ok its 1 day till my new years party n my house is the tips!
it will also be mine and martins one month anniversiary. i havnt spoken to him in two weeks n i keep getting told that martin might dump me. my life is so shit just now. i keep getting so angry i just get so angry i cant even cry!
the only way i can calm down is by cutting myself. i dont no y. maybe it is proof to myself that im alive. i dont no i think that im ill. or that i need help. im so confused. i dont no what to do things keep changing. people that i used to like are turning around declaring their love for me n dumping girlfriends for me n i just dont want all this attention. i just want to be alone and happy with my friends and my boyfriend who i love very much.

i have just come out of my last exam!!!!!!well for this year at least!!!its my last dayof school tomorrow so im happy!!! and its only 10 days till christmas and i havnt brought any pressies or cards!!
oh shit!

iv been going out with martin for almosttwoweeks and he said the sweetest thing to me today he said this
What is love?


Is love kissing and hugs and stuff. Or is it higher than that is it when 2 souls collide and become 1 and bond 4 eternity. You say you love someone but do you. I think that love is when someone walks in you just wana fly. You smile on the in side when you think about them all the time, when you catch them looking and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy in side. I think that I have found love. And I found it in you

ilove him sooo much but i dont deserve him and i keep expecting him to dump me.
nanna betty died last friday adn he funerals on this friday and i really dont want to go!
im going prom dress shopping with martin on sat-yey he gets to see me in a dress poor him!!!!