[Sophia]'s diary
Okay, so lately I've been cybering ... a lot... but today was different.
Jordan was... different to everyone else - and I don't know how.
If he wasn't so far away I would be sooo confused right now. He's intelligent, he's into the same stuff as me, he's a wrestler, he's funny, and caring, and... I dunno... perfect I guess.
I don't know why I talked to him realy, I told him he had the coolest hair ever. He does - it's black, and blue, and purple, and red. I love it lol
Then we got chatting, and he was acting as if I was some beauty from afar almost. He told me my beauty made Aphrodite look like a hag.
Two things about this impressed me about this - he knew who aphrodite was/is (dependant on your beliefs) - and was also being sincere it turns out.
I think he's a bit blind personaly... but hey!
It's really strange, loads of people keep telling me I'm beautiful, and I don't believe any of them.
I think 'pretty' is about pushing it, so beautifull is way overdoing it.
But then Arrons Uncle said it... and i actualy believed him for some reason.
I mean, he's got no reason to lie - and no reason to think better of me that I actualy am... so... you know?
When guys say it, they normaly want something; when girls say it, they're just being nice; but when a friends relative says something... its totaly different.
Your own relatives either think too much, or too little of you anyway... other peoples relatives can be more honest sort of thing.
I'm all confused about how I feel though.
Last night, I told Will I love him (I've got to stop telling people I love them. I mean something very different to what they think) but I'm not inlove with him. Today I said I loved Jordan... because he said it first... and its rude to not reply the same... and I do really like him.
I think I love Arron - I sure feel like I do. I'm just tired of always missing him; and feeling like he doesn't really care all that much.
I think thats the reason I'll do it with anyone lately, I just miss Arron to the point where I'll do anything to make him jealous, even if he'll never find out about it. I'm trying to spite him... show him that I can get a guy tomorow if I want to.
The thing is, I don't want another guy. Yeah, Jordan's so like me, he seems perfect. But I've only known him a few hours.
Real love takes time.
Me and Arron have real love. I love him truely. I feel something more for him than I have anyone else. Even TJ.
I can't explain it. He makes me feel whole sort of thing.
But he's not really very romantic.
Jordan was on the verge of sprouting poetry.
He kept calling me Sophia - which I adore.
I feel like a princess when he calls me that.
Still, it's not REAL. It's still over the internet... it's still just words.
He says he truely loves me... and I'm scared I've started something again, like with Will.
I don't love either of them, I just really like them.
I love Arron - and no amount of flirting is going to change that fact.
*sigh* I keep digging deeper into this hole.
Maybe I'll be clever and build a ladder sometime soon...
Oh well, fingers crossed eh?
Blessed Be
xx Sophia xx
My new fave saying:
Can I have a hug if I promise not to kill you?
There's some really nice people on here. And some real cuntbags too...
strange that!
ooh ooh *waves franticaly* heeey!!
I didn't know you read this!
If I'd known you were going to read this, I'd have made it more interesting!
The most natural thing in the world is a hug. The sweetest thing a guy can ever do is hold you in his arms and kiss you on top of the head. But then you kiss him back... and then you can't stop kissing him, and holding him, and things get... out of hand.
Thats how guys always catch me out. They hold me close, and kiss the top of my head, and I melt. I'm theres.
I'm too easy really. All I ever want is a hug and a kiss, and I'm hooked.
Tips to guys trying to pull:
Slide your hand around their waist
brush the hair away from their eyes
hold them gently, but also tightly
kiss their brow, their neck, their cheek
it works just about everytime.
atleast, it does to me... theres something irresistable about a guy who doesn't push, but just gives you affection.
Arron's the best at that. He just holds me in the right places, and then bends down and kisses me.
God I miss him
blessed be
xx
*sings* you don't have to be rich to be my girl
you don't have to be cool to rule my world
ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time, and your kiss!
Never say I love u
if it isn't really there
Never talk bout feelings
if you really don't care
Never hold my hand
if u'r gonna break my heart
Never say u are gonna
If u dont plan to start
Never look into my eyes
If all u do is lie
Never say hello
If u really mean goodbye
If u really mean foreva
Then please say u'll try ..
Never say forever..
Because forever makes me cry
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last,
that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and
bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is
dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but
restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors
and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing
room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly
reiterate how cute/beautiful
appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of
support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back
attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a
girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends
back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the
guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy
male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but
give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game
where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend
material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice
guys who are overlooked, underestimated
guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
*cries*
I hate me.
What am I fucking DOING??
I mean... cybering with a stranger... agreeing to meet up with Will... loving Arron....
Maybe I'm pissed at him, and this is my revenge.
I couldn't do anything physical... but over the internet I can pretend it's him.
How sad is that?
I need to get a life. Or see him.
I've found a diary entry in runes. Will have to translate it for you sometime tonight.
Very hot - can't believe I wrote that in school.
I know why I encoded it - that's the truth!!
It's kinda hard to read, because I didn't proof read it, but hey.
Here you go:
"
I can’t stop it. Every time I think of him imagine pushing my hands up his top, up his chest, and pulling his top off, then running my hands down his front as I kiss that gently, sweet mouth of his.
My hands caress his tight stomach, his arms are rapped around me, and his smooth hands are slipped under my top. They’re warm and strong, and he holds me with a quiet intensity, which he expresses with his lips, pressing against me with an urgency only equalled by my own desire for him.
I know I’m planning on waiting till I’m eighteen, but I can’t help it, I want him so badly. My hands are working on their own, slipping to his belt buckle, slowly pushing it open.
His hands slide up my back to the clasp of my bra and it click open as his belt slides apart, and he lifts my top, so I lift my arms in acquiescence. My bra pulls off with it, catching somewhere inside it.
As it passes my fingers, he drops it to the floor, and grabs me round the waist, pulling me close, and my hands drop around his neck. Our kiss intensifies, and my fingers dance in his hair as I feel his hands roam my upper body.
Again my hands seem to work without my mind, slipping between his arms and beginning to undo his loose jeans. As He pushes gently at my jeans they slip a little, and with an extra push, he lets them fall to the floor, where his soon join them. Both in seconds de remove each others under garments.
As we hold each other, kissing faces and necks, neither of us seems to notice how close we are until suddenly his penis pushes against my vagina and my body opens up for him to enter me.
His hands grasp my buttocks gently and he pushes into me slowly, then pulls out, causing my breath to catch.
As he moves in and out of me, my body responds, crushing its self against him, what had been slow and gentle, quickly becoming fast and exuberant.
How we keep from falling over, I don’t know. Our breathing is now heavy and synchronous as the moans escape my lips
.”Oh Arron” my voice is faint but reflects the ecstasy on his face.
As his speed increases my quiet moans become louder and we’re both lost in the ecstasy we’ve created.
He comes, ejaculating his sweet hot seed. The warmth spreads over my whole body, and his mouth catches mine as our movement stops. We drop to our knees, still holding each other with tenderness.
Then we’re laid down, our breathing slowing. My head rests on his chest, my hands on his chest and stomach. His arms cradle me and he rests his head upon mine. The feeling of safety and fulfilment overwhelms me, and happy tears fall from my eyes. My love is with me at last.
"
yeah, so I have some strange fantasy's... you love me anyway
Blessed Be xx
Wih, I had my filling today - was shaking with fear, but I did really well. Didn't complain when it hurt, didn't try running away or anything
I can't feel a difference, but it's kinda silvery if I look in the mirror with my mouth wide open (not something I'm accustomed to).
Anyway, so I've got a bit further with my room; we're going to skeggy tomorow with the kiddies; I've got loads of energy; my doc's given me more of the same drugs, and life is just cruisin along nicely.
I'm still thinking about Aza alot, but not so much since he's stopped texting me back.
I'm feeling so good.
Things can only get better :D
Blessed Be
xx Lauren xx
pinched this off [deamon90002004]
*a girls first time*
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
;refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks
deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
;more room for an easy
entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as little pain as
possible. As he presses
;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way; pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
What were you thinkin' ?
PERVERT
I know what you were thinking!!
Hahahaha!! Just read that wrong!
The 'Blocks' link... I so just saw it as Bolocks!
I'm sooo tired!
I've been doing my room for two days now, and it's only half done
*Yawn*
Okay, the half that's done is practicaly perfect; but it's just sooo much hard work.
I decided to do a total revamp, and sort everything out. Wardrobe, boxes, chests... everything.
My wardrobe and chest of drawers are done... the rest is a biiiig old heap in the middle of the floor lol
I've got to go sort my washin out in a mo.
Can't be bothered like... but hey!
Gotta move my lil telly off mum+dad's bed too.
And clean the kitchen.
Gosh, I'm sooo tired.
I totaly can't be bothered!
Oh well. Nevermind. Atleast I didn't have any major distractions today (Arron) lol!
I'm off anywho... chattin to some people in my break :P
It's nearly 10pm like... but hey!
My god! Last night was incrediable.
I'd never orgasmed before, let alone only from talking to someone.
It was crazy!
Me and Arron were just textin eachother, and we were being kinda... insinuating and stuff... and then that. Wow.
Okay, so you don't really want to be reading about how I totaly came while in bed. I'm just still on a bit of a high/hyperness from it.
Thats also the first time all of my myrad dreams have revolved around him. I'm dieing to see him.
He's in Grantham later today - and let me tell you, the thought is driving me mad! That I may not see him is just... torture. But I'm half expecting not to see him at all.
I've been trying so hard for the last hour to think about something other than him, but nooo, can't do that.
Not when the last 40 txts on my phone are from him.
Goddess I love him.
He's so perfect; he makes me feel perfect.
I'm waiting for the light levels to increase a little more before I get stuck in with my room.
I reckon if I try hard enough, I could have it nearly done by tomorow.
Ofcourse, I've got all under my desk, 2 chest of drawers, and a corner to empty out... but hey!
My wardrobe is done - and that's the biggest step or all!!
Since I have so much room in there, I may put a few of my boxes in the top of my wardrobe... Not sure yet though.
I'm considering re-arranging some of the stuff in my wardrobe before I get started today aswell.
I keep thinking about what to do if Arron pops round while I'm still doing my room.
I'm in scruffs (since I'm doing my washing atm), my rooms a disaster area...
Oh well, lets just see what happens
Right, I'm going to take a nice deep breath, check my emails, and head off.
Blessed Be
xx Lauren xx
Okay, I've slept on it, and now I'm really pissed.
Not just at Aza, at me.
I'm not the sort of person who can stand sitting around and waiting. Yet that's what I've been doing. Waiting for him to be free, waiting for him to call me.
I mean it! This is not who I am. I'm the sort of person who gets out there and does something.
Or I was. Until I became this fucking HERMIT!
I'm so sick of myself. Of what I've become.
Maybe these pills have finaly kicked in or something, but I feel like such a moron!
How could I have let myself become this?
That's what's really pissing me off. I'm just a shell of the person I once was; and it drives me nutts!
I mean, yeah, I always had a messy bedroom. I always liked being in small groups and stuff. But I was always out DOING something! This sitting on the computer all day drives me crazy.
But I no longer have the confidence to go out. I don't know who I am anymore.
That sounds stupid, but it's true. I mean, am I the biker girl? Or the girly girl? Or... or what??
I just have totaly lost my own identity.
I isolated myself for so long that I didn't have to have an identity. I was me... sometimes... and it never mattered.
I don't have any real friends. I haven't let myself have any.
The people I call friends don't know me, and aren't there for me; because I don't let them be.
I've pushed everyone away from me so much that I have no one left.
I've managed to fool myself that I'm doing the right thing.
But I can't kid myself anymore.
I wish that I was just numb still so I didn't have to feel this. So I didn't have to face the fact that I've pretty much done everything I could to ruin this life.
It's going to take so long to rebuild.
Sure, I never 'self harmed'. I never sliced my wrists... but I did something just as bad. I broke everything in my world, and now I've left myself peices to pick up, and not enough super glue to fix it all.
It's like when you get into a temper tantrum and smash stuff in your room, then you calm down and go "NO!! That was my favourite CD!! Why did I do that??"
I had 5 years of smashing my life to bits. How many will it take to even get it fixed?
10? 20?
The first step has to be to stop lieing to myself.
I've decided, even if I lie to other people, I've GOT to stop lieing to myself.
No more pretending this is ok.
No more waiting for it to fix it's self.
I'm so scared that I wont be able to though.
I'm scared it's too big a job, and I don't know where to start. Or who can help.
The only people I can turn to don't really understand.
Mum? She tries to take control, and while I want that right now, I know I can't do that. I've got to fix this, not get mummy to tell me what to do.
Arron? We barely talk, let alone talk about important things.
Kiran?
I just don't see how anyone is supposed to help.
All my friends, they know the me that I am now. They don't know who I am. They don't know the real me; and most of them don't care.
That sounds callus, but it's not me being pesimistic. The fact is, people have their own problems, they don't need a friend going "I don't know who I am, and you don't know me"
It's just ... stupid.
I'm still trying to sort my head out - and all I seem to do is get into this spiral of pain, doubt and anger.
I'm going to have to break it. I've just got to work out how.
I feel calmer now; a lot calmer.
I think I'm going to try cleaning my room.
Fresh start, clean start... maybe it'll help.
I want to see Arron. I want him to hold me and tell me everything will be ok.
I want to be able to tell him what's wrong. I just don't seem to be able to.
It's as if he's my escape. I don't have to think about my problems when I'm with him.
It's just that they hit me hard afterwards.
He makes me feel happy - but I know in my heart that it's not real happiness. It's content; and my escapism coming out.
It's just that Arron has his own problems, and I don't want to add to them. I don't want to be a burden.
Your boyfriend is supposed to be someone you can tell anything. Someone who helps you through life. I don't think Arron is that.
Maybe I just don't let him be that.
I really don't know.
I don't know if he could handle it.
I think he could, but I don't know for sure.
I think the thing is, I don't want him to have to handle it.
I should ask him. I should ask him if he wants to know the truth... the real me. Ask him if he wants to know what's really wrong with me.
If he says 'yes', then I'll gloss over it maybe.
If he says 'Of course I do!', then I'll probably tell him the truth.
I just don't know if I'll manage either asking him, or telling him.
I'm not dealing well with this, and I'm having a weird flashback/deja vu... and it's confusing the hell out of me.
I want to run away.
I want to just go - away - alone. That's not true, I want someone to take me away. I want someone to want to take me with them, just us. I want to feel loved. Right now I feel neglected, abandoned, betrayed.
I don't even know why!
I couldn't explain it even if I tried.
I just want to sleep; and never wake up.
This deep pain will fade soon though. I'll make it fade back into the receses of my mind. Push it away.
My heart can bleed all it wants - I wont feel it tomorow.
I hope you're feeling better than this. I wish no-one else ever has to feel this way.
Blessed be
Lauren x
I feel so stupid.
How could I not see how much more I loved him than he loved me.
TJ told me, he warned me Arron had his prioroties screwed up.
But god damn it, I love him. I can't love him any less than this! I can't go - ok - you don't love me that much, I'll stop loving you a bit.
It doesn't work.
Why do I wanna see him so much, and he can go "Oh, well I'm kinda busy."
I was honestly considering dropping out of Lucy's birthday party to go be with him; and he turns round and says "I want to meet my sister. I've not seen her in 11 years".
Well you're sister is living less than half a mile away from me! Why can't you spend a little tiny bit of time with me that day too??
Maybe I'm being selfish, but you would not believe how much this hurts.
He's the only thing I think of day and night. I miss him with every fiber of my being; and he can just turn round and say he doesn't think he'll see me. Like it's nothing.
Like if he did see me, it would be like giving a dog a bone.
He means everything to me, and it feels like I mean nothing to him.
I know he's kinda scared of major commitment like kids and marriage, but so am I. I'm not asking to marry him ffs! I just wanna see him for an hour, maybe two.
I guess thats just too much to ask though.
The main reason I want to get a 125, and pass my CBT is so I could go see him. Maybe I really don't know him though.
Maybe he really has changed too much. I feel like... like he doesn't care.
Like he's stringing me along.
I want to say "I know he's not though. I'm just over reacting. He's tired, he's the sort of bloke who gets tunnel vision. He didn't mean to sound like he didn't care, he was falling asleep ffs! He noticed I was well quiet, kept asking if I was ok and how my day was."
But I also want to say "You stupid idiot. The signs have been there all along. TJ noticed, Sasha noticed, but you refused to acknowledge it. You wouldn't let yourself see what an ass he can be. You made excuses, and you still do. You try to make him seem perfect, when you know damn well there's bits of him you don't like!"
Then again, part of me just says "Go to sleep. Stop worrying. Just sleep ffs, you're knakered."
So that last bit is the bit I'm going to listen to.
I can't stand more tears. I can't try and work this all out in my head, because I know I don't have the full story; and if I keep it up, I know I'll end up crying and thinking that he's inlove with some other girl who's pretty, has amazing eyes, is funny and irresistable, and who he can't stop thinking about.
Part of me is sure I'm making her up completely, and part of me is positive he's working with her!
How ghey is that??
Anyway, I was in floods of tears and had to let this out some way - and my jaw has locked shut for the time being.
So this little rant has helped.
I'm going to go to sleep now, or atleast to bed. Let my unconcious decide how I feel, because I sure as hell can't.
All I know is - love can really fucking hurt!
Blessed be
Lauren x
I have this guy! I'm so lucky!
OK, the word "oops" comes to mind.
How was I supposed to know I'd still have feelings for her??
I mean, come on! I hated her, she's a bitch - yet she drives me wild!
I came so close to making an ass of myself.
I'm lucky I have the kind of self control I do; otherwise that could have been a total mess.
It wouldn't have been an issue if she'd have been in more that a t-shirt and high socks.
But then she goes "I have such great legs" and shows them all the way to the top. I mean - come on!
The way she does that whole 'hurt and broken' thing - it just makes me want to wrap her in my arms and show her what real love can be.
You know you've got it bad when you want to kiss everything better for a girl, and I mean kiss everywhere better.
Resisting running a hand up those great legs was mild torture.
But then I'd think of Arron, and that just made things worse. Because every time I think of him I get so horny and lonely.
It's not the same feeling with Arron and her though. With her I just want to make her feel better. Want her to feel loved. Want to love her.
With Arron - it's bliss. It's like the slightest touch shoots fire into the place he touches me, and sets this lustfull fire going between my legs.
When I see him, I can't resist running into his arms. I nearly jumped out a moving car to get to him the other day - but mum pulled me back in until we'd stopped.
With Arron, its more than wanting him to feel loved, more than wanting to love him. It's absolute love for him, it's wanting to stay with him always, it's knowing he feels the same. I can tell by the way he looks at me, the way he kisses me, the little things he says.
What I feel for Arron makes the feelings for her look like... mild friendship; if that!
He's perfect.
He's great.
He's not got 'great legs' - he's simply great in every way.
I just wish he wasn't so far away all the time.
Well, rant over
Blessed be
xx lolly xx
Damn it
Damn it all to hell!
I'm feeling so shit!
I just wanna cry, and there's nothing I can do.
Stupid thing is, I can't cry.
How ghey is that?
I just can't cry.
I miss Arron way too much.
Way, way, waaaayy too much.
And all I can think is - we'll never bee together. Never.
And that hurts so god damn much!
I just want to be with him, is that too much to ask??
Apparently so!
It's funny really, Sasha's telling me about her life, and it seems so... trivial.
I don't know why, it just does.
I can't stand this pain.
I may die without him.
I've considered getting on my push bike and going to south witham. To him.
Maybe there's a bus?
I'm supposed to go to Rosie's party tonight and 'have a good time'.
But how can I have a good time if he's not there?
My brother and nephew are downstairs.
I should go see them.
I just don't want to atm. I wanna stay here.
I wanna cry. I want Arron.
Why do we have to be apart all the time?
It hurts so much.
And I hate that it hurts this much.
I'm not supposed to feel for him this much.
He isn't the one.... or is he?
I don't know.
I can't live without him.
That much I know.
Maybe if I set out now, I'd get to the OK diner by 10...
6 hours... should be enough time to walk there!
Ugh, but I have to pick beth up and take her to Rosies party.
It probably wouldn't take 6 hours to walk actualy.
It's like... 10... 15 miles right?
I can walk that!
The thing is, I shouldn't walk that.
I should wait.
I'm always god damn waiting.
I don't want to wait any more.
I want to hold him in my arms.
Say that I walk 3 miles an hour... that's about 4 hours walk... so, if I walked a little faster... maybe only 3 hours?
I want a motorbike so I can just... go.
Just go to him.
If I went by push bike... thats... um... *thinks* 1... maybe 2 hours?
If I could ride for that long, I would be there now.
Maybe if I start riding more... then I'd be able to get on a bike and go there.
It's only down the A1 after all!!
Ok. I seriously need some other focus in my life.
I can't concentrate at all.
I'm shocked I managed to get through my assesment.
Totally shocked.
I have to decide what to wear tonight too.
Ugh.
Girly stuff - what a pile of crap!
I don't want to dress up, I want to be in my scruffs, with Arron.
I need to stop obsessing about him.
I really do.
I have a very obsessive/adic
It's bad. Very bad.
Still.
I love him.
I love him more than I knew I could.
I think he loves me too.
Like... seriously loves me.
All I know is, I have got to chill.
I've got to stop missing him this much.
I'll never function if I keep this up.
Just push the pain way down and stamp on it.
Like everything else. Just push it away.
Live, Lauren, live... then love.
It doesn't work the other way round.
I'm going to start doing exercises to try and get my mind off him. I know I am.
Maybe it'll do me some good.
I hope so.
Blessed be
Lauren xx
A- Damn good in bed.
B- fun when it comes to meeting new people.
C- you believe in love
D- You have trouble trusting people.
E- you have a nice ass.
F- People totally adore you
G- Love is something you deeply believe in.
H- You have very good personality and looks.
I- You have a big warm heart.
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You like to try new things
L- You have a nice ass.
M- You never let ppl tell you what to do
N- One of the best in bed.
O- You love foreplay
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- People think you are so sexy.
S-You have a big heart
T -You are one of the best in bed.
U- You are really layed back.
V- You are not judgemental.
W- You are very broad minded
X- Success comes easily to you
Y- One of the hardest gangsters alive
Z- you are really a closet gay
hehe, this is good fun.
Don't know why I like it so much - but hey!!
L- You have a nice ass.
A- Damn good in bed.
U- You are really layed back
R- People think you are so sexy.
E- you have a nice ass.
N- One of the best in bed.
S-You have a big heart
O- You love foreplay
P- You are popular with all types of people.
H- You have very good personality and looks.
I- You have a big warm heart.
A- Damn good in bed.
have fun
..............
..............
..............
..........["IMmm,....,IM::::IM::IM,..........,m"]
..........["IMMIMMIMm::IM:::::IM""==mm.,mIM"]
....__......,[mIM::::::MIM:::::::IM::::mIMIM"]
.,[mMIMIMIIMIMM::::::::mM::::::::IMIMIMIMMM"]
[IMM:::::::::IMM::::::M::::::::IIM:::::::MM],
.["IMM::::::::::MM:::M:::::::IM:::::::::::IM,]
....["IMm::::::::IMMM:::::::IM:::::::::::::IM,]
......["Mm:::::::::IM::::::MM::::::::::::::::IM,]
.......[IM:::::::::IM::::::MM::::::::::::::::::IM,]
........[MM::::::::IM:::::::IM::::::::::::::::::IM]
........["IM::::::::IM:::::::IM:::::::::::::::::IM;].
.........["IM::::::::MM::::::::IM::::::::::mmmIMMMMMMMm,].
...........[IM::::::::IM:::::::IM::::mIMIMM""""....."IMMMM]
...........["IM::::::::IM::::::mIMIMM""]...........,[mM"..."M]
............[IMm:::::::IM::::IIMM"].............,[mMM"]
............["IMMIMIMMIMM::IMM"]........_.,[mMMMMM"]
.............,[IM"....."IMIM".......,mMMMMMMMM"]
...........,[IM........,IMM"......,mMMMMMMMMM"]
..........[IM.......,mIIMM,......mMMMMMMMMMM"]
.........,[M"..,mIMMIMMIMMIMmmmMMMMMMMMMMMM"]
.........[IM.,IMI"""]........"["IIMMMMMMMMMMM]
........[;IMIM"]..............
........""....
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
........ ... ......______..
..............
..............
..............
..............
.............,
............,I
............IM
............IM
............`I
............."
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............
..............