Numb             9/806


Why do you try and stop me, when I get out the knife,
Why do you care, that what I want is just to end my life.
You grab my arms, pull up my sleeves and shown me what I’ve done,
You could not understand how this helps to make me numb.
You yell at me and hold me down, force me to watch the screen,
I cry and yell and fight with you, I threaten I will scream.
The music plays, the lyrics echo and I start to cry,
You know exactly what I’m doing, you can see through every lie.
No more empty promises, no more lies,
No more notes saying my goodbyes.





Kate

Heart of ice     31/7/06


No more smiles, blood red tears,
No more happiness, too many fears.
Soul pitch black, heart of ice,
Show no emotion, not so nice.
Please let me in your heart of blue,
I promse I won’t stab at it too.
Eye’s dark, blood run cold,
I know all you need is someone to hold.
Stop trying to find a substitute,
All that happens is your heart you pollute.
Your making it worse with each one you find,
We both know exactly who’s on your mind.
Closed off from the world, black blood in your veins,
Flows free though the arms you’ve slain.
Please promise you’ll stop, I don’t want you to be like me,
I want you to live to the full, and have fun and be free.



Kate

Crash       7/8/06


There was no escape, there was no warning,
Only now is the reality just dawning.
The crashing of metal, the smashing of glass,
The rolling and spinning, how long did it last?
Was it my fault, did I do something wrong?
All I remember was laughing and us singing a song.
I felt the impact, my head hit the wheel,
Everything’s in slow motion, it seems so surreal.
There’s blood everywhere, or every surface,
I hear the cops say they think it was on purpose.
“Your friends alive” I hear them say,
“stay with me now, don’t go away”
I feel myself falling, the light is so near,
I see my friends that I’ve lost, everyone so dear.
The light becomes dark, as I close my eyes,
I walk down the tunnel, and say my good-byes.



Kate

Problems          18/7/06


As I lay here on my bed,
I keep thinking about what you said.
You seen my scars, inside and out,
I know how you feel, so filled with doubt.
When you asked me to stop I swear I tried,
From the world my scars I tried to hide.
As my blood starts to run down my skin.
I have this dilution, it will help make me thin.
I’m anorexic, bulimic, and cut myself too,
But I know you love me no mater what I do.
My life is suffocating me, each day at a time,
It’s not worth a dollar, a cent or a dime.
I’m getting tired, I’m going to sleep,
I’ll be thinking of you in a slumber so deep.
I need to feel your love, with your arms around me,
Your kisses so sweet, your breath like the sea.





Kate

Imagination.   1/8/06


My blood is boiling, my head is sore,
Don’t say another word, I can’t take anymore.
Don’t think you understand me, you don’t have a clue,
Stop pretending you’re a parent, theirs nothing you can do.
Your always talking over me, you don’t hear a word,
All you did was make me mad, angry feelings you stirred.
You look through all my things, to get a glimpse of my world,
My dark and desperate poems, my books at you I hurled.
You think there’s something wrong with me, I promise you there’s not,
I’m just being me, writing about the problems I got.
I don’t do drugs or slash my wrists, it’s my imagination gone wild,
Stop saying I need help cause my depressions not just mild.
Just walk out and close the door, leave me alone to calm,
And don’t be scared when you walk in and see blood running down my arm.
I lied to you get over it, you’ve done it to me too,
Your lucky that it was myself I hurt, and I didn’t do it to you. 



Kate

Why             22/7/06



Bleeding, burning, fighting, fury,
Stop trying to be my judge and jury.
I am who I am, you cant change me,
What I listen to, wear, or my sexuality.
Why can’t you just accept who I am ,
Why can’t you love me, and not give a damn.
Why do you think you can change me, why do you try,
Why do you think you understand, when you know I rather die.
Hug me, kiss me, try to make belive,
That everything I’ve told you, weren’t lies to decive.
If only you knew who I was and my feeling I have inside,
You would have seen so long ago that I had died.
Why did you choose now to try to take control,
Why do you try to ruin my life, is it your only goal.
So fuck off now, leave me alone,
Let me cut myself, cry, bleed and moan.
Im closing the door now, im blocking you out,
Don’t come back in just to scream and shout.
So leave me alone now, and wait and see,
Letting me be who I am is the only key.



Kate

Lead me to the sun        23/9/05

No strength within me
To stay alive
No strength inside
To try to survive

Cutting releases my pain
And helps me to cope
When I want to die
And have lost all hope

I am suffering from depression
An anxiety disorder too
I wont go to the doctor
I dont want it to be true

I slice away my pain
In hope of a better day
I will keep on pretending
And to God I will pray

Help me please Lord
I need a helping hand
I need an angel
someone to understand

Someone who has hope
for a better day to come
Someone who is encouraging
And can lead me to the sun



Kate

Cutting  16/7/06


I feel the cold blade run down my skin,
It helps release the feelings I hold within.
I look down at my hand as my blood flows free,
I think about all those times I wished to be anyone but me.
I’ve been raped, beaten, drugged and used,
Cutting helps me forget all the times I was abused.
I’m feeling tired and my thoughts are fading,
I’m tired of doing nothing, my life I am wasting.
I have scars on my body, my wrists and my thighs,
I cry as I slice away for each of the lies.
Im petrified of people, im scared of school,
I don’t cut myself cause I think its cool.
As I bleed out, it eases my pain,
It helps me forget and relive the shame.



Kate

Im going to fill this "Diary" with a heap of poems i've written. I hope you like them all. And if you don't i don't care and don't want to know.