Imagine glass breaking. Envision how thin the sheet of glass would be, how cracks would bloom across the surface, deepening and reaching all the way through until every inch is penetrated. For a while the glass would dull, become cloudy, hovering on the brink of shattering. I am that glass. One day, I will take a deep breath, and shatter. Holding my breath is so hard...shatter
I sit here, and I don't talk to anyone, so no one sees. No one hears, no one knows. They don't see the distress in my mind, they don't hear my heart skipping beats, breaking, they don't know I don't see at all, and the world is black. There's no point to this suffering, so why go through with it? There's no point in this misery. But it's all that I am, so, I am...pointless
The pain has dulled some, since the actual breaking is over, but it's still so fresh...
Blue Skies ( 1946 version )
Blue skies, smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see
Blue birds singin' a song
Nothin' but blue birds all day long!
Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
Never saw things goin' so right
Noticin' the days hurryin' by
When you're in love, my, my how they fly!
Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on!
< instrumental break >
Nothin' but blue skies from now on!
< instrumental break >
Nothin' but blue birds all day long!
Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
Never saw things goin' so right
Noticin' the days hurryin' by
When you're in love, my, my how they fly!
Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on!
< instrumental break >
Nothin' but blue skies from now on!
Is to love to yearn?
I have felt that before
Is to love to need?
I have needed before
And yet here I am, alone in my wilderness
Will no one ever come to truly love me?
I believe I've been tamed by the Little Prince, and even by the Pilot also. I just reread the book for the first time in almost five years and oh....*sigh* It's such a lovely book. Tomorrow, if I feel like it, I'll return with the book and share some of the quotes, none of the least of which are a few of my favorites...:
"One day I saw the sun set forty-four times!" And a little later you added, "You know, when you're feeling very sad sunsets are wonderful.."
"On the day of the forty-four times, were you feeling very sad?"
But the little prince didn't answer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You risk tears if you let yourself be tamed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's the same as for the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, then it's good, at night, to look up at the sky. All the stars are blossoming."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone is consoled eventually.
Hic incepit pestis "Here begins the plague"
Blue October- X Amount of Words
Relapse
Prevent trigger intent
Now drown
High strung
Say X amount of words
You're solar, bipolar
Panic disorder
Seems harder and harder and harder
Still you try to control it
You mold, you mold
Yeah you shape to mold
Oh you're bold you're bold
But your shape is bold
You're a symptom superficial
To what they call knowing you
Minus the speed,
Could you imagine the phobia?
Your brain is faulty wiring
the reason for tiring
Keep treating the curse,
Imagine the worst
Systematic, sympathetic
Quite pathetic, apologetic, paramedic
Your heart is prosthetic
A plate of quite peculiar
On a dish of my own
A tablespoon of feather
tickle me to the bone
Give me recipes for happy
with the chemicals gone
Drinking freedom from a bottle
to the tune of belong
I'm sick of shaking
never waking
from the hell I achieve
I never knew you till you left me
with the crying disease
Another curing, reassuring
way to buckle the knees
So mistreated, I repeated
Never blessing your sneeze
Now deleted and defeated
I will stand on my own
Yeah your memory that punches me
has broken the bone
Give me recipes for sorry
I'm admitting I'm wrong
Still your memory that punches me
has broken the bone
I hate who I am
I hate myself
Why can't you?
I'll save it all for nightfall
the tears, the pain, the hurt
You walked out that door and you took it all
leaving me wondering what I'm worth
If I could write music, blood would be my ink
If I could write poetry I'd try not to think
This song, is for you dear mother
Because this hurt right now is like no other
And I'm mourning you, and you're not dead
and it's wrong that it's like this instead
More angry red glaring up from pale flesh
more blood...this time, with a scent almost edible.
Bigger risks now, for bigger injuries
And yes, she was worth it
So I've found a way to solve world peace. I've figured out that the entire human race would be at peace with one another, if only a bunch of aliens came and attacked us. Then we'd ban together and fight as one, and it'd be us against them and there'd be no more of this racial, political turmoil that we see now. I hear some people believe that we've communicated with aliens before, in ancient times, and if you translate the messages that they leave in the sand it's a reply to one we sent out. Which led me to this idea...
Interstellar Messaging! as provided by your local Yahoo carrier.
Us: (3 thousand years ago) Hey, what's up? ASL? I'm 14/f/Fl
Them:(3 thousand years later, which is about now) Oh. Sorry, AFK. I'm 15/m/Mars. What's Florida like?
years go by...and we never respond...
Them: BUZZ! Are you there? Hello? BUZZ!
more time passes...
Them: Hellooooo is anybody out there? Want to cyber? hehe.
A century flies by...
Them: That's it! You're being rude! Now I'm going to put you on ignore and tell all my friends to block you! *chain messages his friends that if you want to be cool, don't talk to the Earthlings. Immediately everyone puts them on the ignore list*
Us:...What's going on? Hello? Anyone? *sees their message* Crap.
a few more years later...
Us: *has changed screen names to Omicrons* Hey, what's up? We're from Omicron perceide 8, how ya doin'?
Them: Hey, what's up? This noobie called Earthlings is way uncool, put her on your blocked list.
Us: WTF?! That's way uncool, man. I mean, what did we do?
Them: What? Oh crap! *blocks*
Us: The user you are talking to has blocked you....crap
Us: Now what?
Earthlings 2: Now we go download some alien porn and jackoff in their faces.
The End. XD
*sigh* Another loss. I hate myself for the things I so easily let go. My reluctance, why can't I for once just have something and enjoy it? I'm too easily influenced, and by influenced I mean hurt, by myself...my peers...my everything. Technically, I should be insane right now. I do hate myself...like nothing else on this earth, Why can't people see that? See that and stay away, before they've gotten close enough to cut me with their contact. I do after all have very fragile skin. I wish someone would save me from myself but I'm afraid to let anyone near enough for that. I hurt, and there's nothing your absence will eer do to cure it.
Sometimes I feel that you are laughing at me
Sometimes I fear you laugh sadly
Is every breath you draw for me?
Master or slave, which would you be?
I think the time is coming...that I shall slowly detach myself from the internet. I don't know that I belong here anymore, or that I'm even wanted. Now if only I could find the courage...
Don't ask of me
What you do not know
Don't ask of me
So unaware
To reveal my secrets
one by one
til you're finished and
I've come undone
Don't ask of me
and well beware
You don't know my darkness
Or what's hidden there
I'll never meet my match, a mirror to mirror reflection.
My heart is there but it beats so slow it gives off no detection.
Fine, then dig in your hands as deep as you please
But don't blame me when you finally learn that I'm naught but dust upon the breeze
Alice Cooper
This House Is Haunted
I was sitting in my room, dark and gray and crying
Someone in my life I fear was at the point of dying
A cold wind blew right up my spine, it was the break of dawn
A little voice went deep inside told me she was gone
Oh...This house is haunted
Oh...That's how I want it to be
Oh...This house is haunted
You can always stay here with me...
No more singing, no more laughing, no more sunny days
She left and took the colors with her, buried in her grave
This is where we climbed the tower, this is where she fell
Then when her young heart stopped beating, I went to hell
Oh...This house is haunted
Oh...Ha....
Oh...This house is haunted
Ho...Oh...
You float through the living room, I watch my TV
I feel you sit down on the couch right here next to me
Then I feel your lips touch mine just like we used to do
I'm so happy all alone being here with you...
I love my family. One day me and my younger brother and sisters were sitting around just giggling about how the bubbles woul pop on the sofa and how pretty they looked in the sunlight, like glittering explosions and for some reason we all found it funny when my dad walks in, sees us, shakes his head smiling and heads to his room. My sister follows him and comes back saying "Daddy says we're all fat special children." And I automatically say "No, we're especially fat children" and we all laugh at that. Then I go into his room and he's about to leave and I say "Where you going" and he says "I'm running away from you guys" and so I say "Fine, but we're coming with you." and then we laughed at that. The afternoon proceeded like that all through getting into the car (we had to go around to get Jenna) the car dealership, and then me getting two teeth pulled out. A family that can keep you laughing through all that is surely worth something, no?
"Dance, Dance"
She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
"A joke of a romantic" or stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's "it can't get much worse"
Vs. "no one should ever feel like.."
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
You always fold just before you're found out
Drink up its last call
Last resort
But only the first mistake and I...
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by
Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress, love
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress (mattress, mattress)
I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance this is the way they'd love (way they'd love)
Dance this is the way they'd love (way they'd love)
Dance this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance