OK well this week is getting complicated... well actually it has been like the past couple weeks!!! Tomorrow will be 2 years since my best guy friend Eric and his Parents died in a house fire aross from where I live... I grew up with Eric and his family and i loved him.. The funny thing is we actually liked eachother before and flirted but didn't really want to risk our GREAT friendship... He was amazing.. It would be me Eric Dave and sometime RJ always together! I was the only girl willing to do the guy thing so i was always with them... Playing tackle football, release,anything we really wanted!!! It was amazing..
   I will always remember the morning i woke up when my mom called me and told me to go downstairs because a family on summit street died in a fire!! This was at 5:30 am and i didn't answer till 5:45 and i ran down stairs and fell to my knee's i remember thinking while i hurried downstairs "please don't let it be eric" i knew it was a chance it was him because he was one of the only family's with parents and a teenaged boy... Well I got to the door it was him.. i screamed and fell... i ran over and my friends dad was the firefighter and he just shook his head.. it was horrible i don't remember not crying.. i cried when i called david...and in the shower....on the way to the bus stop...and reporter stopped me and tried to get answers from me..i cried on the bus, going into school and finally we talked to a councler and i went home like 10minutes into 1st period.. it was the worst day ever.. it took me forever to get over it.. i am still not over it... seeing the empty lot where he used to live still makes me scared and cry..and see flash backs...
       I guess you could say i will NEVER be "OVER" it... i don't know i just need help it is soooo hard and no one understands me :(
  RIP Eric died 2/22/05

doesn't it suck when you like someone...and you don't know what to do.. and you don't know how they will act.. or if you are pushing them away.. I am so frustrated with that.. i really like someone and i don't know whats going to happen... BUT i want it to happen on that person to decided on their terms not mine..