[Karen]'s diary
"if you dont believe in yourself, no one will"
Something I've learned about life; if you look confident, you can pull off anything
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP - BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WOULD KILL TO SEE YOU FALL
& love was just a lesson upon another - heartbreak after heartbreak .
No more lies, I'mma do it right this time. Done wastin' my time.
" someday, someone is going to walk into your life, and make you
realize why it NEVER worked out with anyone else. "
♥
thug em : love em : fuck em: leave em
CUZ I DONT FUCKING NEED EM
thug : fuck : leave - love is make believe.
I don't chase 'em, I replace 'em and if I'm caressing 'em, I'm undressing 'em.
" yeah, you thinkin' they your friends, but everytime i
come around, they be givin' me that sex face."
act like shyt dont phase you - and it wont phase you.
she's been up and down, been all around
my attitude is just like fuck it now.
♥ ♥ ♥
No eating, Starting 5:30 pm
May 13th
Goal- Atleast a week.
all one regret : one dissapointment : one heartbreak
looked away. After all the times you walked by without a care in the world...
You expected me to love you by the look in my eyes, but she told
me things I didn't wanna hear. It made me weak. I didn't wanna hear
what you were about to say. the sad truth is : I still think about you each day.
I told you I wouldn't talk to you again the other day. Never thought you'd
be the one to turn out this way....
AND PAIN IS [ LOVE ]!
[ ( & ) ] I will be strong, even when all goes wrong
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•
__• • ii wonder what would happen
x • x - if we fell for eachother again...
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
[stump]
I love it when they try to get intimate : even tho they know i really ain't into it
+ I already know the game and I've been through it .
SHES BACK IN THA GAME - CUZ LOVE JUST AINT THA SAME .
Sell em with your name and your freak out game and show a lil shot of ass just to get in his brain
See hes the type of guy that me and my girls laugh at..
tryin to "holla" at me, haha but no he cant have that.
he needs to quit talkin like a bitch, before we slap that.
even if i was drunk, i wouldnt tap that.
_____________ xox
" Heart - breaker "
( L )
"you`re boyfriend told my bestfriend that his bestfriend and
him both agree that i`m hot, and everything that you`re not.
baby - you`re old news."
& you`ll never see me fall apart .
behind every glance . theres a smile
behind every word . theres the secret
guess sometimes you`ve gotta hate
the person that your in love with.
sometimes you`ve gotta accept the fact
that it`s over .
over over over
i'm not a fuckin' slut, you fucking cock suckers.
Your moms the one letting everyone fuck her.
YOU [ CONTRADICT ] THE FACT THAT YOU STILL WANT ME *AROUND*
A week without you, thought i'd forget. Two weeks without you, and I still haven't gotten over you yet.
[ </3 ]
+bitches pursue me like a dream_
[ + SO IT WORKED OUT ]
[ IN YOUR FAVOR - WE AINT NOTHING MAJOR ]
Ridin 'round town in a hot pink Hummer, hot like summa
With the diamond bangles
Like Charlies Angels, you can't knock my hustle
And I need my bread up front playboy , cause I can't trust ya
IMA BOSS YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT. YOUR BOYS PULLING ON MY PANTS LIKE
HE ABOUT TO KNOW THAT AND NOBODYS STOPPING NOBODY
truth is, you could [ fuck ]
all day [ - ] but it would never
[ feel ] like my S E X
♥ [ ♥ ] ♥ [ ♥ ] ♥ [ ♥ ] ♥
_ _ _The ladies and me_ _ _
_ _ _The ladies and me_ _ _
Lumidee ft. Tony Sunshine - She's like the wind
(Lumidee)
Listen baby, I been around
I know that you like
How I wear my crown
I know that I'm something
Thats so profound
So far what I'm hearing
Look I like the sound (Huh)
Everybodys talking about it
We could be tough (ooh)
Why would you doubt it
Ya...palms is sweaty
And your heart starts pounding
This is what your feeling (huh)
Tell me about it
(Tony Sunshine)
She's like the wind, through my trees
(baby yea)x2
She rides at night, next to me
Like you won't believe (nnnooo)
She leads me through moonlight
Only to burn me with the sun
Damn it, I believe she knows
She's taken my heart
She doesn't know what she's done
Baby please
(Chorus)
I feel her breath in my face
Her body close to me
Can't look in her eyes
She's out of my league
ooohhh
I'm just a fool to believe
She's got anything I need
She's like the wind
(Lumidee)
If you can't conceive with nothing
Cause you just let it be nothing
Good, we just hanging around
Sneaking a look when I can just put you down
Tony:
Girl I look in the mirror (what you see)
And all I see (tell me what you see girl 2x)
Is a hell of a man, with only a dream
Am I just fooling myself yea
Thinkin she'll stop the pain (yes she will 2x)
Living without her, I'd go insane
Damn it I believe she knows
Chorus:
Lumidee:
Look I'm right here, come on toughen up
Boo get it together and just try your luck
Ever since I heard that you got this little crush I,
Passed your way and its given me a rush so I,
Peeped your style, yes I'm impressed
Always with the best, put them other dudes to rest
So you aint got to stress cause I got what you need
I could ease your pain and fullfill all your dreams.
Tony:
I'm just a fool to believe she has anything I need
Chorus:
Lumidee: 2x
If you can't conceive with nothing
Cause you just let it be nothing
Good we just hanging around
Sneaking a look when I can just put you down
She's like the wind!
i'm writeing on walls 'cause i miss you
A week without you, thought i'd forget. Two weeks without you and i still haven't gotten over you yet.
YOU CONTRADICT THE FACT THAT YOU STILL WANT ME AROUND .
make your move boy, before shes gone. cause people change, and hearts move on.
( & ) they say it fades if you let it. love was made to forget it.
all one regret : one dissapointment : one heartbreak
You stopped and looked into my eyes today ; after all the times you
looked away. after all the times you walked by without a care in the world..
you exspected me to love you by the look in my eyes but she told
me things i didnt wanna hear. It made me weak .. i didnt wanna hear
what you were about to say . the sad truth is : i still think about you eachday .
i told you i wouldnt talk to you again the other day. never thought youd
be the one to turn out this way..
( & ) i will be strong, even when all goes wrong
Tell me how to forgive you
When it’s me who’s ashamed
And I wish I could free you
of the hurt and the pain
but the answer is simple
he's the one to blame!!!!
Written about Sunday 2007-04-08
Written: (6438 days ago)
It's amazeing how someone can hurt you so much, yet you'd give anything to physically be with them.
It's amazeing how you can point out so much to them, yet they act blind towards the obvious and just don't see it.
It's amazeing how I can still love him, after everything he did to me.
It's even more amazeing how I can hurt so much, after finally saying fuck you and pushing him away.
But the most amazeing thing is how even thinkin' about him still makes me shed a tear and smile.
Sleepless nights I ponder, questioning your affection
streaming tears breeze gently down my face.
My ability to breathe without you is inapplicable
My slashes are the heartbreak within
So I slough my blood for you
I hunger for you to be mine,
My dreaded flirtation.
[ (C) ] Copywritted to Karen Barclay, aka moi.
Steal my stuff I write, I kill you.
"The only man a girl can trust is her dad"
Well thanks, Who the fuck do I have now..???
[ </3 ]</b></center>
[</3]
but when you do have it, you can't appreciate it, you destroy it.
when you lose it, you want it back, but when it's gone
you can never understand why you let it go
__• • ii wonder what would happen
x • x - if we fell for eachother again...
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
forever & always
- wasn`t all it was played out to be
"This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than to build a relationship. This is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed,only to discover that "he's just not ready", he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be "tied down." This is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes crushed. This is for the nights when you've seen him from across the room leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, to the girl he's with to be a random hookup. this is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep. This is for the "I still like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends,for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; This is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; This is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys -this is for every girl because every girl has been hurt or felt this way at some point.every girl has given herself to a guy fully and completely in hopes that he would someday return the favour only to find that he`s given himself to somebody else, somebody better somebody who deserves him more. somebody who really is girlfriend material as opposed to somebody who just wants to be girlfriend material."
+ never good enough .
&&Baby ever since you left;;
--*It feels like there's somethin missin'
_ + _ + _ like i've had to go forever without you ;
Written about Monday 2007-03-26
Written: (6450 days ago)
Somethings wrong with your mind, it wont think of me anymore.
Was it all a waste of time? tell me why was i such a chore...
I love him -
I just don't know what to do anymore, nor what to think.
The reality of it is i know me and Marcel will never be the same again, as much as i wish that wasn't true, I know it is.
With my luck he'll move on fast, or we'll stop talkin' completely. We barley speak as it is right now, i'm loseing him.
Hell i'm loseing hope.
The hardest part that i'm faceing right now is faceing that dreded reality. A reality i swore i'd never have to face when it came to me and Marcel, and it hurts me.
What ever happend to forever???
LMAO!
Karen - OMG! I got this shirt and it makes my boobs look bigger. And i got clevage, I NEVER EVER SAW THAT!
Karen - lol did you know i had clevage? i didnt know that
Elvira - hahaha
Karen - just wait till i get my breast implants! i'll be pouring out muwhuhuh!
Elvira - HAHA!
I said I had a dirty mouth.
Stop analysing my behaviour,
If you're too dumb to work it out.
[stump][ </3 ]Marcel[ </3 ] - Self explanitory, My EVERYTHING! I love him with everything i am, for everything he is. I miss him, and it's killing me things didn't work out. He hurt me yes, But i love him to death. I'd die for him. It was real between us, you know?
However I guess it's completely over, time for me to move on. As of now?
[Satin Diamond]That's my Filicia, basically the best chick ever! I love her tons.
[Jesse Marie :)]Jesse, basically also one of the best chicks ever. She's been there for me while i've been depressed lately, and has also vulenteerd to kick marcel in the ass for me, yay!
She's also incredibly beautiful, don't you agree?
[crazystuff]This is Trent! He's a really cool guy, even though he's my ex's bestfriend, he's still pretty sweet.
[patrick.]A really sweet guy that just cheered me up majorly, and thinks my poetry skills are talent. :D
[violent.beauty]Kathryn is my sister, and I love her so much. Especially when she gots my back and completely spazes at the guys that hurt me. Love you Kathryn, your the best sister.
[Swan79] Nick is probably like my bestfriend. He's there for me everytime, and at anytime. He has been since I met him. He's literally the best, can't get any better then nick ladies.
[Kelcee] Kelsey is my sexy lover! Were going to sex on the floor! Right kelsey? :p
[Xx SeXi PlAyBoI xX] Jade - Still one of my bestfriends, however she's never on here anymore 'cause she can't get on due to password difficulites. We still talk quite often, and I still love her to death and am planning on moveing in with her soon.
[inserting name here] Haven't known her very long, maybe like just over a week or so. She's really cool though, and has also cheered me up.
[lyssabee]That's my cousin Alyssa, pretty cool but has a really weird side haha but yeah, i love her tons. Were only 3 days apart, damn her for being older.
still lovin' you is all i ever [ have ]!
without you - i laugh harder
you had it all but did not know
no one you'll find will ever be
closer to all your dreams than me
believing the grass would be greener
you told yourself "I just don't need her now"
but I know you'll soon discover
you'll never be satisfied with any other."
i just dont care
Just the other day I promised you I would be better, and I have failed horriably. You mean everything to me, but I know I have made you feel like you mean nothing. I love you more than anything and I have done a horriable job of showing it. I've made a lot of mistakes, breaking up with you was my biggest mistake. I love you. and I know you said you were giving up on me, idk how to change your mind and I wish I hadnt hurt you so much before because then this would be easier. I don't expect you to give me another chance even though I want you to. yesterday I had a bad day, I tried to be nice to you but I failed at that also. I failed really quickly. I took something out on you that you didnt make happen, something that you couldnt control, but you were there so I made the mistake of taking it out on you. I'm sorry. I wish I could change that. I wish I could call you my girl again, I want to be with you, even though I was the one who broke it off. I care about you more than I know how to say, and I wish I did, I wish I knew how to tell you how I was hurt when I fully realized what I had done. It's been one full day, but it seems like it has been a lot longer than that, it feels as though I've had to go without you for a very long time. I've made a huge mistake in losing you, you are beautiful, funny, great, your awesome. I'm sorry I can't word this better, and my thoughts are scrambled. and even though I don't expect you to give me a second chance, and that's not what I am trying to get right now. I want you to know I love you, I care about you, you mean everything to me. maybe I'll be able to figure out a way to have you give me another chance, I want that to happen. I'm sorry.
Love Michael
So i've pretty much realized nothings ever going to be the same again, between me and Marcel.
I love him so much, just things went so wrong.
It's times like these when i need him the most and he's not there....
I pretend to hate him, when really all i want to do is be with him.
Now i'll never have that chance, nor will i ever be as close to him as i was.
Don't get me wrong he was the one to fuck things up and hurt me, yet I want him so bad i can barley breathe.
It's like... fuck i'm just so miserable without him.
I've never felt this way before, and i wish it would just stop. These feelings i have for him are like no other, and uhh he crushed me :(
But damn i want my baby back!
Ugh i want to die.
I barley sleep, I cry myself to sleep, i'm not eating, i'm depressed. I MISS HIM!
I've never felt so lonely....
Fixable??? I think not!
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