Notebook Entry: #1
Date: 11/29/2008
Time Begin: 1:04AM
Tonight I feel like utter shit. I am fucking tired of my dad. Sometimes I do wish my parents were divorced like many of my other friends' parents are. My dad would never see me again. On another note, I wish I were the kid that never got my hopes up. I wouldn't be hurt so much. There's many nights where I am sad and some of those all I do is cry myself to sleep. I'm starting to be sad 24/7...What's the point of all this? Nothing good lasts forever. It's just common fact. Sad thing is, I make illusions for myself to be happy, but when I find out they're not real and just false beliefs, I break down, virtually lose it, lose myself. Maybe it's better to be in perpetual sadness, than be on the roller coaster and be happy one moment and insane the next. Yeah, maybe it's better to be at stable sadness than the chaotic unknown insanity that I can be driven into. At least then I won't feel the rock bottom insaneness. Like my heart and soul has been ripped out and shredded...Or maybe I'm sick and enjoy that? It's what it seems like. I've done that to myself plenty of times, what with the false beliefs and illusions I create myself all for the sake of a taste of happiness...So why do I still do that? Maybe I won't anymore. Who's to say. I know what I want but it never stays when I get it. So should I pursue it anyways? Is happiness worth getting hurt afterwards? And what about a partner? Are girls worth the trouble? Doesn't seem like it. They all leave me feeling dead when they're done with me. They all leave me. What is wrong with them? What is wrong with Me? Are they worth it? Am I worth them? Are any so as worthy to stay with me til I die? Am I worthy of someone being with me til I die? If yes let me know.
Time End: 1:32 AM
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PULSE OF THE MAGGOTS - SLIPKNOT
This is the year where hope fails you
The test subjects run the experiment
And the bastards you know is the hero you hate
But cohesion is possible if we try
There's no reason, there's no lesson, no time like the present
Tell me right now, what have you got to lose?
What have you got to lose, except your soul?
Who's with us?!
(I fight) for the unconventional
(My right) and its unconditional
(I can only) be as real as I can
The disadvantage is I never knew the plan
(This isn't) just a way to be a martyr
(I can't) walk alone any longer
(I fight) for the ones who can't fight
And if I lose, at least I tried!
(We) We are the new diabolic
(We) We are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life, you can have it
(We) We are the pulse of the maggots
(I won't) be the inconsequentia
(I won't) be the wasted potential
I can make it as severe as I can
Until you realize you'll never take a stand
(It isn't) just a one-sided version
(we've dealt) with the manic subversion
(I won't) let the truth be perverted
And I won't leave another victim deserted
(We) We are the new diabolic
(We) We are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life, you can have it
(We) We are the pulse of the maggots
(Do you understand?) Yes (x4)
Say it again, say it again
(We won't die) (x8)
(We fight) 'til no one can fight us
(We live) and no one can stop us
(We pull) when we're pushed too far
And the advantage is, the bottom line is
(We never) had to fight in the first place
(We only) had to spit back in their face
(We won't) walk alone any longer
What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger
(We) We are the new diabolic
(We) We are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life, you can have it
(We) We are the pulse of the maggots
(Do you understand?) Yes (x4)
Say it again, say it again
(We won't die) (x4)
These slipknot songs are awesome =D
Subject: 50 years should be enough!
Copyright in sound recordings currently lasts for 50 years. An independent review (the "Gowers review") commissioned and endorsed by the UK government says it should remain at 50 years. Yet the recording industry continues to demand that this term be extended. But term extension would be an injustice to European musicians and musical culture, and may harm our economy.
Major record labels want to keep control of sound recordings well beyond the current 50 year term so that they can continue to make marginal profits from the few recordings that are still commercially viable half a century after they were laid down. Yet if the balance of copyright tips in their favour, it will damage the music industry as a whole, and also individual artists, libraries, academics, businesses and the public.
If you agree that copyright term on sound recordings should not be extended past 50 years, please, sign this petition today:
www.soundcopyr
Together, we can defeat copyright term extension.
on this bed i lay
holding back the demon
inside of me...
i tried through all the day
but tonight the barrier is broken...
opening things of the recent past
bleeding out from the wound...
releasing the demons from within
escaping only to return again
i try so hard but then...
it's wrong...
all wrong
all wrong...
crying...slowl
bleeding...sil
cursed...rotte
unworthy...dam
i try oh so hard
but my dreams get smashed
everything i do or say
is never enough, always wrong
i feel that nothing matters
i'm falling, falling
but no one's there to catch me
i'm alone and drowning in my
river of plagues, so cursed
and this dismal feeling is worse
i'm losing my hope
holding on to a thread
and it is unraveling
and i am falling into
the dark abyss of my
ever growing self-destructi
everyone i know, i bring harm
and everything i've tried
it is nothing but wrong
alone i am meant to be
i only make things worse
that's all i've ever done
it was a dream but then
reality hit me
i've lost it all
everything i once knew
is no longer what it seems
don't know what to do
or what to say
don't know who to trust
existence in of itself
is a blessing, but for me
it's never been anything
but a curse
i'm tired of desperation
i'm tired of being tired
i looked in the mirror today
what i saw wasn't me
that's not what i am
it's not who i want to be
it can't be
it'll never be me
i'm losing myself in
all of my thoughts
cause i lost my human side
so long ago
nobody ever knew
my soul is bleeding
feeling the torment
hating the pain
wish it could end
i reap what i sow
all i receive is pain
i'm decaying in this shell
the demons in me have
deserted me.
everyone i thought i knew
they're all leaving me
shutting me out
nobody cares that i'm bleeding
and all i can feel is the sting
i'm worried and i'm crying
i can't go on
living this way
i'm losing my sight
my mind...
wish somebody could say
that i'm alright
this sweet despair
feeding my disease
my river of plagues
over and over it
breaks my heart
but i live on
i pick up the pieces
i repair myself again
like i have so many
times before
time and time again
it makes me want to go away
never to be found
so i can't hurt anyone else
i won't let it happen again
i'll never let it happen again...
Heartbeat
Enshrouded in the darkness
The crimson runs down my face
I look around but find nothingness
Lost in a void of pure darkness
With only a light beaming down upon me
Moving with me everywhere I walk
Words echo into the empty continuum
FALLING! My hair rushes upward
Forever falling in this vast darkness
Calm comes over me, yet I still fall.
Suddenly I stop falling and am standing
A crimson light glows weakly in the blankness
I seemingly glide toward it as a vampire.
Each foot closer a heartbeat grows louder
Louder and louder in my mind it beats
I phase through the portal and find myself
Thud-thud
Thud-thud
Evergrowing is that beat that I hear
In the lushness of this forest I seek it
I run towards the sound that I desire
UMPH! Falling, rolling, tripped down a hill
Slowly I regain footing and I see the source
Thud-thud
Thud-thud
The heartbeat I hear made visible
I see her as she stands in the field
Beauty in mine eyes I have seen
My presence brings her eyes to mine
We approach each other, heartbeats distinct
We tell each other our journey we've done
We both heard each other's heartbeat
The beating of life within one another
Soon we shall know what is to come
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
The Teacher fainted.
Love
Love
Sometimes It's all you want
To be loved
To have some to call yours
Such defiance it can cause
Ignores all logic
Causes irrational behavior
And may end friendships
The emotion it conjures
Makes you feel so good
Like it's the best thing ever
And you never want it to end
Love
Sometimes it's so terrible
You despise it
And end up losing hope
Such brokenness it can cause
Hurt beyond measure
Sometimes it's so bad
Lives end up being killed
It is a double-blade sword
Making compromise and taking risks
Even though it may not last
It is a chance you should take
Nothing compares to it
With it, much happiness arises
Loss of it, great sorrow is wrought
But it is a chance I'm willing to take.
'Lost' Child
You think yourself right,
Yet you avoid me.
Run away at my sight.
What do you see?
Is it strange?
Are you scared?
Feelings beyond your range?
Emotionally Impaired?
Confused?
Feeling used, abused?
Desperately defused
before the love xplosion.
Detatched before
you're overrun with emotion.
You dislike what you don't understand.
You fear what you can't comprehend.
You avoid what is no longer known.
Suppress your conflicting thoughts
and emotions.
Hide them and forget them.
They'll only affect you later on.
The subcounscious will catch up
to you.
"Nice guys finish last."
To every guy that regrets hurting or losing her.
To every guy who knows which girl he wants.
To every guy that's said, "Sex can wait."
To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful." (instead of Damn ur hot!)
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town (or across the state) to see her.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.
To every guy that gave his heart.
To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.
Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore... And because of this, there are not many left out there...
If you are a nice guy repost this with "Nice guys finish last."
If you are a girl that thinks every guy should try to acomplish even a few of these repost this with: "To the nice guys left"