[itweetinHEELS] gave us this one... It's fantastic. =D Thamk you for your entry. ;)


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he
said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE
BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be
CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn
them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't
forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving.'

[~foxy~] gave us this joke. Thanks!


The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

This one is courtesy of [Serena].

A young man wished to buy a pair of gloves for his sweetheart's birthday. So he went to an expensive boutique, bought the finest gloves available, and asked the saleswoman to have them delivered with a note. While wrapping the gloves; the clerk accidentally mixed up the order and sent a pair of panties instead. Here is the note the young man wrote to his sweetheart.


Darling,

I choose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I could have chosen the long one with buttons, but because your sister wears the short ones that are so easy to remove, I decided to get the same style for you. 

Although these are a delicate shade, the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on for me and she really looked smart.

I wish I could be there to put them on for you for the first time. No doubt, many other hands will touch them before I see you again. 

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. And be sure to keep them on while cleaning them so they don't shrink.

Just think how many times, I will kiss them during the coming year! I hope you like them and will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love, Hollingsworth.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing. 

Submitted by [*ArmyGirl*]:


A woman was at the doctor getting her yearly check up when the doctor asked her if there anything else he could do for her. She replied " Well...there is one thing. Lately my husband hasn't wanted to have sex with me."

The doctor gave her a bottle of pills and told her "Put one of these in your husband's coffee in the morning and you will have sex that night."

So the next morning she pops one of the pills in her husbands coffee and that night they had fantastic sex! The woman thought to herself "That was the best sex I have ever had in my life! I wonder what would happen if i put the whole bottle in there?"

A day later the Doctor called to see how they were doing and the woman's son answered the phone. "Oh Hello Billy, can I speak to your mother?"
"No"
"Well can I speak to your father Billy?"
"No"
"Well whats going on over there?"
"Well Doctor, Mommy is laying in the floor passed out, the dog won't come out of the corner and Daddy is running around outside yelling "Here kitty kitty. Heeere kitty kitty."