Overwhelming level of confusion.
I hate myself when I do this to people..
Patricks such a cutie.
He was like, "Kike is my hero." And I asked why, and he was like, "Because if it weren't for him I might not see you tonight." AwwwwwwawaWWWw
Kike is gonna come pick me up at 7:30 or so.
Alex drew me a kitty cat :D!!!
Look at meeee.
Like, two years ago. How cute.
I wish I could really smile right now.
I really, really do.
When I die,
I'll go out with IV:XX carved into my throat.
That way, you'll never forget what I stood for.
I saw a shooting star one night, and he told me to make a wish. I wished that one day, some day soon, we'd be together and happy again. He told me that wishes upon stars always come true, he swore to it.
...He doesn't know I wished for him.
Please, oh please, please come true.
I don't know what I want in life anymore.
I dont know what to do.
I'm so in love with Alex,
And yet, He confesses nothing towards me.
We talk a lot, about relationships, having a kid, blahblahblah,
Patrick likes me
Travis says he loves me
But I truly do not know what I want.
I hooked up with Travis,
But I really like Patrick.
I hope he understands.
The past two days, I've gotten 7 hours sleep total.
Because I'm up until 3am talking to him.
Staying home this weekend so I can hang out with him next.
Am I having an emotional struggle,
Or are these the best days I've had in such a long time?
It's been such a while since I've felt true happiness,
That I forget what it feels like,
To feel this rush,
This wanting of more each day..
And yet, at the same time,
It makes me want to cry,
Over our past that was lost so long ago..
That is now returning to the surface?
Can it be?
Can this be true?
Please tell me it is.
Alex probably can't come tonight
I always dream of what I'll never really have.
It makes me so fucking sick.
...I fell in love, in the first place...
However, I fucking love the fact that Bree and I can smile again. Honestly, it's DISGUSTING how in love we both are. And yet, at the same time, it's good to know we're feeling it again, even if it's for others. <3
It's hard not calling him for one day.
But I don't want to call too much or whatever.
Can't wait to see him this weekend.
He says he's going to buy me a slurpee.
Went shopping today.
Got a new ICP hat and four shirts, plus a black light.
I have $28 to spend this weekend, $20 saved for 6.6.06 (will eventually add more there), and a whole bunch for myself. I don't know.
It should be Friday already.
I get my permit Thursday or Friday.
I have no school tomorrow. Yes.
I love how we can talk for 6+ hours a day, and yet we never run out of things to say.
Talking until the phones both die,
Until there's nothing more we could do.
If this is love,
I never want to lose him again.
I love talking to him.
Now I'm reallyreallyre
I just got off the phone with Alex. Mm. He called me earlier, at like 5:30, and we've been on the phone on and off since then. He kept making fun of my sneezes. He is..so cute. :] He says that next time we party, he'll buy me a slurpee and cookies because I want themmm. He kind of hinted somewhat of a possible "us" in the future..
I went upstairs, and my mom asked who I was on the phone with earlier. I said Alex, and she was like, "Are you guys together again?" and I told her no, and she said that I could tell her if we were. I told him about it, and he was like, "Does your mom still hate me or whattt?" And I said I thought she was just probably scared. He was like, "There's no reason to be scared." I don't know. I like this boy more than anything in the world. He makes me so damn happy. It's horrible, but it's so true. Sometimes he scares me, sometimes I wish he would just leave all of us in the past and fix his life, but at the same time I'm so in love with him that I don't think I could make it without him in my life.
He wants me to call him tomorrow morning. I don't know what time to, because I don't want to wake him up. He says he hates sleeping anyways, lawlz.
This whole "sickness" thing sucks hardcore. Chez's mom and stepdad are both really sick, and that's probably where I got it, too. Her mom can't even talk, and I'm starting to lose my voice. Perhaps talking too much on the phone, AND being sick. Lawlz.
Staying home from school tomorrow, gonna wake up, call Alex, smoke a cigarette, and be a lazy bum. Tuesday I'm going to Greeley, I have an ortho appointment at 2:15 on Wednesday, and going home at 5:30-6 that night. Then the weekend comes, and Alex is going to party with me at Patrick's if they're all down with it.
Life is good.
Tomorrow I go to see Ashley.
After I ((hopefully)) pick up Alex from his house in Fort Collins.
Then we party like it's 1969.
I always want what I can't have,
But I've got to try.