[DeMoN_oF_rAzGrIz]'s diary

114846  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-05-19
Written: (4200 days ago)

i cant get her out of my head no matter how hard i try not to think about her there she is in my head

i love her with all my heart and she tells me she loves me but idk if i'll get her back

when we dated 3 years ago i knew she loved me more then i loved her and apperently i told her when we were drunk i thought she was nothing but a piece of ass but she wasent back then i dont even know why i would say something like that

she's my angel she is one of the very few that can make me actually smile and feel happy in my life

she has a kid and another one on the way but i dont care about that i love her and i love her son bubbi he is so much fun to play with

i just wish there was a sign that let me know that i actually have a better chance of getting her back that's one of the major things i want in life right now is her

i'm not afraid to say it i love tiffany i use to talk shit about her cause i didn't want to hear bitching from my friends and family saying why do you love her but fuck them i love tiffany lloyd with all my heart and soul i hope one day we can be together again

114079  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-04-27
Written: (4222 days ago)

i got a little time before i gotta get dressed and go to work so i decided to write a quick blog

getting more hours at work which is cool i need the money i doubt i'll be able to get my own place this year but i'm ok with that i want to make sure i'm set financially before i move out

been talking to my ex g/f alot which is cool cause i missed talking to her cause usually we just joke around and that always gets me laughing she wants to hang out with me today but i probley cant since i have almost no gas in my car hopefully i have enough to make it to work

the lions are drafting a lot of players i never even heard of my prediction were gonna go 2-14 go ahead becca since your the only one who knows i have this blog make fun of the lions :P

ok time to get dressed and go to work so much fun

113744  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-04-16
Written: (4233 days ago)

i need a little bit of luck right now things are just not working out got a new job getting more hours then my last job but it's lesser pay and even though i'm getting more hours then my last job i'm still not getting enough and i keep on screwing up on the simplest of things


i really need something to go right i thought there were with allie but nope she got a b/f

bad luck without it i wouldent have any luck at all but hey that's life it's making me stronger in some way

112869  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-03-24
Written: (4256 days ago)

I GOT THE FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i start work this week and this new job thank god i need the money i gotta have my own place by the end of summer beginning of fall this is a scary part of my life but i think i'm ready for it i think i've matured alot over the past month i think i'm starting to get somewhat of a smile back

anyways that's all today i'm really glad i'm writing these things more often i feel a lot better inside when i do cause i dont have to hold any shit in

112810  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-03-21
Written: (4259 days ago)

got a job interview 2morrow wish me luck who ever is reading this

112666  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-03-16
Written: (4264 days ago)

as i sit here smoking a cig and watching old wrestling videos i just wounder why am i the way i am i mean i get depressed for no reason i remember when i was with my ex tiff and i would just get depressed for no reason i hated that cause we could be having such a fun time and i would get depressed. Why do i let so much shit get to me i let it could be the littlest thing and i get pissed off about it.

I guess what i'm trying to say is i really gotta reevaluate myself i need to change the person i am maybe i could be more happy and have more self confidence idk what i gotta do but i gotta be alex again and not the shell of the man

112646  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2008-03-15
Written: (4265 days ago)

well if your reading this you probley noticed that i deleted all of my stuff off of my page well i did that cause i never really use this website i just mainly use it cause of the diary and none of my friends know i hate it so i can just write down how i feel and nobody can read it

ahhhh so what's going on in my life well first off i quit my previous job 2 weeks ago and i couldent be happyier about that that job i had was just fucking me over every chance they got the process of find a new job is going ok applied to a bunch of places and hopefully i get a job somewhere

i'm really fucking nervous cause i'm going back to school in may so i can fulfill my dream of being in radio broadcasting i mean dont get me wrong i'm excited to but me and school never got along i usually messed up big time during my whole time at high school and this is defently not high school



well that's all i gotta write right now so newayz if your reading this thanks some feedback would be nice

111900  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2008-02-19
Written: (4290 days ago)

well i haven't wrote in this thing for almost 1 month now and i just feel like writing right now.


well what's going on in the demon's life well life is going ok i guess i'm starting to get more hours at work so i've been pretty busy the past couple weeks with that and trying to save up money so i can get a car and save up for a apartment.

that scares me of living on my own just because i hate being by myself but i love it at the same time i love not having anybody around to bug me but i hate just having somebody to hang out with or to talk to.

as i write this i'm watching the new stone cold steve austin dvd if anybody is a fan of his work in the ring you must by this dvd it is unbelievable.

still single but eh w/e i never try to get a g/f i just usually just get one out of no where there's still a girl i love with all my heart but i cant date her just yet.

i really need to go on a vacation i just need out of michigan for like a week that would be awesome.

anybody wanna cuddle lol

well i guess that's all i got to say hopefully i can win the lottery tomorrow so i can do something extra with my life hehe i sound like a redneck now but w/e lol 

110954  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-01-25
Written: (4315 days ago)

idk what to do anymore my depression is coming back a lot and idk why GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR i thought i was over this i thought i was back on track to being happy but i guess not and the worst part is i wanna cut again so fucking bad


110612  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-01-17
Written: (4323 days ago)

happy


that's a word that i rarely ever use cause i havent been truly happy in 10 years for 10 years i've learned that if you just fake a smile everybody will think your ok if you just act like everything is ok people around you will think everything is ok

i remember the last day i was actually happy it was my first day of summer vacation when i was 10 years old in 98 now every kid i knew loved summer vacation cause they got out of school for the summer but i loved summer vacation for one reason it ment that i got to spend 2 months straight with my grandma i loved that woman more then i did my mom since my mom was always at work i would spend time with my grandma she made sure i was ready for school she got me addicted to hockey and she was the first one to teach me how to be a man but on the first day of summer vacation my grandma had a stroke she couldn't control her body movements and she couldn't talk my mom told me and my sister to give her a hug and tell her that we loved her the ambulance took her away and later that day we got the call that she passed away. on that day i lost my smile and my best friend

ever since then i just didn't know how to smile i didn't know how to me happy and it just got worse when my mom died


why couldent it be me that died instead of you guys mom and grandma why couldent have been me

110469  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-01-13
Written: (4327 days ago)

well today is not really a bitch fit because i've been sleeping all day and dont really feel to good but i've had this elfpack membership for about a month now and i've noticed some things


there are a lot of juggalos and juggalettes on this site not saying that's a bad thing i got a bunch of friends that are both but where are the maggots at come on people

the people i've already talked to on here are pretty cool so i already like it more then myspace i barely get a message on that site

i guess that's really all i've noticed right now so yea i know it's a short one again but what do you expect i'm tired

110111  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-01-04
Written: (4336 days ago)

ok all you little mother fuckers who actually come on my elfpack thingy and read my blogs or diary's whatever there called (i like to call these my bitchfits) i got a new thing to bitch about it's my job

i work at a restaurant called Brio Tuscan Grille when i first got the job i loved it i work with some cool people (except the mexicans cause they cant speak a fucking work of english) my bosses are cool and the best thing i got paid a lot of fucking money every week but for some reason there cutting my fucking hours from working 40-50 hours a week i barely get 20 it's pissing me off cause now when i get my fucking paychecks i got enough to fill up the gas tank buy cigs for the week and that's it i mean come on guys fucking give me more hours.


not as big of a bitchfit as last time but i guess it will have to do for now

 The logged in version 

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