Just got off the phone with Alex Mckayy.
Apparently I'm supposed to call him when I go to Greeley tomorrow,
And we're going to hang out.
Other than that, Im bored.
And Im gonna go shower.
I wish I didn't always feel responsible for everybody else.
I want to tell this girl her boyfriend is bad news.
I want to tell her not to get attatched.
I can't do that to her.
Can't believe my weekends already booked.
Friday - Going to stay the night with Chez, but go to a party with my friend Sarah from Loveland..and taking Danielle and Chez with me.
Saturday - Bri's (not you Bree!) sweet 16 birthday party, getting drunk and all that.
Friday, also, I might hang out with Alex Mckay for a bit.
I'm going to call him tomorrow to see. Mhmmm.
Teddy is such a fucking dumbass.
That is all.
I'm trying not to be upset.
I'm trying not to care.
I SHOULDN'T care,
And I really don't, as shitty as I feel.
I'm not going to act all hard-ass.
It really does bother me when people don't like me.
I can't stand the thought that someone in the world doesn't like me for whatever reason.
It really sucks.
I want to impress everybody;
I want to be the girl that people look up to,
That they can talk to,
That cares for them..
That they can trust.
So why is it that people simply use it to THEIR advantage, and give nothing back to me?
I don't open up my emotions to many people.
Those that I DO open up to, should fucking kiss my ass if they don't want me around..
Because it means I fucking CARE, TRUST, and LOVE them..
If that's a burden you simply can not handle, then don't let it get that far.
Kick me to the curb before we get too far.
That's what all the rest do..
So fuck you.
Fuck you if you don't care.
Fuck you for making me feel this way.
They say that before others will love you, you must love yourself.
If this is true, I'm in for a life full of sorrow.
Sometimes I wish I was just some fucking whore.
Fucking everybody I've ever met.
Maybe, then, I wouldn't get upset when guys played me,
And maybe people wouldn't think I'm just being "dramatic"..
And maybe I wouldn't feel like a fucking pile of shit like I do right now..
Yes, call me immature.
Whatever you want.
But calling how I FEEL "stupid shit"..
That doesn't fly with me.
I was ALWAYS fucking there for her when she was upset,
And for the few days I was upset, it became stupid?
What the fuck.
She acts like I'm not over it.
I AM OVER IT.
I DO NOT CARE ABOUT TRAVIS.
HE IS A BULLSHITTER, A LIAR, AND A FUCKING LOSER.
But he's a cool kid.
You see? Yes. o_o
I talked to Alex for four hours, from midnight until 4am.
It was great.
We talked a lotlotlotlotlo
I have his hat, and he's so happy. He misses it. :]
I might see him friday at a swimmeet at my school.
I'll tell you whattt; I'm pretty excited about it.
Haven't seen that fuck in foreverrr.
It was great catching up with him though. ^-^
Ill admit it;
It scares me when she doesnt get online to just say hi.
Random bursts of creativity.
I hate you for making me feel this way.
It's been the worst day since yesterday.
Does your new whore,
Have a face much like mine,
After drowning yourself in your liquor?
Does she treat you so well,
As she drags you to hell,
While you're spun out in such ecstacy?
Does she tell you she loves you,
And act like it's true,
Though she stabs you straight in the back?
I want you to know,
That I've cared for so long,
And what did you fear?
I could do you no wrong.
So go marry that whore,
Go choke on that bottle.
Go act like you've done it before...
I WROTE THIS TOO. MINE.
Basically, this is how it goes.
I'm trying to tell myself that I don't care about Travis at all.
But the truth is, I always have.
And although I'm not in love with him, I love him a lot, and this shit hurts me so bad.
After what happened, he's now hooking up again with Sam, and I don't understand it. I could treat him so great.
Brianas helping me out a lot though.
Without her, I'd be lost.
Same with [._]. He's helping me too.
I'm at the point where I might just break...
I just need to know what's going on..
And this hurts so bad.
I don't know if I'll make it.