why the fuck do i always fall in love with people who hurt me? What did I ever do wrong? I was the biggest bitch towards the one person who actually loved me. Im such a fucking dumbass. God hates me but Ive forgotten how to give a shit what god thinks

Ive forgotten to remember all the lies
all the pain youve inflicted upon me,
the pills of happiness that shadowed the pain
till it built up to the point where death was leaking from my veins
you expected me to push you forward as you began to retreit
and lift you up after every defeat
Ive become your slave
im held captive by your demonic soul
youve trapped me in a corner and watched me disenegrate as I fall lower and lower to the ground,
Im chained by the ankles,
scratching at the walls
screaming, kicking but no one can hear me
my heart is hollow,
youve sucked every drop of love out of it and bathed in it
are you happy?
that I'll never be free
Im begging for someone to save me
from being enslaved for all eternity

I feel like shit. Everything that I thought mattered meant nothing. Maybe I should move on and find happiness somewhere else. It seems like the best thing to do as of now. Maybe I should forget everything youve said that I thought you meant and act like there was never a " me and you". Or maybe I should pull the trigger, I think youd feel the pain from being gone, but maybe im mistaken. Maybe you wouldnt give a damn whether I was here or not. Should I put an end to this misery? Or maybe not. Even though you've hurt me, Im still here and believe it or not, I will allways be waiting for you to be somewhat "mine".