Since i dont feel like saying all of this to everyone, im just gonna write it in here...

So 2 weeks ago i was single and i was at Alexs' house. We got into a HUGE fight about something...i dont really remember what. but she stormed out of her room and took a shower...while she was there i went through her computer (im really nosey) and i found a microsoft word document that was dated for that day so i read it lol. it was a letter to me and it said she wanted to ask me out again. i closed the document and thought," sweet, she still likes me...i wonder why she hasnt told me..."
So at like midnight she came back into the room and apologized (even though i was the one who should have been apologizing) and we just kinda sat there all night. When i woke up around noon (lol) she wasnt there and i was a folded up peice of paper on the floor next to me...it was the letter from microsoft only she had changed it up a bit it said that she was still in love with me and that she wanted me back. she said it was cool if we had an open relationship. she wanted an answer by that friday...i was like "awesome, she still likes me and shes cool with an open relationship" (but honestly i would feel like i were cheating on her (again) if i did that)
So i go back home and call Josh. I tell him about alex and he got sad...i was all "whats wrong" lol and he said that he only had one chance to ask me something...(i knew what was coming) He said that he had never gotten over me and that he needed a second chance to see what we could have together (ive told him many times before that i didnt think i liked guys) i wasnt sure what to say and without thinking i was like "umm...ok" and then we got off the phone...fuck...i really messed up with that one...
so we are together and i like...have to say no to alex...i dont know if i can do that. i love alex and im not sexually attracted to guys anyway.
Friday rolls around and i have to tell alex no...i call her up around 6 and she answers like this "hey baby"...that made things way more difficult lol. i told her i was with someone else and she got PISSED. she said something like "what the hell, you said you loved me" and then i said how sorry i was and she was all "no karly...youre not. everyone was right about you. youre a cold hearted bitch who only uses people and throughs them away" then sh went on to say she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again...then she hung up and now she's really pissed at me which i reacted stupidly to...
...so anyway...that same night i tell frankie that im with josh but it doesnt really matter because im gay lol...she got upset (rightfully so) and seriously not 3 minutes later i get a call from carissa..crap...she wasnt as mad as i thought she would be...thank god...i thought that she would want to stab me, but she didnt lol. she just told me that i should probably let josh know that i was gay lol. 
earlier that week i was trying to make a point to taylor that i listen to some people because she said i never listened lol. and i was like "thats not true i listen to carissa lol" then i said "if carissa told me to break up with josh i probably would" (but i was only trying to make a point, i wasnt serious) so now shes probably gonna think i broke up with josh because carissa told me to lol. oh well lol
anyway, i broke up with josh, and now everyone is pissed at me...kinda sucks but im trying to make things right

Pink - Heartbreaker

I keep thinkin' bout that little sparkle in your eye
Is it a light from the angels, or your devil deep inside?
What about the way you say you love me all the time
Are you liftin' me up to heaven, just to drop me down the line?

There's a ring around my finger,
But will you change your mind?
And you tell me that I'm beautiful,
But that could be a lie

Are you a heartbreaker?
Maybe you want me for the ride
What if I'm fallin' for a heartbreaker?
And everything is just a lie
I won't be leavin' here alive
I won't be leavin' here alive, no

Temporary happiness is like waiting for the knife
Cause I'm always watchin' for someone to show their darker side
So maybe I'll sit back and just enjoy all this for now
Watch it all play out, see if you really stick around

But there's always this one question
That keeps me up at night
Are you my greatest love
Or disappointment in my life?

Are you a heartbreaker?
Maybe you want me for the ride
What if I'm fallin' for a heartbreaker?
And everything is just a lie
I won't be leavin' here alive
I might as well lay down and die

I'm holding on with both hands and both feet, oh
Promise that you won't pull the rug out from under me

Are you a heartbreaker?
Maybe you want me for the ride
I pray to god you're not a heartbreaker
This time around I won't survive
Cause if I'm fallin' for a heartbreaker
And everything is just a lie
I won't be leavin' here alive
I might as well lay down and die, oh
I won't be leavin' here alive