If this is love,
I never want to lose him again.
I love talking to him.
Now I'm reallyreallyre
I just got off the phone with Alex. Mm. He called me earlier, at like 5:30, and we've been on the phone on and off since then. He kept making fun of my sneezes. He is..so cute. :] He says that next time we party, he'll buy me a slurpee and cookies because I want themmm. He kind of hinted somewhat of a possible "us" in the future..
I went upstairs, and my mom asked who I was on the phone with earlier. I said Alex, and she was like, "Are you guys together again?" and I told her no, and she said that I could tell her if we were. I told him about it, and he was like, "Does your mom still hate me or whattt?" And I said I thought she was just probably scared. He was like, "There's no reason to be scared." I don't know. I like this boy more than anything in the world. He makes me so damn happy. It's horrible, but it's so true. Sometimes he scares me, sometimes I wish he would just leave all of us in the past and fix his life, but at the same time I'm so in love with him that I don't think I could make it without him in my life.
He wants me to call him tomorrow morning. I don't know what time to, because I don't want to wake him up. He says he hates sleeping anyways, lawlz.
This whole "sickness" thing sucks hardcore. Chez's mom and stepdad are both really sick, and that's probably where I got it, too. Her mom can't even talk, and I'm starting to lose my voice. Perhaps talking too much on the phone, AND being sick. Lawlz.
Staying home from school tomorrow, gonna wake up, call Alex, smoke a cigarette, and be a lazy bum. Tuesday I'm going to Greeley, I have an ortho appointment at 2:15 on Wednesday, and going home at 5:30-6 that night. Then the weekend comes, and Alex is going to party with me at Patrick's if they're all down with it.
Life is good.
Tomorrow I go to see Ashley.
After I ((hopefully)) pick up Alex from his house in Fort Collins.
Then we party like it's 1969.
I always want what I can't have,
But I've got to try.
I can't wait for the weekend.
I'm sitting next to an open window.
It's not as exciting as you probably think.
Going up to the mountains today..
Hopefully the weather will calm down or something.
I miss my friends.
I can't smoke for a month.
I'm getting a job at Sonic.
I might go see Shaggy 2 Dope on the 29th.
I'm so in love with him.
Make up that face to win the race.
...Happy Birthday to me.
I should go wake up Danielle and Chez.
We get fucked up with noodles.
I love those girls so much.
Yes, we all look like faggots in the second one. :]
I kissed Alex.
I miss him a lottttt.
I took care of him last night, he was all pukinggg.
So I slept in the bed with him and made sure he was okayy.
Been drunk every night since Wednesday, but not tonight.
Tonight I am home.
And I loveee my Chez and Danielle. And stuff.
We partied so fucking hard.
Lord knows I'm to blame.
I love this song.
Free Bird - Lynard Skynard. Yep.
My birthdays in 6 days. ((monday, for those who can't count))
Hopefully I'll party with no drama.
I did something I probably shouldn't have.
But I don't regret it.
((Besides, it's not like we're "close" friends.))
I need to pee.
I have to finish cleaning my room.
And call Alex..
Then take off to Greeley.
Just got off the phone with Alex Mckayy.
Apparently I'm supposed to call him when I go to Greeley tomorrow,
And we're going to hang out.
Other than that, Im bored.
And Im gonna go shower.
I wish I didn't always feel responsible for everybody else.
I want to tell this girl her boyfriend is bad news.
I want to tell her not to get attatched.
I can't do that to her.
Can't believe my weekends already booked.
Friday - Going to stay the night with Chez, but go to a party with my friend Sarah from Loveland..and taking Danielle and Chez with me.
Saturday - Bri's (not you Bree!) sweet 16 birthday party, getting drunk and all that.
Friday, also, I might hang out with Alex Mckay for a bit.
I'm going to call him tomorrow to see. Mhmmm.
Teddy is such a fucking dumbass.
That is all.
I'm trying not to be upset.
I'm trying not to care.
I SHOULDN'T care,
And I really don't, as shitty as I feel.
I'm not going to act all hard-ass.
It really does bother me when people don't like me.
I can't stand the thought that someone in the world doesn't like me for whatever reason.
It really sucks.
I want to impress everybody;
I want to be the girl that people look up to,
That they can talk to,
That cares for them..
That they can trust.
So why is it that people simply use it to THEIR advantage, and give nothing back to me?
I don't open up my emotions to many people.
Those that I DO open up to, should fucking kiss my ass if they don't want me around..
Because it means I fucking CARE, TRUST, and LOVE them..
If that's a burden you simply can not handle, then don't let it get that far.
Kick me to the curb before we get too far.
That's what all the rest do..
So fuck you.
Fuck you if you don't care.
Fuck you for making me feel this way.
They say that before others will love you, you must love yourself.
If this is true, I'm in for a life full of sorrow.
Sometimes I wish I was just some fucking whore.
Fucking everybody I've ever met.
Maybe, then, I wouldn't get upset when guys played me,
And maybe people wouldn't think I'm just being "dramatic"..
And maybe I wouldn't feel like a fucking pile of shit like I do right now..
Yes, call me immature.
Whatever you want.
But calling how I FEEL "stupid shit"..
That doesn't fly with me.
I was ALWAYS fucking there for her when she was upset,
And for the few days I was upset, it became stupid?
What the fuck.
She acts like I'm not over it.
I AM OVER IT.
I DO NOT CARE ABOUT TRAVIS.
HE IS A BULLSHITTER, A LIAR, AND A FUCKING LOSER.
But he's a cool kid.
You see? Yes. o_o