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Page name: the shadow elemental [Exported view] [RSS]
2010-07-17 05:23:48
Last author: GlassCasket
Owner: GlassCasket
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The Shadow Elemental


Tal Rocke and his squad of scouts slowly moved between the great white trees of the gardinshian forest. He and his scouting party had descended from the mountain top palace of Hindershire in order to pursue a group of infiltrators who had stolen the castle’s most ancient and powerful device, the Carin stone. The tall slightly luminescent white trees of the Gardinshian forest loomed over the small group as if to intimidate the pure elementals. Tal observed his company. 

Groglack-Bur-Zog, the seven foot tall half-orc was at his back. It was odd for anyone to see a half-orc water elemental. He was wearing his hooded blue robe and his burning red belt signifying that he was a minor in fire. Groglack was also carrying an enchanted war hammer capable of breaking down any wall. Tal then looked to Tomi who was just behind Groglack. Tomi was a master thief and was extremely stealthy as well. They were odd traits for a dwarf but they served him well. Even more odd was the fact that he was an earth elemental, you almost never see stealth-trained individuals who are compatible with the roaring and powerful Earth. 

Behind Tomi was Vladimir, a Sinakla. He looked human enough but his skin was covered in slick scales and his forked tongue flicked out ever now and then to taste the air. Tal had never trusted him. He had too much experience with too many Sinkalai to trust them. Vladimir was a fire elemental with lightning as a minor. Then Tal looked up above him. 

Alceme was hanging from a tree. She flipped over backwards and dropped down next to Tal. That was a dangerous move for anyone, except her. She was Elven in descent and very good with her element, wind. It was very compatible with her elven agility and speed. Her bow could hit any target she aimed it to. It was as if she and her bow were connected mentally somehow. Tal was all around good at any element he wanted but when he used lightning, he was impossible to stop. Whenever Tal used his favored element it was as though it flowed like a dance and when he released it, anything he hit would be seriously wounded or dead. It was as though the lightning adored him and he adored it. 

Suddenly out of the darkness behind the trees a gigantic fireball sped towards the group. Tal turned just in time to see Groglack spew out water from his hands. The water hit the fire like a ton of bricks to a human. The fire was almost instantly put out. But before anyone else could react a small canister fell to the ground in the middle of them. They leaned over to look at it and gas started pouring from it. They tried to cover their mouths but it was too late. The gas began taking effect and all of them were rendered unconscious.

Tal awoke on a shadowy slab of rock. Quickly jumping off of the rock Tal slid across the floor and put his back to a wall, “Where am I…?” He asked aloud. Vladimirs rough hissing voice answered, “We are in the base of the Followers of Shadow.” He said stepping from the darkness in his Dark red robe and glowing golden belt, “What have you done?!” Tal yelled and rushed forth grabbing him by the throat and slamming him into a wall, “N-not me!” Vladimir choked out, “We were ambushed!” He said as Tal lowered his feet to the ground and loosened his grip on his neck but still held it, “You were out for seven days, and my…ethnicity helped me recover quicker.” He said smiling revealing his four fangs. Two were on top spread out and two on bottom near them middle.

Tal let Vladimir go and pulled out his battle staff which was still on his back surprisingly enough, “Let’s go, we have to find the others.” He said and moved towards the doorway. He slowly pushed the door open and was met by three guards who stood unmoving as if they were stone. Altogether they spoke in a low raspy voice, “Three trials you shall face three to test your strength, endurance, and emotion.” Tal looked at them and smirked, “Where do I face these trials?” He asked. The shadowy guards spoke again, “Through the door of solid steel, go through it and your trials shall reveal. As they spoke their skeleton like fingers rose in unison and pointed to a massive steel door at the end of the hall. Vladimir spoke his voice quaking, “Sssshould we really do this?” he hissed. In response Tal smacked him in the head and walked down the hallway towards the door, “Coward…” He said lightly but loud enough for Vlad to hear. Tal reached out and pushed open the door bravely stepping into the unknown.

Through the door two stone statues stood. They were massive and their silhouette was dark and ghostly. Tal looked them over, “Where is this test of strength?” He yelled into the room. Then one of them turned to him. Tal quickly drew his battle staff and got into his fighting position just in case. The stone giant turned toward him, “In this room we shall fight. Flesh on stone to earn your rite.”

Tal looked it over and said, “Very well.” Almost immediately the stone giant lunged towards him. Tal shoved Vladimir out of the way and shoulder rolled behind it. He slammed his fists into the ground and a row of stone spikes violently struck up out of the Earth. The giant had no time to move and one of the spikes broke off a large section of its foot. The stone giant stumbled back and fell to the ground with a gigantic crash. Tal quickly rushed to it and jumped onto its torso. He slammed his battle staff into the giants head and beat it repeatedly until nothing but rubble remained.

Tal wiped the sweat from his brow and looked at Vladimir, “Stay here.” He said and moved through to the next door. This door had huge spikes protruding from it and images of people being impaled and tortured. Tal had a bad feeling about the next room.

As he stepped through into the next room he observed his surroundings. There were chains dangling from the walls as well as whips flogs and various other torturous devices. A voice came from the darkness, “Sit.” it commanded. Tal picked the least torturous looking table in the room. As soon as Tal sat down the table lurched and locks came out. Two hooks shot out and hooked him in the back. They tore into his flesh and pulled him down onto the table.

Tal struggled for a moment but eventually laid back as his blood dripped down the table. The table lurched again and started pulling his body. The table creaked as it slowly pulled him. Tal was in excruciating pain, “Let me out of here!” He yelled as the table slowly tugged at his joints, “Where is the leader of the supposed ‘pure elementals’?” the voice asked him, “You will never break me!” Tal yelled in response. The table moved again this time his right shoulder was popped out of socket with a sickening schlock, “Gahh!” He screamed out in pain.

The voice spoke again and the table stopped, “Where is…” the voice stopped before finishing, “Be gone.” The voice said and the table released him. The hooks were violently yanked from his back tearing off two small chunks of his skin. Tal slumped to the ground, “Damn this place.” he said quietly. His arm was dangling at his side. Tal stood and shoved his arm up, back, and into his socket, “OOOW!”

Tal walked towards the next door. It had faces protruding from it that were so lifelike it seemed as though they would turn and speak to him. All of the faces showed a person in some state of emotion. Tal surmised that it was a way of intimidating him. The doorknob itself was a face expressing anguish and anger at the same time.

As Tal pushed the door open a loud scream exploded into the room. He recognized the voice. It was Alceme. Tal rushed through into the room and looked around. There were bodies everywhere, not dead but in a stasis. Then in the middle of the room, white as a ghost, eyes rolled into the back of her head, was Alceme.

Tal saw her and got slammed to the ground by a giant green hand. The hand was attached to Groglack. Tal looked up, “Groglack? What are you doing?” He asked. Groglack was dressed in the shadowy attire of a Follower of Shadow.

Then from the darkness Tomi, the thieving dwarf stepped, “You are a fool Tal Rocke!” He exclaimed in his squeaky dwarven voice. Almost as soon as the words left his mouth a fireball slammed into him. Vladimir had come and knocked the dwarf into the wall. Tal took advantage of this and sweeped his feet around behind the giant half-orc. Groglack fell to the ground and Tal jumped to his feet.

Tomi drew his shadowy dagger and Vladimir his flaming sword. The sword struck the dagger with such force that it shattered sending chunks of sharpened earth into Tomi’s face. Vladimir then impaled him with his flaming katana and twisted it out as Tomi fell to the ground dying painfully.

In the meantime Tal slammed his battle staff against Groglack’s enchanted war hammer. The two met and knocked Tal and Groglack back against two pillars. In the large room Tal stood and shot a massive amount of lightning into Groglack’s torso. The bolts struck and as they continued to flow from his fingertips Groglack burst into flames. But Tal did not stop there. The bolts continued to flow and Groglack shook and seizured violently then exploded. His body parts, still flaming, splattered on the walls and his the ground. The battle was won…for now.

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2011-05-18 [Yudan Enzeru]: Wow Daniel! ^^ that was amazing! If you want I can think of some things to help you improve. ^^
I see here you are fascinated with lightning. Is that your preferred element?

2011-05-18 [GlassCasket]: Thanks :P I dont think its that awesome.
yes,yes it is :D Lightning is the most amazing element EVAR! :P Sure give me your opinions i would loves them.

2011-05-18 [Yudan Enzeru]: ok let me kinda reread it and find them again XD

2011-05-18 [GlassCasket]: k :D

2011-05-18 [Yudan Enzeru]: in paragraph 6 after the ambush why does he attack Vlad? Does he not know it's him? Or does he think it is one of the people whom attacked him?

2011-05-18 [GlassCasket]: Tal is skeptical of Vlad the majority of the story and since Vlad was up he thought he was a traitor.

2011-05-18 [Yudan Enzeru]: ahh ok
you should make that more clear in that area. Even though in the beginning you mentioned its good remind the reader especially if he is accusing a member of the team all the sudden.

2011-05-18 [Yudan Enzeru]: when he entered the second challenge. describe the surroundings better. It said he sat at the table? Like in a chair but he was pulled on the table by hooks. Are these tables sitting upward? Hard to see what happening.

Another thing is why did it just leave? Let him go???

2011-05-18 [Yudan Enzeru]: second to last paragraph you say sword. Most people will auto think halbred or broad. Its Katana so make it katana in the beginning and instead of sword use 'steel' or 'blade' :)

2011-05-18 [Yudan Enzeru]: last paragraph :

lightning into Groglack’s torso. The bolts struck

Bad wording we already know he's being shocked so you don't need to explain it again "UNLESS" you are describing it.

Such as The bolts stuck into the core of his body causing his body to convulse and begin to shut down. The brain was the first to go due to the electric impulses


OTHER THAN THAT.. good. but check names and spelling noticed the s=names switched spellings sometimes. lol

2011-05-18 [GlassCasket]: This is actually only the first part so a lot is left unsaid but i appreciate the input :D I'll work it all into the next part.

2011-05-20 [Yudan Enzeru]: yey! ^^ *hug*

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