[lucifers angel]'s diary

91819  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-01-07
Written: (4938 days ago)


My soul tainted with blood
my heart locked away
I am not human and I don't belong
Why am I here?
Even i do not know the answer
I question my actions every day that I live
wondering "what is my purpose?"
"where do I belong?"
i go on through life
despite my pain and confusion
I fight off al emotions
in order to keep my soul purealthough tainted my soul is not corrupt
despite this body's youth and inexperience
i know wisdome beyond my years
and bringfear to all who see it
for i am not understood
and probably never will be
I will always be alienated
forced into a lifestyle
where some accept me but always pry
trying to understand something they will never comprehend
trying to figure out what i am
they attempt to share a relationship with me..
something I will never be capable of
and it suits me just fine
for i need not others
or emotions of love and friendship

91817  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-01-07
Written: (4938 days ago)


I found myself sleeping in once again
fighting natural animal instincts
i feel i am no longer the same
i have been deteriorating
no longer strong enough
to go on with this sherade
i try...
to make myself apear as human as possible
but while pretending to be something i am not
i disgust myself to the fullest extent
i dispize humans
and to be forced to act and live
with such a race of loathsome beings
torments my soul and breaks my spirit.
while these beings are indeed corrupt
they harbor many emotions, that i am incapable of understanding,
and perhaps these emotions are what causes this race's corruption
they bare, sentimentality,hope, fear,trust, hatred
and the most loathsome of all emotions..
I almost gave into these emotions but.. while experiencing these sentimentalities and their pain
I was able catch myself
and save my soul from human corruption
and pehaps a fate, worst than death.
now I live in fear of the next chance they will have to taint my heart
and attempt to destroy me...
I may never sleep well again.

91629  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-01-05
Written: (4941 days ago)

Reflection and Rejection of self

This night the mirror cast a shadow of who i use to be.
i look to the other side that is now me,
where the darkness flows
and despair is more inviting than the alternative.
I fear nothing but my opposit self
who shows a face filled with hope and lies.
I banish this human heart to the mirror
where I shall be forever haunted by it's reflection
A reflection of who I almost became;
a weak human heart poisoned by all who surround me.
I dislike this vulnerable self and so...
i decided i must rid my soul of such an impurity.
I allow myself to harden once more,
to block away these weak human emotions
that threaten to polute my soul.
I have saved myself.
For the human race is so badly corupt and tainted,
that I will have no part in it.

 The logged in version 

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