricks such a cutie.

He was like, "Kike is my hero." And I asked why, and he was like, "Because if it weren't for him I might not see you tonight." AwwwwwwawaWWWw. K.

Anyways.
Kike is gonna come pick me up at 7:30 or so.
Huzzah.

Alex drew me a kitty cat :D!!!

Aww.
Look at meeee.







Like, two years ago. How cute.

I wish I could really smile right now.
I really, really do.

When I die,
I'll go out with IV:XX carved into my throat.

That way, you'll never forget what I stood for.

I saw a shooting star one night, and he told me to make a wish. I wished that one day, some day soon, we'd be together and happy again. He told me that wishes upon stars always come true, he swore to it.

...He doesn't know I wished for him.

Please, oh please, please come true.

God damn.
I don't know what I want in life anymore.


Alex
Travis
Patrick


Fuck
I dont know what to do.
I'm so in love with Alex,
And yet, He confesses nothing towards me.
We talk a lot, about relationships, having a kid, blahblahblah,
BUT NOTHINGGGG.
Patrick likes me
Travis says he loves me
But I truly do not know what I want.

I hooked up with Travis,
But I really like Patrick.



I hope he understands.

God damnit.