[Karen]'s diary
Tell me how to forgive you
When it’s me who’s ashamed
And I wish I could free you
of the hurt and the pain
but the answer is simple
he's the one to blame!!!!
Written about Sunday 2007-04-08
Written: (6438 days ago)
It's amazeing how someone can hurt you so much, yet you'd give anything to physically be with them.
It's amazeing how you can point out so much to them, yet they act blind towards the obvious and just don't see it.
It's amazeing how I can still love him, after everything he did to me.
It's even more amazeing how I can hurt so much, after finally saying fuck you and pushing him away.
But the most amazeing thing is how even thinkin' about him still makes me shed a tear and smile.
Sleepless nights I ponder, questioning your affection
streaming tears breeze gently down my face.
My ability to breathe without you is inapplicable
My slashes are the heartbreak within
So I slough my blood for you
I hunger for you to be mine,
My dreaded flirtation.
[ (C) ] Copywritted to Karen Barclay, aka moi.
Steal my stuff I write, I kill you.
"The only man a girl can trust is her dad"
Well thanks, Who the fuck do I have now..???
[ </3 ]</b></center>
[</3]
but when you do have it, you can't appreciate it, you destroy it.
when you lose it, you want it back, but when it's gone
you can never understand why you let it go
__• • ii wonder what would happen
x • x - if we fell for eachother again...
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
forever & always
- wasn`t all it was played out to be
"This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than to build a relationship. This is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed,only to discover that "he's just not ready", he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be "tied down." This is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes crushed. This is for the nights when you've seen him from across the room leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, to the girl he's with to be a random hookup. this is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep. This is for the "I still like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends,for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; This is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; This is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys -this is for every girl because every girl has been hurt or felt this way at some point.every girl has given herself to a guy fully and completely in hopes that he would someday return the favour only to find that he`s given himself to somebody else, somebody better somebody who deserves him more. somebody who really is girlfriend material as opposed to somebody who just wants to be girlfriend material."
+ never good enough .
&&Baby ever since you left;;
--*It feels like there's somethin missin'
_ + _ + _ like i've had to go forever without you ;
Written about Monday 2007-03-26
Written: (6450 days ago)
Somethings wrong with your mind, it wont think of me anymore.
Was it all a waste of time? tell me why was i such a chore...
I love him -
I just don't know what to do anymore, nor what to think.
The reality of it is i know me and Marcel will never be the same again, as much as i wish that wasn't true, I know it is.
With my luck he'll move on fast, or we'll stop talkin' completely. We barley speak as it is right now, i'm loseing him.
Hell i'm loseing hope.
The hardest part that i'm faceing right now is faceing that dreded reality. A reality i swore i'd never have to face when it came to me and Marcel, and it hurts me.
What ever happend to forever???
LMAO!
Karen - OMG! I got this shirt and it makes my boobs look bigger. And i got clevage, I NEVER EVER SAW THAT!
Karen - lol did you know i had clevage? i didnt know that
Elvira - hahaha
Karen - just wait till i get my breast implants! i'll be pouring out muwhuhuh!
Elvira - HAHA!
I said I had a dirty mouth.
Stop analysing my behaviour,
If you're too dumb to work it out.
[stump][ </3 ]Marcel[ </3 ] - Self explanitory, My EVERYTHING! I love him with everything i am, for everything he is. I miss him, and it's killing me things didn't work out. He hurt me yes, But i love him to death. I'd die for him. It was real between us, you know?
However I guess it's completely over, time for me to move on. As of now?
[Satin Diamond]That's my Filicia, basically the best chick ever! I love her tons.
[Jesse Marie :)]Jesse, basically also one of the best chicks ever. She's been there for me while i've been depressed lately, and has also vulenteerd to kick marcel in the ass for me, yay!
She's also incredibly beautiful, don't you agree?
[crazystuff]This is Trent! He's a really cool guy, even though he's my ex's bestfriend, he's still pretty sweet.
[patrick.]A really sweet guy that just cheered me up majorly, and thinks my poetry skills are talent. :D
[violent.beauty]Kathryn is my sister, and I love her so much. Especially when she gots my back and completely spazes at the guys that hurt me. Love you Kathryn, your the best sister.
[Swan79] Nick is probably like my bestfriend. He's there for me everytime, and at anytime. He has been since I met him. He's literally the best, can't get any better then nick ladies.
[Kelcee] Kelsey is my sexy lover! Were going to sex on the floor! Right kelsey? :p
[Xx SeXi PlAyBoI xX] Jade - Still one of my bestfriends, however she's never on here anymore 'cause she can't get on due to password difficulites. We still talk quite often, and I still love her to death and am planning on moveing in with her soon.
[inserting name here] Haven't known her very long, maybe like just over a week or so. She's really cool though, and has also cheered me up.
[lyssabee]That's my cousin Alyssa, pretty cool but has a really weird side haha but yeah, i love her tons. Were only 3 days apart, damn her for being older.
still lovin' you is all i ever [ have ]!
without you - i laugh harder
you had it all but did not know
no one you'll find will ever be
closer to all your dreams than me
believing the grass would be greener
you told yourself "I just don't need her now"
but I know you'll soon discover
you'll never be satisfied with any other."
i just dont care
Just the other day I promised you I would be better, and I have failed horriably. You mean everything to me, but I know I have made you feel like you mean nothing. I love you more than anything and I have done a horriable job of showing it. I've made a lot of mistakes, breaking up with you was my biggest mistake. I love you. and I know you said you were giving up on me, idk how to change your mind and I wish I hadnt hurt you so much before because then this would be easier. I don't expect you to give me another chance even though I want you to. yesterday I had a bad day, I tried to be nice to you but I failed at that also. I failed really quickly. I took something out on you that you didnt make happen, something that you couldnt control, but you were there so I made the mistake of taking it out on you. I'm sorry. I wish I could change that. I wish I could call you my girl again, I want to be with you, even though I was the one who broke it off. I care about you more than I know how to say, and I wish I did, I wish I knew how to tell you how I was hurt when I fully realized what I had done. It's been one full day, but it seems like it has been a lot longer than that, it feels as though I've had to go without you for a very long time. I've made a huge mistake in losing you, you are beautiful, funny, great, your awesome. I'm sorry I can't word this better, and my thoughts are scrambled. and even though I don't expect you to give me a second chance, and that's not what I am trying to get right now. I want you to know I love you, I care about you, you mean everything to me. maybe I'll be able to figure out a way to have you give me another chance, I want that to happen. I'm sorry.
Love Michael
So i've pretty much realized nothings ever going to be the same again, between me and Marcel.
I love him so much, just things went so wrong.
It's times like these when i need him the most and he's not there....
I pretend to hate him, when really all i want to do is be with him.
Now i'll never have that chance, nor will i ever be as close to him as i was.
Don't get me wrong he was the one to fuck things up and hurt me, yet I want him so bad i can barley breathe.
It's like... fuck i'm just so miserable without him.
I've never felt this way before, and i wish it would just stop. These feelings i have for him are like no other, and uhh he crushed me :(
But damn i want my baby back!
Ugh i want to die.
I barley sleep, I cry myself to sleep, i'm not eating, i'm depressed. I MISS HIM!
I've never felt so lonely....
Fixable??? I think not!
</3
How things use to be:(
[ Marcel + Karen = ( L ) x 1000 ]
But all that shit seems to dissappear when i'm with you<3
Feb 9th, Best Day Ever!
My philosophy... Meeting you was fate, becomeing your friend was my choice.
Falling in love with you was beyond my controle...<3<3
He killed me, he killed me that momment he never showed up getting off that plane.
3 hours i waited, for nothing.
No more will i be bothered with his head games, he's clearly not worth it. I realize that now, however i wish i would of realized before i gave him my heart.
It's not like I [ think ] about you constantly...
So... maybe I do, but that shouldnt affect your life anymore. It`s times like these when i [ need ] you the most.. and your not there.
:'(
just a giirl..
him, even though she's got a million other things she has to do.
The kinda girl that laughs at every little thing, yet gets mad at the
stupidest things.
The kinda girl that would rather have
one best friend then a bunch of friends. The kinda girl that smiles at the
sound of his name when he's not even there.
The kinda girl that doesnt care what people think about her, but can spend
hours getting ready to impress that special boy.
The kinda girl that just wants the real thing ... but seems to want to much to make it happen. Or fucks up everytime she's got it.
dont believe the guy who says he loves you,
believe the one who shows he loves you.
believe the one who shows he loves you.
a moment ago it seemed
it was yesterday
you were here with me
and everything seems to be the same
what am i supposed to do
with all these empty rooms?
sit here in solitude
with the smell of your perfume
ya never took the time to know me
ya never took the time to understand
ya never took the time to know me
yeah
cause lovin' you is all i ever had
still lovin' you is all i ever have
this wasn't what i wanted to be
a man in misery
girl i look back a thousand times
and can't believe that you left me
why you leave me baby
why can't you understand my pain
how can i explain
girl i don't know what i'm doin' wrong
i can't believe that your love is gone
cause you never took the time to know me
said you never took the time to know me
you never took the time to understand
oh
oh yeah
said you never took the time to know me
said you never took the time to know me
see lovin' you is all i ever had
baby lovin' you is all i ever had
ooh yeah
you're all i need
you're all i see
and i wish that we could do it again
cause you never took the time to know
baby you never took the time to know me
you never took the time to understand
oh oh
yeah
said you never took the time to know me
yeah
because of you now i'm just a lonely man
oh
because of you now i'm just a lonely man
Lost my bf/future Fiance... currently heartbroken now.
How could I fuck things up so bad that he would want to leave me?
I must be the worst girlfriend ever...
He deserves so much better, I hate myself for hurting him.
Maybe if I just never ever opend my mouth, and was cool with everything he would still be mine....
Depression starts here...
[ Quote ]
HOLY MOTHER FUCKING CRAP!!
- - Karen; ;
You Are Simply Amazingly Gorgeous And
You S T O L E All Of The B E A U T I F U L N E S S
When You Were Born;;
Lucky[ Quote ]
Haha, that's sorta funny. Jyl your a dork.
I love him more then anyone, and I'm gonna prove it to him. I can't wait to see him, it's gonna be more perfect.
Umm I'm about 5'4 - 5'5, haven't checked in awhile, so not quite sure. Unfortunitly i'm fat and weigh 136 :(
Also Well I love Partyin', and drinking with friends. People say i'm a crazy/funny person, so i guess thats me. I love laughing and just haveing a good time. I'm always up for trying new things. Poetry is my life, I enjoy reading it, and writeing it. Plan to publish a book in the future. People say i'm talented and pretty good at it, so if you ever want to read a poem I wrote just let me know. I love my bestfriends to death, and would do anything for them. My favorite band is Evanescence, i'm completely obsessed. I'd go lesbian for AMY LEE! Second would have to be Hinder, Austin is so fuckin' hot haha. So yeah, if you haven't listend to either of them, i seriously surjest doing so, right now!
There's probably lots more to write, but I don't feel like typeing it all so if you want to know anything, just ask me.
My [ philosophy ]...
Meeting you was [ fate ]
Becomeing your friend was my [ choice ]
Falling in [ love ] with you was beyond my [ controle ]
When You Shed A Tear And You Still Want Him
Its When He Ignores You And You Still Want Him
Its When He Loves Another Girl
You Still Smile And Say I’m Happy For You..
When All You Really Wanna Do Is Cry
<left>Two tear drops were floating
down a river. The first one *
asked "who are you from" she
replied, "I'm from a girl who's
man left her. Who you from "
He replied, "I'm from the man who
regrets letting her go." <|3</left>
don`t matter, 'cause I got you babe
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
BuckCherry
You got a lovely face
We're going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud
Getting fucking laid
You want me to stay
But I got to make my way
Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
The paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one night payed in full
You're so fine
It won't be a loss
Cashing in the rocks
Just to get you face to face
Fuck you so good
Get the video
Fuck you so good
Crazy bitch
Crazy... bitch
You want it all
To be a star you'll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me!
You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me!
So many times I... I had my F O O T out the door.
So many times I... I thought to give him a C H A N C E.
Thought he'd be a B E T T E R man.
Now I'm sitting here, and I'm so C O N F U S E D.
'Cause I keep F I G H T I N G myself for you.
I don't know how much more I can T A K E,
But I can't F E E L this way...
You got me so [T O R N!]
This is my B E S T F R I E N D, Jade.
Jade hun, your Beautiful, no matter what you think. Your a total sweetheart, defently one of the best.We got alot in commen too, it's really saweet. Hehe us and older guys, i love it.So yeah, were pretty tight now. If anyone messes with jade, I swear to god i will kill you. She's one of my best girls. Anyway, Can't wait till we can hang out, love ya lot's hun!!!
[</3]
but when you do have it, you can't appreciate it, you destroy it.
when you lose it, you want it back, but when it's gone
you can never understand why you let it go
without you - i laugh harder
you had it all but did not know
no one you'll find will ever be
closer to all your dreams than me
believing the grass would be greener
you told yourself "I just don't need her now"
but I know you'll soon discover
you'll never be satisfied with any other."
i just dont care
Holly shit i just don't know anymore, i'm afraid my relationship is fuckin' dieing.
I love Michael, i'm afraid to lose him.
Written about Thursday 2007-02-22
Written: (6483 days ago)
And here come the bad feelings and signs...
I'm so depressed, this is the third night i've woken up crying.
Idk how much longer we'll be together, dosn't look like long at all.
I'm stressed to the max trying to make this work out, and be as perfect as it was before, but some how i'm constantly fuckin' up obviously.
[ Why is it I only feel when somethings been torn away?
- You all look at me as if the GASHES didn't hurt ]
He's so perfect, he's so close to being everything!!!
So I'm pretty much dateing the best guy alive, Marcel.. I love him alot.
It's amazeing how feelings grow within time, and how you can fall for someone hardcore.
Anyway, we fight alot but he's never not crossing my mind. Ha even right after we fight, just thinkin' about him seems to always make me smile. Most of the time i wonder why he's even with me... He could do so much better, and at times i don't treat him as good as i should. He means so much to me though, and I can't wait to be with him!
I love him, and i'm gonna spend forever proveing that soon to the best of my ability.
<3
DUDE....
So pretty much fuckin' great weekend all together!
Sunday was pretty gay, but Friday and Saturday were dope.
I met this chick named shay, she's totally fuckin' cool and it's amazeing how close we are already.
We got so wasted, and got stopped by 6 cops then another 2 within the same ten minutes.
Fuck hopefully more drunken times await us shay, your the best.
P. S - R & R IS FUCKIN' NASTY SHIT! YUCKY It'll make you gag.
P. S. S - SAME WITH DISTILLED VODKA, GROSS! the taste will never leave your mouth, makes you not want to drink for along time.
P. S . S . S - Considering it's so gross... why the fuck did i chug the rest of it??? Shay do you know why??? lol damn i have no idea. That's what you call stupidity right there!
THIS IS BULLSHIT PEOPLE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
So there's been lot's of talk about my dad, My dad is none of your guy's concern, EVER!
The only time you should talk about him, is if i brought it up. WHICH I DID NOT!
He's dead, and I think talkin' shit about him is the lowest possible thing you can ever do.
Then telling me i'm lieing about how he died??? WTF people. I only told you 'cause i think i could trust you, obviously it was a mistake. And i would never ever lie about something like that...
It's amazeing how disrespectful people can really truly be, especially someone you thought was your friend one minute, then just spazes and calls you a fuckin' cunt and shit.
All that drama is actually kind of ridiculous.
So today i've learn't who can really be respectful and who can't, not to mention who is really a true friend, and who is not.
So I offically had the worst Birthday of my life. Woke up this moring around 5 Am, started to cry. I remember how my dad use to wake me up early, just to wish me a happy birthday, Now he's gone.He died a month ago, nice birthday present eh? I Went to school, everyone i knew forgot about my birthday, special eh? That made me feel even worse. Didn't get to do anything for my birthday, would of had no one to hang with anyway. I don't really fit into a group anymore, I guess you can say i've been replaced, forgotten, etc. I came home from school, did nothing. Got to go out for dinner though, thats about it. Then later my mom, and two sisters got into a big fight, physical i mean. It scared me, made me feel even worse about my birthday.Then Kimberly decided she was gonna run away, so now i'm sitting here, waiting till i hear from her or till she gets home. So yeah, I offically claim this the worst Birthday of my life.