[L'il Porkchop]'s diary

130754  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2010-10-29
Written: (3534 days ago)
Next in thread: 130767

That's cool. Its not like I like you or anything. Go ahead and tell me all about her. Tell me what she does to you and how you like having friends with benefits. Tell me all the drugs you do, and what makes you feel the best. Let me tell you about my mom who had to go to the hospital and then you can tell me about getting your "dick wet" and how she lives in Paxton and how I'll bet she's prettier than me. I doubt she's smarter than me. But I'll bet she's prettier than me, and I'll bet maybe she doesn't have horrible lop-sided curves like me and how she probably fucks anything that moves. That's cool. Its not like I like you or anything. Its not like I wish you were my boyfriend or anything. Not like that at all. I'll just stay up late and watch cartoons and play video games. I'll pretend I hadn't tried to invite you over to watch cartoons and play dumb games.

Its not like I liked you or anything.

127989  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2010-02-20
Written: (3784 days ago)

It wasn't very dark outside. Sigmund Reux sat brooding near a library, hungry. His hair was slightly damp from the recent drizzle of rain. He could feel his eyes burning from his lack of blinking, but he didn't care. It wouldn't kill him. His eyes would not turn red. His face would not change. Sigmund sometimes liked to chew on his own tongue when he was angry and hungry. Would he stay that way? Stay hungry? It would make him feel alive,but he was so hungry. He strummed his fingers against the concrete and distantly he could hear a dog barking. Silence. His hair fell into his eyes as he deftly moved his back against the little cleft he was sitting upon. His hands were numb, he realized. He almost smirked, reminding himself that his hands were always numb, which sent his thoughts to a darker place.
Down the street the barking dog let out what sounded like a scream or screech. Sigmund's eyes flicked over in the general direction. People around him on the busy streets heard nothing. Their hearing wasn't like his. Would he smile at this? A dog screeching? Perhaps if he were in a better mindset he would have laughed and mumbled "That's what you get.", but right now, it gave him the strange feeling that something was coming. He grimanced as he bit his tongue too hard, and a slight discomfort went to his brain, gently asking him to stop. He snorted, tempted to bite harder. People on the street kept walking, continuing their eternal strugg;le or getting from point A to point B, and Sigmund looked in the general direction of where he felt something was going to happen.
He bit down again on his tongue, uneasy. It felt like sandpaper, and he could feel the low rumble of chemicals inside him, asking, begging for sustenance. His eyes flicked to the people on the street, and suddenly he felt as if everything were in black and white, except for himself, and the agonizing smell of death that tickled his stomach. Someone was bleeding.
Sigmund almost shrank back against the landing, except he saw, down the street a taller man, with fingers bloody and his mouth was closed tight, but it had what appeared to be a crimson milk mustache, and Sigmund glared angrily at the man. He wasn't a man, exactly, Sigmund remembered. He was an old acquaintance, and the last time Sigmund had seen him, the man was burning down his home, while his insides burned on their own. Sigmund's stomach cried out for revenge, and his eyes almost turned black with his mood. People around him seems to be moving in slow motion, and he dare not get up to approach his enemy. Gerard Zax slowly approached Sigmund. He had seen him there, and he almost grinned out of spite. A dead dog wouldn't be very much, but it was enough. The dog, a great Dane, had run at him from his master. Gerard didn't need any other reason, and the dog's master made the meal. He didn't usually kill people off the street, or really people, but he was in a darker mood. Sigmund sitting on the landing had thrown him off guard.

127360  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-01-20
Written: (3816 days ago)
Next in thread: 127361

Sigmund is a handsome name; so it fits me and my perfect face. It's really a beautiful face,mine. It's sharp and my eyes are set just where my hair ends. Perfection. I have artfully sculpted eyebrows that darken my eyes and I'm taller than most, skinny, but not a wimp. I have beautiful hair that's short and messy,but in a pinch it can be slicked back and orderly again, and with a skin pigment of pale,I am often referred to as sexually attractive. In health, I was sought after by the opposite sex,almost unintentionally. In death, I am just as attractive as I was in health, more if I may be so bold.
  Addictions shan't be mentioned around me. Tobacco and blood can't surely be addictions,when I can make both look so good. It doesn't matter anyways; neither can be quit. I have one of those round but pointed perfect faces that just makes it hard to be angry at me. It's easy to hate something that's perfect,that others can't compare to. But alas, I'm not changing for anyone. I'd never admit this aloud,to anyone but myself that sometimes I feel like a monster. A killer. It's a lie,but I'd like to say it doesn't bother me,death. Blood is what I need.
  I'm sluggish when I'm hungry,and when I'm sluggish I sound like I'm ugly, a horrible thought indeed! I sometimes sleep or feed these feelings off. In a dark little chamber in my abode there sits sheets of violin music,an over-flowing ashtray and a wooden box. My box is black,and on the inside there is red satin lining. It smells of clovers and lemon,with the foggy musk of cigarettes...This is where I was laid to rest all those fucking years ago, but rest I do not. My abode is more or less a mosoleum,half being underground,half being above ground, looking like a house,it's style that of an abandoned house. Inside it's a little dusty, scattered music sheets around. A fireplace is near my chambers, often used. I like to be cold,but I like to feel warmth.
 I don't have many comforts that others would see neccessary for life. Food I buy sometimes, but I mostly stick to my anguished hungers....I do kill people. I kill for food. I'll kill for sport. It's a terrible cycle..But like I said,I would never admit aloud,or to anyone but myself that sometimes I feel like a monster. I can't be a monster,I tell myself. I'm too beautiful. I'm too lovely,too perfect. Monsters cannot achieve perfection, that which I am. Fuck them. I'm not a monster. They kill animals for food. So do I in a sense.
I don't don too many different apparels. I like suits and ties,they make me look attractive and important,which I am.
 It's easy to kill. Victims are easy to come by,thus they are easy to kill. A snap of bone, a bleeding wrist... Easy. I tend to look for victims who appear the same. Girls who look like a barbie doll. A paper cut out. It's less guilt-inducing. I find their pleas hilarious. Promises of money,credit..comforts and sex. What good would any of these things do for me? Yes,sex is nice,but I only like it when I'm feeling low and emotional,when I actually care about something. But that's neither here or there.
 I play the violin, using my hands and my chin and my shoulders, it is an escape for me. I'll sometimes perform on the streets. Stand and play, with an tiny open coffin for any form of money. I've found candy in that little thing,sadly. Candy is dandy but liquer is quicker unfortunately for me.
 I must sound more like a pirate than a vampire. Candy and liqueur,smoking and such. Maybe.
 Strawberry is my favorite flavor of anything. Not necessarily anyone. Usually people don't have flavors. You are what you eat,or drink, and on occasion I have accidentally gotten drunk.Maybe on purpose. Straight liquer is sort of gross.
  Sometimes if someone has left me candy, I'll eat it. It's sort of like a cough drop, but less coughy,more dead. Like...dead people candy. But that sounds childish. I liked chocolate when I was alive,and still like the smell.

Eh. Sort of something I've been working on. Comments?
126639  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-12-12
Written: (3854 days ago)
Next in thread: 126651

1. Name, please.
Holly Lynn Tata

2. Approximate Age?
14 or(15 February the third 2010)

3. Are you happy in your life?
Not really sometimes.

4. Do you feel like anything is missing? If so, what do you want?
Um...I'm sort of looking for my other half,I guess.

5. Do you plan on being a musician/artist/writer?
Anything that pays the bills,I suppose.

6. Do you think you are artistic?
I'd hope so. I draw on anything.

7. Have you ever tried hard drugs?
Hardest thing I ever took was for anti anxiety.

8. If so, have they changed your life?
Um..They calm me down but make me loopy,too.

9. What age would you like to die?
Not right now,but young,I suppose.

10. Would you let your kids smoke weed?
Fuck that.

11. Are you an angry person?
It really depends,if I don't like things or people,I tell them to stay away from me before I decide I wish to kick them in the face.

12. Do you laugh a lot, but don’t really mean it?
Um..It really depends,sometimes I try to laugh,but mostly I laugh on my own.

13. Do you like to think you are popular?
Haa,you're a funnyface.

14. Describe your most terrifying dream.
I was kidnapped and murdered by vampires in my best friend's backyard.

15. What band would you die to see live?
The Pillows

16. How would you like to die?
Hm...Either frozen or in my sleep...

17. What’s your opinion on self-mutilation?
It may be a slight bit cliche,but I'd rather hurt on the outside than the inside.

18. Do you believe in capitalism?
No,i believe in punctuation,thank you. :]

19. Communism?
Has anybody seen kyle? Has anybody seen kyle? He's about yay high!-hitler salute- Lol, no,i don't.

20. Libertarianism?
Isn't that a disease?

21. Would you rather be an anarchist or a socialite?
I'd rather be an eccentric soul.

22. Freedom of speech or controlled society?
Well,if I didn't have freedom of speech,I wouldn't be able to say this: Fuck you. :]

23. Obama or Bush?

24. Would you consider yourself intelligent?
Emotionally and personally,I'm a genius. But at maths and science I sort of lack. But I'd rather be deeply smart than being able to calculate things.

25. When was the last time you cried?
Um..Thursday,I came home,bawled my eyes out for seven hours, downed tylenol PM and went to bed. Then I woke up at 3 AM and did it all over again.

26. When was the last time you laughed?

27. Who is your last text from?
This kid I love.<3

28. What did it say?
Nonya. <3

29. Ever had your ass kicked?
Yup,only becuase I stated that my brother had a small weenie.

30. What’s your middle name?
Lynn-my grandma's name.

31. Single or taken?
Terminally single,or so it seems.

32. If taken, do you love this person?

33. If single, what are you looking for in someone?
Just someone who...completes me...Makes me happy...I don't know. Stupid girly things that you think will make you happy but then you find out it's probably just as shitty as being single. Oh well. I still want it.

34. Sex or love?
Well,if I can't find love then I would enjoy some form of sex,but I'd rather love.

35. Who is your best friend?
Brooke..Suemya..Ashley...Other Ashley...Alex M...Brittany...
36. Why is this person your best friend?
Because they don't look at me like I'm an alien...

37. Are you moody?

38. Are you depressed?

39. What do you think of abortion?
Pros and cons,I suppose.

40. Are you in a good mood today?

41. If not, why are you not?
Anxiety attacks. You don't call them anxiety attacks for lack of a better word,they LITERALLY attack you.

42. Are you afraid of the swine flu?
Not really.

43. Are you afraid to be yourself?
If I could find myself,nope.

44. What would you label yourself?
Indie,I suppose.

45. Do you live with your parents?
Who else?

46. How many siblings do you have?
A twin brother.

47. Do you wear skinny jeans?

48. Are you emo?
Fuck you,since when am I not allowed to have complex emotions?

49. Are you aware that all emo kids look exactly the same?
Are you aware that your questions are increasingly aggravating?

50.Are you a hater?
I'm a lover.

51. Are you anti-rasict?
(Yes I am)

52. Explain your personality in 3 words.
It's a mystery.

53. What do you wish your name was?
Holly seems to work.

54. How old do you want to be when you get married?
Older than I am now.

55. What do you want to name your kids?
Roxas, Theodore, Fred,Luna, Strawberry..Eh..List goes on.

56. What kind of hairstyle do you want?
I wish my hair were longer so i could put it in a pony tail again.

57. When was the last time you brushed your teeth?
This morning in the shower.

58. What are you wearing right now?
Skinny jeans,Invader Zim shirt and a hoodie.

59. Say something random.

60. What do you wear to bed?
Usually a big shirt and my panties.

61. What color is your underwear?
Pink. :3

62. Am I getting too personal?
A little.

63. What’s your view on nihilism?
Didn't John Lennon write a song about that?

64. Pacifism?
I enjoy passive-aggressive notes.

65. Do you think the drug culture is misunderstood?
Not really. I imagine it to be a lot like Alice In Wonderland which,up until I was about 12 scared the shit out of me.

66. Are you a fan of Hunter S Thompson?

67. Do you read literature?

68. Do you love horror movies?
Oh yes.

69. What’s your favourite one?
Dead Alive or Cloverfield

70. Do you like comedies?

71. Are you a smoker?
Nope,I'm athsmatic.:3

72. Do you smoke cigars/cigarillos?

73. Do you have anger problems?
No,I have emotional problems,though.

74. Do you know someone who has a mental illness?

75. Have you had someone close to you die of cancer?

76. What do you want to be next Halloween?
Sweeney Todd

77. What grade are you in?

78. When do you graduate?
2013,I'll be damned if 2012 is true.

79. Do you talk to yourself?
In my head,yes.

80. What color are your toenails?
I have none.

81. Has anyone ever told you you have a nice smile?
Nope,they've told me I have an underbite.

82. Nice eyes?
Not really.

83. Ever broken a bone?
Not really.

84. Got a black eye?
If you could see under by eyeliner,then maybe.

85. Nose bleed?
I get those a lot.

86. Ever been so mad you cried?
Oh yes.
87. What’s your favourite quote?
Music is what feelings sound like.

88. Are you listening to anything right now?
3 Weeks,She Sleeps by Blue October

89. What are you addicted too?

90. Do you like silver hair?

91. Would you ever fight a famous boxer?
I would like to keep my ears attached,thank you.

92. Could you take on kimbo slice?
Kimbo? What the fuck? Pimp or drug dealer?

93.Can you even fist fight?

94. Do you work out?
I do cardio..

95. Are you in good physical condition?
I jiggle. Nope.

96. Do you get creeped out by puppets?
After a while,yes.

97. If you could be any celebrity by one day, who would you be?
Robert Pattinson,I would jump off a cliff for him. :3

98. Do you have any phobias?

99. Ever been mauled by a wild animal?
My dog?

100. Do you think you could be a Suicide Girl?
Um..What is that?

101. What about a playboy bunni?
I don't think so.

102. Are you an insomniac?

103. Do you take birth control?

104. Are these questions pointless?
Kind of.

105. Favourite color?
The whole spectrum. <3

126356  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-11-24
Written: (3873 days ago)

Grounded from computer till further notice. Hiatus. Fuck my life.

125895  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-10-26
Written: (3901 days ago)
Next in thread: 125914

I'm worth $1,155,330 on humansforsale.com
Anybody wanna buy me?

125380  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-09-14
Written: (3943 days ago)

What's weird?
I feel sad.
Good news: I don't think it's an anxiety attack...
Bad: It probably is.
What else is weird?
I don't really care anymore. I'm sick of being sad. I just..don't know how to be happy. I wish I could find someone outside my computer to talk to..Just..to hug..I'm stuck typing everything to people,and I'm sick of it. A relationship can't be based on text all the fucking time. On the phone? Not really...It makes me feel like such a loser sometimes...
 My face is breaking out...My hair is really annoying...I'm just..run down...I'm sad. I'm sick. But I don't care...And I feel like I should..But I really don't anymore. It just...doesn't matter.

125170  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-09-03
Written: (3955 days ago)
Next in thread: 125174

My new goal is to find five things I like about myself,at least every other day. A good friend of mine says it'll help boost my confidence.:3
1.I'm not a clone,nor will I ever be.
2.I'm not short,I'm fun-sized.
3.My eyes are pretty.
4.It's not rape if I hug you randomly,or poke you often. It's surprise Hollysex.
5.2 out of 1 Hollys can't do math.

 The logged in version 

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