I realize its been a while since I have writen. I've been busy writing a friend who is headed to Iraq in December. It's a scary thought, to think of him being there. Anyways, life's a bitch and then you die. I don't know at this point I'm happy I'm alive yet at the same time I just don't like the people here (conifer) not you guys. Anyways, I'm done for now nothing really to say

I'm finally at peace. For I have no reason to hold anything against anyone. I'm sick. I want to be at peace if that's the way it must be I would rather be surrounded by my peace than by other people. My one wish it that all of my friends and family will understand and let me move on. I speak as though i am dying which i just may be. I do not want to know if i am though, I want to live my life one day at a time. Living as if it could be my last day to live, love, thrive, and be loved. However I have come across a great deal of bumps in the road, one being love. I have not had luck in this area and for now I don't mind keeping it that way for I don't want anyone to become attached if I can suddenly be taken from them. For that is too cruel on his heart.

I hope and pray that my gut is not right but my instincts have never been wrong before. I wish everyone the very best in all areas of their lives, I'm glad my friends have found love again, I am happy for each and everyone of them.

My best wishes go out to everyone. I love you guys, even if its just as friends that is a love that i will forever cherish. I thank you for being here and for being my friends.

love you all

I'm not happy, I want the one that i can't have. I don't think i'll get my truck. Hell i'll be lucky if i even get to go to college. I'm so stressed. I haven't been happy for a long time, I miss the happy days. I want to go back in time to where i was happy. I miss my life, i just want to have the amazing guy back in my life. I don't want to gice up and be the girl everyone expects me to be. I want more. But i can't get more, i've worked my ass off and what have i got to show for it? Nothing

It's been an ok day. Not going to lie. I had meat for the first time in like 2 weeks. I'm happy. However, I am still worried about thursday. For on thursday i get to learn if its ulcers or cancer or what it is. I'm scared.

I'm so sick of being sick. I need no stress yet there is a point where i just can't turn my back. There are certain people that i can't leave and i have no idea why. It's driving me crazy. I'm also scared that i might have cancer. It honestly scares me beyond reason. I am fighter i know that but if i do have cancer i'm already tired of the fight. All i want is for people to take into account how they effect me. Yes, i am a girl(young woman) whatever the hell you want to call it. And yes i do have a mind of my own and i intend to stand up for what i believe in. Yes i will fight with you if i feel like i'm being controled get used to it. I'm done being Little Miss Submissive.

I'm so tired of all the damn drama. Yes i know that i cause most of my own drama but then there are times where i just want to get away from it and yet no. I need no more stress, fear, or anything else.

Being single sucks at times. I'm not going to lie. I do miss having someone to talk to. Then at times i don't miss it at all. I like my freedom, and the not tied down thing, but then again, i wish i had had someone to be there for me when i was in the ER. Honestly is this too much to ask for?

ok don't get me wrong, guys are great but honestly its not women that cause the damn drama. is it a crime to own up to bein the cause of drama?! Seriously half the time we women will own up to it just because we can't stand to hear you bitch about it anymore.

i just don't know. i wish people would just keep their drama to themselfs. I mean honestly i don't want to deal with it anymore