[phycho games]'s diary
(little pink bunny)
(i love tweety pie)
(this pic is so cute)
Who I Am
Who am I? You'll never guess. I am a secret
with many lies to tell. I speak most truth
but you'll never know. I am so far from you
yet you're standing right there. You have
taken my heart and I want it back. Because
you haveing it is just causing me pain. You
take it to break it and it's all just a
game. Yet my nights are filled with trears
and trying to do whats right. My life is
hard and you make it harder yet you also
give me reason to live it. So there is no
telling on what will come next. You have
broken my heart and given me breath.
EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU (Bryan Adams) THIS IS THE SONG I SANG AT KARL'S FUNERAL-i love and miss you babe, i hope your happy:(
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
Roses are dead
Violets are too
Im still in love but not with you
You thought you hurt me
And made me cry
But I was in love with another guy
Simply because you have no class
All you can do is kiss my ass
You sit around and talk your shit
So fuck you and your little ass dick
You thought you left me, but I left you
What my man is doing, you can t do
You tell your mates you played me like a bitch
And I tell mine you have a little dick
You said you loved me but it wasn’t true
Well guess what mother fucker
I played you too....
(this is about graham barrass)
On tha fone]
Boy: baby we need to talk
Girl: ricardo, wat do u mean?
Boy: sumthin has come up...
Girl: wat? Wuts wrong? Is it bad?
Boy: i dont want to hurt u baby
Girl: *thinks* omg i hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much
Boy: baby are you there??
Girl: yea im here wut is so important??
Boy: im not sure if i should say
Girl: well u already brought it up, so please just tell me.
Boy: im leaving....
Girl: baby wut are u talking about?? I dont want u to leave me, i love you
Boy: not like that, i mean im moving far away
Girl: why? All of ur famliy lives over here.
Boy: well my father is sending me away to a boarding skool far away.
Girl: i cant believe this.
[FATHER: (picks up tha other fone, interrupts & yells furiously) ERiKA, wat did i tell you about talking to boys?!!!!!....Get off the damn fone!! (And hangs up)]
Boy: wow ur father sounds really mad
Girl: u know how he gets, but anywayz i dont want you to go
Boy: would you run away with me?
Girl: baby, u know i would, i would do anything for u, but i cant... U dont know wut would happen if i did. My dad would kill me !!
Boy: *sad* its ok i understand i guess..
Girl: *thinking* i cant believe wuts going on
Boy: i need to give u sumthing 2nite b/c i am leaving on flight 1-80 in tha morning, so i need to see you now.
Girl: ok i will sneak out & meet u at tha park
Boy: ok ill meet u there in 20min
[They meet at a nearby park, they both hug eachother. And he gives her a note.]
Boy: here u go, this is for you i gotta go.
Girl: ****tear (begins to cry)
Boy: baby dont cry, u know i love you...but i have 2 go
Girl: ok (begins to walk away)
[They both go back home. And erika begins to read tha letter her gave her]
It says.....
Erika,
U probably already know that im leaving, i knew this would be better if i wrote a letter explaining tha truth about how much i care about you. The truth is, is that i never loved you, i hated you so much, u are my bitch and dont u ever forget that. I never cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you, n be around u. U really have no clue how much i hate you. Now that im leaving i thought u should know that i hate you bitch, u never did tha right thing, and u were never there. I didnt think i could hate someone as much as i hate you. And i never want to see you, for the rest of my life, i will never miss kissing you like before, i never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and thats a promise. U never had my love, and i want you to remember that. Bitch u keep this letter bcuz this may be tha last thing u have from me. Fuck, I hate you so much. i will not talk to you soon bitch.... Goodbye
- Ricardo
[ erika begins to cry, she throws tha paper in tha garbage & crys for hours ]
....A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so lonely.... Then she gets a fone call....
Friend: how are u feeling?
Girl: i just cant believe this happend i thought he loved me.
Friend: o, about that. Ricardo left me a msg. A few days ago. He told me to tell u to look in ur jacket pocket or something...
Girl: ummm ok
[She finds a piece of paper in tha jacket,
It says.
Baby i hope u find this before u read my letter. I knew ur dad might read it, so i switched a few words...
Hate = Love
Never = Alwayz
Bitch = Baby
Will not= will
........ I hope u didnt take that seriously because i love you with all my heart, and it was so hard to let you go thats y i wanted u to run away with me...
-Ricardo]
Girl: omg its a letter, Ricardo does love me!!, he must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I cant believe how stupid I am!!
Friend: lol ok but i g2g... Call me later
Girl: *happy*ok bye, i'll be at home waiting for my baby to call me !!
...... Erika turns tha T.V. on......
[Breaking news] "An airplane has crashed. Over 47 young boys died, we are still searching for Survivors...Th
[ she turns off the tv....3 days later, she kills herself, because of tha fact that Ricardo was dead & she had nothing to Live for... ]
....A day after that the fone rings. Nobody answers. It was Ricardo, he called to leave a msg. "Its Ricardo, i guess ur not home so, I called 2 let u know that im alive, i missed my flight b/c i had 2 see u one last time. So i hope ur not worried. I am staying for good. Sorry if u got scared, i promise 2 make it up 2 ueverything will be a be ok i love you so much...call me asap bye!!
[...he eventually finds out wut happend, and also kills himself...]
If you think this story is sad, then RE-POST!!!
...Sumtimes ppl lose tha one they love, make sure u tell that special sum1 that u love them. Or sumthing bad could happen
Things u should NVR say 2 a cop....
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Hey!!!! aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. Oh GOD!!! you're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. What the fuck?! I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyeslook glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
13."Officer I wasn't speeding...I was qualifying for NASCAR."
i dont know wat to fucking do anymore! when everything seems to be going ok it all fucks up! i hate the fact that i love someone very special to me and he acts like he loves me but then he puts up stuff on his page about loving other girls and shit, i dont know where i stand anymore! how can i believe him when he says he loves me when hes got all this crap on his page? and wats even worse is that no-one gives a fuck, they just expect me to deal with it! im starting to think that karl is better where he is! and i should join him!
i got beaten up by someone i trusted and know im gonna have to take them to court but its gonna be so hard coz i still care about him....even though he broke my nose, gave me two black eyes, a fractured rib and so many bruises on my arms that it looks like they were painted black and blue!
i mite be pregnant with his baby so thats gonna be even harder to deal with if i am!
i dont know wat to do anymore, graham is't talking to me, but when he is its just a hi or ok! the one person that i thought wud never hurt me has.....i have to go and drink some vodka now so i can try and forget about all this fucked up shit, you mite see me again or mayebe not...if not then bye and good-luck in the futurexx
today i gave in....but the people i know thibk im doing ot for attention! you only have to read this fucking diary to see that i dont...i want everyone to leave me alone but they cant, they have to cause shit for me....
it would of been karl's birthday today...and i keep thinking about what we would of been doing:( *cries*
well i still miss karl like mad, ive so badly want to ring him up and tell him how i am! but i cant...but in sum weird fucking way i know hes looking down on me and looking out for me(like my guardian angel!
apart from that i went out clubbing last nite and i got my drink spiked so i ended up in hospital, but my so called mate thinks i faked having an ashma ataack!!!! fucking wanker!!!
why the fuck does everything fuck up when it's finnaly looks like it might be ok?
Missing: </huge>im so confused at the moment...its getting harder and harder to resist...all i get every day is shit...the only thing i looked forward to is seeing graham but that cant happen anymore, coz hes gone:(
*cries* i just wish there was something i could do to make him stay with me....and to make all the horrible memories go away...help me sumone
this was on somenons page, its exactly how i feel....
Play with me
Polish me, dress me up
Then slap me around,
Cast me aside when you get bored...
There will always be new toys.
But when you get bored,
I'll be here
I'm just a toy...
DARKNESS
darkenss surrounds me; pain is all i feel
like im drowning in this air i breathe, is any of it real?
emotions overcome me; i cut but dont feel the pain
the storm of my life; my tears are the rain
people all around me; hurrying to pass me by
while im stuck in this moment slowlt waiting to die
the ones i love seem to always go away
its just not fair, why do they leave and i stay?
lifes full of joy and happiness or so they say
no-one ever wants to talk about the corruption and the pain
if the world is so perfect then why do i want to leave?
if everything is expected than why do i cover my arms with sleeves?
does it scare you to see the marks on my fears when you see these cuts do you realise my tears
i stand in a crowded room and yet i stand alone
i live in a house and yet it ist a home
no-one could feel the wat i do
i loved you so much
look what you do!
the thought of your touch
the vision of your smile
it drives me to do this it drives me wild
just say those words that you love me again
i'll put down the blade and never cut again
i want to be away from reality and the cruelty
i see my loved ones that have passed me by, it has come to this
for your love
i died
where do i start?
recently ive moved to newcastle, away from my friends and family and my baby (you know who you are :p)
i thought if i moved away i would get better but im not...i cut my arms again which is really stupid i know, but i had no-one to talk to..i thought if i moved away it would help me get over someone but it hasn't i just miss him even more :( im about to cry right now so i'll go..
I get a funny feeling,
it comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.
My doctor calls it depression,
my dad says it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.
Some say I'm psycho,
some say I'm just weird.
It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just disappeared.
I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
followed by feeling sad.
I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
it will some day.
Why do I smile at the sound of your voice?
Why do I let you take over me as if I had no choice?
Why do I let you touch me in places never touched?
Why do I like to have you around so much?
Why do I melt at the tenderness of your kiss?
Why do I feel like I could live forever like this?
Why do I put my heart in your hands?
Why do I answer to your every demand?
Why do I tell you leaving me is not your wrong?
Why do I let you know with out you I'm not quite as strong?
Why do I take you back even though I know it's not right?
Why do I feel like I should please you by not putting up a fight?
Why do I care about you even though you hurt me?
Why do I turn my head from what's plain reality?
Why do I try to hide from what is true?
Why do I still have these feelings for you?