[ninja penguin]'s diary

104060  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-08-17
Written: (4351 days ago)

 Cute Bunniez!!
../)/)..
.(o.o).
.C(")(").  Bunny on Crack!!
../)/)..
.(>.<).
.C(")(").  Bunny who says "Oh Crap"
../)/)..
.('O').
.C(")("). Bunny who says "Im tellin mommy"
../)/)..
.(-.-).
 C(")("). Bunny who says F U...
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so true
~~~~31 Things Guys Should Know About Girl~~~
Written by a guy. After years of experience.
1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.
2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.
3. Beware of every single male relatives and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.
4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.
5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.
6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.
7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.
8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.
--8.5. If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.
9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...
10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy.
--11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!
12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.
14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the crap out of him.
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.
17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
19. Don't flirt with their moms or friends...that's just freaky.
20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like crap, so be understanding
21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend
23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.
27. Don't marinade the cologne.
28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.
29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
31.Don't ever do anything wrong (well not anything). girls remember things for life and anything you did wrong will be used against you in the future!





lmao

98737  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-04-27
Written: (4463 days ago)

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American
shows on a Japanese TV.

96670  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-03-14
Written: (4507 days ago)

[1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses]
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
[3. Every time someone asks you to do something,]
ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
[5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
]
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
[7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."
]
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
[9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.]
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
[11. Specify that your drive-through! order is "to go".]
12. Sing along at the opera.
[13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.]
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
[15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.]
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Devon.
[17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!"
"3rd time this week!!!!!"
]
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
[19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."]
20. Put this in all of your profiles

96619  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-03-13
Written: (4508 days ago)

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex on a piece of paper.


2. Which color is your favorite out of red, black, blue, green and yellow?


3. Your first initial


4. Your month of birth


5. Which color do you like most? Black or white?


6. Name of a person of the same gender as you.


7. Do you like California or Florida more?


8. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?


9. Write down a realistic wish.


ARE YOU DONE? IF SO, SCROLL DOWN..


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THE ANSWERS


1. You are completely in love with this person
2. If you choose: RED - You are alert and your life is full of
love. BLACK - You are conservative and aggressive GREEN - Your
soul is relaxed and you are laid back BLUE - You are spontaneous
and love kisses and affection from the one you love YELLOW - You
are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are
down
3. If your initial is: A-K - You have a lot of love and
friendship in your life L-R - You try to enjoy life to the
maximum and your love life is soon to blossom S-Z - You like to
help others and your future love life looks very good
4. If you were born in: JAN.-MAR. - The year will go very well
for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone
totally unexpected APR.-JUNE - You will have a strong love
relationship that will not last long but with memories that will
last forever JULY-SEPT. - You will have a great year and
experience a major life changing experience for the good OCT.-DEC.
- Your love life will not be too great, but eventually, you will
find your soul mate
5. If you chose: BLACK - Your life will take on a different
direction, it will seem hard for you at the time but it will be
the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
WHITE - You will have a friend who completely confides in you and
would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. If you chose: CALIFORNIA - You like adventure FLORIDA - You
are laid back
8. If you chose: LAKE - You are loyal to your friends and your
love. And you are very reserved. OCEAN - You are spontaneous and
like to please people.
9. This wish will only come true if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN on
your house within the next hour and it will come true before your
next birthday!!!!!!!

94946  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-02-17
Written: (4532 days ago)

Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
a bâ€utiful, independent,
self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so
~~~~~~~~
while secretly taking pills to lessen the
pain of me beating you to death."
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sautéed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin think so.

 The logged in version 

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