[Tarik]'s diary

119819  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-12-18
Written: (5616 days ago)

And here are some of my old ones too...


Him
Why? I know I want him does he really want me? I need someone. I want someone. I want him to be my someone but can I ever tell him this? No, I know I can't. I'll never be able to tell anyone. They'll all know who but not because I said who. But because of him and because of how I act around him. Why? Him, hes all I want. Hes all I need I think he knows but does he really? If he does what does he think. I need to stop. I need to stop everything. I need to stop thinking. Do I need to stop breathing?


Love
love... its nothing...people...they are nothing...all of them...why do i live with them... why do i love them... ha... love... what does that word mean... all it brings is pain... day after day i wonder why i feel it... if i feel it... why does any of it matter... love... people... they feed off of eachother... it is a never ending cycle... soon the feeding will stop... and we will all live on as hollow shells... because of that one word... love... that one word with many meaning... love... the one word that kills... love... we all use it... love... we all feel it... love... but why does any of it matter... love... it will consume us all one day... love... it will spare no one... love...that wonderful word... love... oh how much i love to hate that word... love... ha... they all think they understand it... love... but one day they will discover the truth... love... thats what took me... love... i'll lay on my bed with no more thoughts... except one... love...that one word will make me crazy... love... it will consume my mind... love ...it has already begun... love ... love... love... oh how much i need the sound... love... oh how much i need the feeling... love... but oh how much i hate it... love... love... oh how i love it... love... oh how i hate it... love... oh how i need it... love... that one word... love... But why???


...dipped in chocolate
Inside of me...Thats all you want... its all you think about... you don't love me... love is a lie...it kills when you say it... it doesn't cheer me up... i don't want to hear it... Love is nothing but lust dipped in chocolate... when you say 'I love you'... then i'll shove it down your throat... so tell me... how does lust taste... when its dipped in chocolate???


Forever
Forever isn't long to wait, if I knew you even cared.
1 week, though, can be forever, when I know the pains not shared.
Everyday can be forever, every letter read.
Everyhour is forever, when all inside I'm dead.
Seconds too can be forever, when noone feels the same.
So how many forevers must I wait 'til you make me whole again?


Why
I do what they tell me
what good does it do
you all just ignore me
just to give me a clue
Why do I listen
it kills me inside
I feel my eyes glisten
I believed all your lies
If none of it works
then why do you tell me
I'm sick of your 'quirks'
noone believes me


Trying
I'm trying to run
but my feet wont move,
I'm trying to scream
but my mouth is glued.


Just Let Me
Just let me sleep
Just let me dream
Just let me down
Just let me drown

119818  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-12-18
Written: (5616 days ago)


These are some of my random poem things that I wrote. The top two are newer ones. The other ones are just older ones that I decided to post. Anyway, enjoy them and maybe leave some comments?


No
No. The simple two letter word, with the ability to shatter anyones world. But my heart is used to the sound so it means nothing to me anymore. No. The simple two letter word, the one I want to change so bad. If I'm around you long enough, can I change that no to yes?

Do you?
Do you miss me sitting next to you? My heart beating slowly in time with yours. Close enough to hold but never getting the chance. Do you miss me now? I want so bad to ask but inside I already know the answer.

Untitled
Confusion hits hard knocks me back through my door.
I close myself in I can't take anymore.
I see my world crashing outside of my window.
It traps me inside and I start to let go.
When I open the door will I see you outside?
Will you be there for me or leave me to die?

Untitled
Written letters never sent are burning in my heart.
Close and far in every way its tearing me apart.
I close my eyes your hiding there I see you every night.
I wait impatient in the dark for you my only light.
Will you ever come for me to save me from myself?
Or leave me with the other dolls all lined up on the shelf?

Untitled
I lie here waiting in my bed, I know the tears wont come.
I think of all the things you've said, how could I be so dumb.
Now all I want and all I need are dreams flushed down the drain.
Still nothing comes but here inside, my tears will fall like rain.
They wash my wounds with salty tears, I never feel a thing.
They fill the void I'll always have, they take away the sting.
But nothing matters anymore, the pain wont go away.
You tell me all the time you care, but still the hole will stay.

Darkness
So cold... inside and out... I feel darkness begin... its setting... slowly... too slow... I wish it would come... cover up my feelings... from everyone... from myself... but it doesn't... theres a little candle... somewhere... keeps the darkness away... keeps me from the cold... the candles gone out... I can feel the darkness... I can feel the cold... I want the light... I need the candle... but someone... someone has blown it out... was it me...

Silence
Silence... no thoughts... whats happening... needing to say something... anything... but I can't... wanting to write every little thought... every little feeling... I putmy pencil on the paper... nothing... nothing comes... frustration... I need to say something... what am I supposed to say... searching my brain for any thoughts... nothing... nothing but silence...

The Emptiness I call my heart
I see you walking next to me, I turn your never there.
I hear you whisper things to me, these words I'll never hear.
I see you on my way around, a fractured glass of dreams.
I hear your song call out my name, its ripping at my seams.

In the emptiness I call my heart
I feel you calling out.
In the emptiness I call my heart
My life keeps falling down.
In the emptiness I call my heart
My feelings try to hide you.
In the emptiness I call my heart
I know I'll always find you.

I stand in the rain, your warm arms around me.
I lay in my bed, when will you find me?
I feel you here, warm lips against mine.
I live in my dreams, I wont wake this time.

In the emptiness I call my heart
I feel you calling out.
In the emptiness I call my heart
My life keeps falling down.
In the emptiness I call my heart
My feelings try to hide you.
In the emptiness I call my heart
I know I'll always find you.

Your here in my dreams, I'll see you at last.
You whisper sweet words as we lay in the grass.
The snow falls around as you still hold me close.
Why are you here? When in life your needed most.

Untitled
Its Something about you, it wont let me go
It Kills me inside, but you'll never know.
It Yells to my mind and beats at my heart.
It Leaves me so empty, my world torn apart.
It Eats at my soul, I still feel it feeding.
It Rips at my heart, 'til my heart keeps an bleeding.

My Letter
I'll write you a letter. It'll say everything you need to know, everything I want you to know, everything I want you to hear. A letter, perfect in every way. All the words you want to hear, all the words I long to tell you, but know I never can. I'll write it all down, page after page, paragraph after paragraph, line after line, sentence after sentence, word after word, letter after letter. Then I'll watch it burn as I throw it in the fire, too scared to let anyone know, to let anyone see. Then I'll let is burn, as I cry myself to sleep.

My Bullets
Copper bullet holds my life and takes away my day.
Bronzing bullet in my throat holds all I want to say.
Silver bullet in my heart that traveled far too deep.
Golden bull;et in my head to help me fall asleep.

Feelings
I'm running away from my feelings, but they're running close behind. I can't get away, they keep on coming. I don't want to feel them but I always do. Why do I feel only for you? I want to give up, I want to give in. Can anyone help me? It kills me inside as I try to kill them off. I want to kill them all. The only thing I do is kill myself by trying. I'm killing myself, only you can save me. Take all my feelings and let my heart repair.

Am I?
Am I perfect yet? Am I good enough yet? What can I do for you? Everything I write, everything I say, none of it makes sense. Your all I want, all I need, but am I anything to you? Am I yours? Am I mine? DO I even own myself anymore? Where do I belong? Where do you belong? Am I saying anything right? Am I making any sense? Am I even alive anymore?

Something
I want to write you something. Something beautiful, something perfect. Something where all the words are perfect. They'll all sound beautiful together, not a syllable out of place. Something that flows like a river, shines warm on your face, makes everything better, exactly how you want it... exactly how I want it. But nothing can do that. Nothing will work. My words aren't beautiful, my words aren't perfect. My something is just words on a page. No meaning to anyone. No meaning to you. My something... is nothing.

 The logged in version 

News about Elfpack
Help - How does Elfpack work?

Get $10 worth of Bitcoin/Ethereum for free (you have to buy cryptos for $100 to get it) and support Elfpack!