My Opinions

Disclaimer

I've retyped this a few times... to keep it at the top... Just... deal with it. So
I, as a random person on the internet, do not want to get sued. I am just expressing myself. I am not saying that my opinions are right. I am not saying that they're morally correct. I'm not saying that you are wrong. They are just opinions. Don't get butt-hurt if I don't agree with you. Don't hate me if my opinions don't coincide with yours. Don't quit being my friend. Don't rule out being my friend. Don't go yelling to your parents about my opinions. I really couldn't give two shits what you tell your friends. So long as they don't go yelling to their parents. Because parents have money... and attorneys. And I'll be fucked if I go to court because you got all butt-hurt because of my... OPINIONS... Seriously.
I'll listen to your opinions too. If you took the time to read mine, I'll read yours. And reflect. And maybe even tweak mine if I agree with yours. And if I don't agree with yours, then maybe we can have a friendly debate. Or, if you're not into that thing, we don't have to. Because, guess what, we can't prove or disprove these things. They're... opinions...

My Opinions

"Girls are so Superficial"

This was said by a male I used to keep somewhat closeish company with. And I have problems with this statement for many reasons.

First off, it's classifying an entire group of people, which isn't cool. Nothing pisses me off more than "All guys are assholes" or "Girls are so superficial" The only thing you can say about an entire group, particularly gender is "Guys have penises" and "females have breasts" and "Generally, most males have a more masculine look to their face than females" "males are stronger than females" and "Females have the ability to give birth" You know, stuff like that. Or statistics "though females are more likely to attempt suicide, males are more likely to succeed, according to this survey"(information can be found at http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1998/11/981112075159.htm, if your curious) and what-not. You know, obvious facts... Or something stated by a reputable source, such as a scientific survey, etc etc.

Even saying it as simply an opinion "I think all females are superficial" is ridiculous because, though I try to respect people's opinions, there is plenty of evidence to disprove that. There's an abundance of females who are with someone they love, not because of how they look, or their financial standing, but because they click with that person.

There's more evidence to prove that males are superficial (not saying all males are, that would be stupid and hypocritical) given the pornography industry is very heavily geared towards males. (I can say males are considered more visual than females). Even the few females companies (Chippendale... um... Chippendale... hold on, I'm going to research this real quick...<.< Apparently there's a place called Topshelf... um... Yeah. Chippendale) are not near as famous as Playboy Bunnies, Penthouse, Page 3, and probably hundreds upon thousands more that I have not heard of. Stripclubs, etc. There's a reason Bachelor parties are more notorious than Bachelorette.

Now, I'm not saying that no female is superficial. In fact, quite a few are. But, so are males. It's a human trait that isn't exclusive to any gender, race, age, etc. And, I just haven't had a public opinion in a long time... Almost a year! So yeah, here it is. It's kinda short... as I'm out of practice...

My Opinons

Emos

Okay, so the emus with the cute hair and the shy smile I can deal with. Their style is not half-bad (except for the whole super tight pants on guys with big junk... it is just ew) and they're adorable. They're usually fun to talk to as well. Emo fashion I am fine with. The “emus” who think that life is shit and make me feel miserable are the ones I can not stand. The people who daily tell me “just kill me” get really annoying. I mean, honestly, shut the fuck up. Learn to fucking deal with your problems. You probably do not have to work, come from a rich family, you have schooling, and you obviously have friends who you can go to so that you feel better about your worth. Because if someone does not wanna kill you, that makes you worth something, right? So someone is pissing you off. Deal with it. It is fucking life. And if you really wanted to be killed, wouldn't you do it yourself?

Then it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't a fad. Friends do it because other friends do it. Killing yourself is a fad. Emo is a fad. And it pisses me off so bad. And doctors aren't helping. Diagnosing everyone who comes to them with some abbreviation or depression. And then giving them 15 different kinds of medicines. You do not know who's actually unstable and who's stimulating the economy. You do not know who needs your help and who needs to just shut the fuck up.

I guess this wouldn't bother me so much if I knew people who had problems. Real problems. And they remain chipper and okay with life. People who's parents are divorced or divorcing. People who've had a sibling die. People who've seen a best friend get killed, or pretty damn close to it. People who's lives at home are falling apart and school is their escape. Parent's are on drugs and are violent. These people have problems. What's worse is problems that are out of their control. And I've heard very few of them actually even utter the word “suicide.”

So you, with your little $100 dollar pants that mommy gave you because “you're expressing yourself.” You, who bitch about your boyfriend being overbearing and “you just can not deal with life.” Fucking get your head out of your ass and realize that you're pretty well off.

My Life

So, I've come to a realization tonight, yet again, that Katie is never going to see me like I see her. We will be nothing but friends, for the rest of time. I think the closest she came to how I feel about her was her short crush on me, like, two years ago. About the time that she realized that there was no sexual orientation. And, you'd think I'd be used to that idea, since I've realized it so many fucking times, but I am not. It still hurts. But, I think the worst part is, the one person who she does think she's Loved, is Matt. Now, do not get me wrong, I think Matt's a great guy, and I'd give him another go if ever given the chance. But. Her. He uses her for his personal entertainment. He'll twist her into thinking that he likes her (including during our relationship) but then he'll treat her like shit. He's been doing this for the past three and a half years. I could deal with her being in Love with someone else, because then she would be happy. And so long as Katie's happy, everything is alright in my world. But that won't happen with Matt. He does not feel anywhere near the same way. It is worse than me and Katie's relationship because at least Katie can say she's my friend. Possibly even best friend, depending on the circumstance. But Matt. He and her are occasionally acquaintances at best. And then he'll hate her, ruin her, and break her heart. Over. And over. And over. My ex-boyfriend. It is a violation worse than rape. It really is. Rape seems petty compared to this love triangle.

People say give others a chance. Maybe things will change. But, with Katie, Matt, and I, it will always be the same triangle. I love Katie, Katie loves Matt, and Matt loves/d me. I do not even think that she knows. She even challenged it at one point. Asking if there was such a thing as a genuine Love triangle. I told her we were in one, and she disagreed because me and her are friends. At best. If anything, it wasn't a Love triangle because of me and Matt. According to her perception, I see her no differently then I see Shaman, Josh, Nekko, Brittany, Momo, Rin, Kayla, Brandon, Mac, or anyone else. I would sacrifice all those people and myself in a heartbeat for her. And I have. I've severed relationships because she felt they were unhealthy. Everything I do is fueled on what she does. And her ideas. She does not understand the pedestal I've set her upon. She is my idea of perfection.

Then people want me to tell her. But I think I've realized that if I ever did, our friendship would never be the same. It'd get awkward. She might see me differently. If worse came to worst, she's quit talking to me, or feel threatened. And I could never do that. So I silently suffer. Enjoying every moment I have with her, alone or with someone else and then weep on the way back home.

The days are so short and our time together is so limited, especially with her lifestyle. My mother does not work in Longmont anymore, which cuts our time immensely. School will be starting. She's going to overload herself with academics and social interactions and never have free time. I'll read her writings, reread my writings about her, figure out -again- that our friendship is destroying me bit by bit, and wait patiently for the next time she texts, drawing what little I can for expression of how I feel, only to never show it to anyone and -in fear that someone will find it- burn it with a stony face.

It is how I roll. I think the worst is coming to the conclusion that she and I would be in a relationship if I was a guy. The worst. Because then I can not even help that. I could change until I was blue in the face and it wouldn't be enough because I am the wrong gender. Although she does not believe in sexual orientation, she is still driven by her “straightness” and won't even consider me as a proper mate, simply because of my anatomy.

I am not homosexual. I am not heterosexual. I am not bisexual. I love Katie. I would love Katie if she was a guy, girl, both, transvestite, or confused. I would love her if she was an alien, clone, cyborg, cat, dog. What she is does not concern me. How I am connected to her does. But it is a one-way channel.

My literacy teacher believes that if someone is in love, that it needs to be returned. Katie loves Matt, it is not returned. I love Katie, it is not returned. My dad loves me, I wouldn't consider it returned. Love does not have to be a two-way to be considered love. It just needs to be the most ridiculous, idiotic, stupid, blinding, logic-defying feeling in the world.

My Opinions (beliefs)

Creation

My theory isn't based on any mathematics, or any strange scientific equations. It's not based on any evidence, and no evidence supports it. It's just an idea. A "Hey, this could work". So yeah. I did it for a mythology story. That's how much evidence there is for it. It's more of a myth than a theory.
To be able to understand my theory on our universe's creation, you need to quit seeing time line's as just, well, a straight line. A time line isn't necessarily just _ with a beginning, an end, and events. Instead, think of it more as a O. There isn't really a start. There isn't really a finish. It just. Is.
It doesn't matter where the first one came from. Because the first one came from another one that was before it. It's an infinite cycle.
A universe is created. We'll call it 1. 1 gets no help creating. It is created by 0, and then it's on it's own. 1 is responsible for the details. Moons, stars, planets. All 1. When one has created a bunch of stuff (mass. a lot of mass) 1 begins to slowly contract. 1 used to expand. But with all the mass of doom, it starts to slowly implode. When 1 is done collapsing, 2 is created from the remains. 2 gets no help creating. It is created by 1, and then it's on it's own. 2 is responsible for the details. Moons, stars, planets. All 2. When one has created a bunch of stuff (mass. a lot of mass) 2 begins to slowly contract. 2 used to expand. But with all the mass of doom, it starts to slowly implode. When 2 is done collapsing, 3 is created from the remains. 3 gets no help creating...
Get it?

My Opinions (beliefs)

Death

Dedicated to Adonis
Another reason we've created religion. People don't know what's on the other side. Where we came from, or where we go when we finally kick the bucket. And if it's worth creating wars and dying for, I think it's worth me jotting down.
What happens when we die? Really, scientifically, I'd say that we just stop existing. Our conscious is in our brains. So when we die, which is termed as being brain-dead now-a-days, our conscious dies too. There is no soul. There is no after-life. You were created, you lived, and, like every other animal, you died. The only thing proving your existence is other people's words, and your dead carcass. Now, that's pretty dismal. That sucks. That means that we aren't here for any real great purpose. But, it's possible.
However, we like to think that what we do makes a difference. That we aren't just worthless things of flesh. So we create an after-life. And I've created a pretty karma-happy one (that probably already exists).
We are born. From that moment, all of our actions are determined as "good" and "bad". So the first time around, we probably really screw up. We are learning life's lessons and didn't come in knowing any. Then we die. But our spirit keeps those life lessons. And then we are born again, having what we learned in our first life. You can live by what you learned, or you can lose it. That's why we have that little voice that tells us what's right and wrong.
If we ignore it through-out our life, we lose what we learned. And have to start over. But it's okay if you keep messing up. Because you can never go farther from square one. There is no square zero. You could mess up a million times, and still be at square one.
If you chose to follow your little voice, you keep what you learned, and you probably gained more. That could be why some people have a better sense of right and wrong than others. Once you learn all your lessons and live a "virtuous" life, your spirit can leave our realm, and go to "heaven". Heaven is your spirit's state of nirvana. It's not a place. It doesn't have a big man nor Jesus. It's just your soul. And that may seem unnerving, being all alone, but people, and company no longer really matter. You're peaceful. It's a happy place. You don't care whether or not there is someone there to be good to you, or tell you jokes, or talk to you, or tell you stories. You have been there and done all of that. Now, it's just a time to rest. And your soul sleeps.
Perhaps, even in my "spiritual" belief, you quit existing. But it no longer matters. You learned everything you needed to. You did everything you wanted to. Going to sleep forever sounds like a pretty good idea.

My Opinions

How to Fix Society

Dedicated to J.M.
When people lie, people don't care what they have to say. And when people know that people don't care, they lie, simply because they know it won't make a difference. Now, I could say that people need to start caring, but why care when all you're feed are lies?
People need to quit lying. Just. Simple as that. Stop lying. Because, eventually, people will find out you were lying, and never trust you again (unless they happen to be complete morons such as myself). And then, when you have something important to say, they won't listen. And if they were impressionable, and if you broke them by lying, they won't listen to anyone else. They won't care what anyone else has to say. And, if they keep living like that, they won't care what they have to say. And they'll quit caring about how they want to live. Their dreams will die. And when dreams die, people do too.
But, if you hadn't lied, if you had just played it straight the first time, people will trust your word. And if they trust it, they'll listen to it. And take it into consideration. They'll care about your words, and maybe spread them around. You could change the world for the better. And then feel amazing. That you made a difference. Not many people get to make a difference. But you can, just don't lie. Honesty is seriously the best policy. In the end, no matter what you say, or what you did, people will respect you. Because you played it straight.

My Opinions

Our Reason to Live

Dedicated to J.M.
A lot of people don't know why we're here. So we make up ideas and theories. We've created religions and have fought over who's ideas and theories were right. I disagree with all of them. So, this is why I think we are here:
Security. No other reason than that. People search their whole lives for happiness. But remember when you were younger? And if you had a nightmare you could snuggle up with mum and dad. And it would make you feel so much better. Those were the good days... and then you got too big. Or too old. And if you had a nightmare, you just had to go back to sleep. And then, you kept getting older. And you kept having to do things yourself. And build up an independence. And it's so depressing. Because when you were younger, your parents were always there for you, and they loved you no matter what. But as you got older, your parents got farther. And now you barely ever see them or talk to them. And these people WERE your life. And your world. And you were happy as a kid. Do you ever remember running into someone who was 5 and absolutely miserable 100% of the time? No. Because life back then was good. You got your food made for you, and you could sleep with mommy or daddy (or both... if you were lucky enough for your parents to be together) and if you were sick, mommy would stay home and make you soup and you would watch Disney movies. And now when you're sick, you take medicine, if you're contagious, you stay home. But you're all alone. No one is there to hug you, or watch Disney with you. You've got homework you have to do anyway so you can't really rest. You stress out about everything that you've missed which makes you sicker. And no one is there to help you. You feel open and fragile to the world, although you won't admit it. And then you get better, and time goes on. You got better all by yourself and by taken all those drugs. And if you're having problems with school, no one is there. Unless you have a genius friend who's willing to let you copy their notes. But you have to remember them yourself. Mommy can't help you because she's too busy working. Flash cards and studying with a partner don't exist anymore, unless you have a sibling who is near your age. And you stress because it's all up to you. And if you fail, it's all your fault. And it doesn't matter that you tried your hardest, you still failed. And people look down on you. And are disappointed and want to know "why didn't you do better". School does not help us on why we're here, although maybe, in a few years, if you can remember anything that you learned, it might come in handy for when you can tutor your kids. And help make them feel secure.
Security. It's what makes us happy. That's why we cuddle. That's why we want sex so bad. It isn't carnal instinct (don't argue with me dammit! I'm trying to make a point). It's security. That, at least for that moment, you are with someone else, who cares for you, who will protect you, and loves you just as much as you love them. Like when you were 5, and you had a nightmare. Mommy or Daddy would protect you, and love you and care for you. All we humans want, really, is to be happy. To be happy means to feel secure. Because then you have nothing to be afraid of. That's why having money can make people feel better. Because they don't have to worry about their kids going hungry. It's a security. That you are doing the right thing. All we need, is someone to cuddle up with us and tell us that everything's okay. That's why we're here. That is our reason to live.

My Opinions

Society/Feral Children

A little bit of background information, feral children are humans who were brought up and lived with animals for x amount of time. If found, and captured, they are forced to learn language and walk on two feet. After all, it's the norm.
I'm learning this in Sociology. Except, I think I'm supposed to be on society's side... However, I am not. I am on the "feral children"'s side. I believe that if they are happy and okay with how they have lived, then they should be allowed to continue living. These animals brought them in as their own and taught them their ways. Now here we come, x amount of years later. And we feel pity because these humans do not convey emotion. So. Fucking. What. They don't need it. They've learned to run on all fours, eat raw meat, etc. They do not need to be reformed simply because we think that they are us. That they are our kind. And if they are our kind, they need to be like us. And walk on two feet. And eat cooked food. And make decisions based on emotions and logic. They need to learn our language, and they need to work. Why can't we just leave them alone? Everyone else is gonna look down on them and not hire them because they're wild. I mean, seriously. All you're going to do is bring them pain. They've even tried escaping. But end up recaptured. They've been taught ways of animal. And it works for them. Why can't we just let them live like that? They won't live as long. Sure. But they'll live what they feel is a fulfilled life, if they could "feel". It isn't fair for us, as humans, to have a need to contort and control everything that we see as unfit. It may be unfit in our world, and in our little area, but it isn't for them. And if it isn't actually harming another person, then let them continue on with their life. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's wrong. These ferals can live without needing to think about consequences everyday, and dealing with their outlook. They don't need to look to someone to say good job or be judged for wearing something out of season. They were raised. They now eat, sleep, shit, and live a pretty basic lifestyle. What is so wrong with that? So what if they don't cook their food or walk on two legs? They're just getting by with how they were taught best, just like the rest of us.

My Opinions

Sex and Guys

So. There's a bunch of crap. About, how the only thing that a guys ever gonna want is sex. And you should never date a guy. Because he'll just use you. And then throw you away once you've given him what he wants. First off, I think that that is a load of bullshit. And I think that girl's who think this need to take a look at their wardrobe. Yes, there are sleezy guys. Yes, there are a select few who just want you for sex. Yes, there are girls who are just as bad. We as humans just want sex. Sex is amazing. It gets the stress out, it feels good, and it's a pretty emotional time when someone can look at you and your goofy face and still say they love you. It's an exchange of emotion, and icky bodily fluids. It can be as special as you want to make it, or it can just be a physical act. I don't even like sex. But I, as a human and as a need to procreate, am obsessed with it. And I'm a girl. Wanna know something? Girls masturbate. HOLY CRAP! Girls fuckin' masturbate. Girls are JUST as obsessed with sex as guys are. Probably even MORE so. That's why we get the sexy undies. 'Cause we love it. We want to be attractive, and we want guys to just eat us up (okay... not like that... well... yeah... like that... but... ugh... crap... bad pun... whatever. You know what I meant) so it just pisses me off when girls are all like, "Oh. Guys only date me for my body." or "I wish guys weren't such pigs." or "I can't ever seem to get a guy who wants me for who I am, instead of all the crazy things I can do with my tongue." Do you get my drift? Most of the time, these girls have a "reputation" for being "sex-crazed", ie, last example. And, in love, opposites do NOT attract. If you have a very active sex-life, you are going to end up with someone who wants sex. Just because you have that certain vibe (well... actually... certain SMELL... but... *ahem*). If you aren't really into sex all that much, you'll find guys paying less attention to your "assets" and more attention to your personality, because there isn't much sexually pleasing about you (and for wallflowers, that WILL change) because you don't have that "vibe". So, if you can't seem to find a guy who wants you for "you", maybe you should quit wearing lingerie out in public, and quit telling all your friends on MySpace about last night. 'Sides, that's just icky anyways. ^=^

My Opinions

Debating

So. I'm a master debater. I love debating. But, I won't ever say, "You're wrong I'm right." I won't ever say "You're opinions are stupid." Because no ones opinions are stupid. Everyone believes what they do for their own reasons. I will argue that how you support your opinions are stupid. But I will not actually ever say that your opinions are stupid. Because that's just what they are. Opinions. I don't care if they are different from mine. That doesn't make them any less right, or any less wrong. Now. To get on to the rant.
You know. When you meet someone. Who doesn't share your opinion. They think that a certain band is stupid or that that girl isn't considerably attractive. You get defensive and try to protect it. And then they get defensive and protect their opinions. And then you start shooting them down... calling them stupid. Yeah. That in itself is just aggravating. To me at least. Let me give you a specific example.
Last night, my current boyfriend got on this website. That his friend showed him. About religion, pretty much. And so it's pretty much there for people who are doubting God. And so my boyfriend is sort of reading around as I poke him, due to mass boredom.
And so I personally, with religion at least, try to not get involved. Unlike said boyfriend and HIS friend. Because we, as humans, do not know, and probably will never know, what "lies on the other side". We do not know for sure what was here before us, where we were before this realm, and where we go when we leave. So, really, you can't say this is right and this is wrong. Because there is no way of knowing. You can make educated guesses, like Science has done, but you can not know for sure because you yourself didn't actually witness it.
And then. There's my boyfriend. Who is an avid believer in Science. (I prefer Philosophy) So he's reading these problems that these people are having with their religion, and he is yelling (yes, yelling) at them. Calling them stupid, and other icky names. So I, as a debater, decide to argue with him. He's talking that all the Bible does is say that God created us. I say that's all that Science does. And then he disagrees.
I'm okay with that. You can disagree with me. I don't care. I'm not exactly a "believer" either. But when you specifically lash out at people, calling them stupid for their beliefs. That's going to bother me. You believe in these invisible little things called germs and bacteria and believe that we are all made up of even smaller things called atoms. And THOSE are made up of even SMALLER things, called subatomic particles. You believe that, in the beginning, something collided with something else, making us. Because that was what you were taught in school. Christians believe in the invisible man in the sky who controls all. Because that's what they were taught at home. They both sound far-fetched. But they're both (usually) respected theories and ideas. We have created "technology" just as people hundreds/thousands of years ago created "mythology". They really aren't that different. They try to explain the unexplainable. And they both have pretty good ideas. So, when you meet someone who believes in a mythology, and you believe in what technology tells you, don't go bitching about how wrong they are. Because they might not be. Don't call them retarded just because they have a different way of explaining something. It is their fuckin' right to have their fuckin' opinion. And it is your fuckin' right to have your own fuckin' opinion. You can debate this. You can do it educationally, however you do NOT have the right to say that you are right and they are wrong. That's why I quit liking Christians. Because, generally, Christians believe that I am going to "hell". And they would try to "show me the light". Well, now I have these "anti-Christians" who are doing the exact same thing to the Christians who were trying to convert me. And it STILL pisses me off. Just, let them believe in their invisible man. And I'll let you believe in your invisible atoms. Let's just leave everyone alone, okay? Okay. ^-^ And I probably won't even post this thing. But I will... but... don't read it... seriously... It's late and I'm all over the place. It probably doesn't even make sense. Not organized at all... XP

My Opinions

Life (Gratification and Sex)

Brought on by nothing more than a sore throat and an empty stomach.

You know? Sometimes. Life isn't all that great. In fact, it's a shit hole. Most, if not all, of the time. Your parents are irresponsible, your friends are judgmental, and school is just a bitch.
You have to wake up really fucking early 5 days a week, to listen to someone lecture. For 7 hours. Go home. And then try to prove that you were listening, when you weren't, to their fucking shit. And, how you work out in this environment, creates your WORLD. So don't fuck it up.
If you do ANYTHING, and seriously, anything, that your friends disagree with, you're screwed. 'Cause they aren't really your friends. They aren't really there for you. They don't really care about you. They care about themselves and what you do for their status. That's all this whole damn thing is about. Status. And so if you do anything they disagree with, you're done. Over. And you need to find a new security blanket 'cause yours just left you 'cause you weren't cool enough, or whatever. And your boyfriends and girlfriends are the same way. Don't think that they're ANY different. You are there for a label. Just there to help their status. And their sexual needs. Because aaall kids need sex! I mean, seriously, if you don't have sex, you will explode... No. Seriously. I'm not lying. All those virgins are though. Because it is FUCKING impossible for ANYONE to be a virgin in high school without being insane. Even though it is very obvious that our brains are NOT fully developed, that our BODIES are NOT fully developed, and that we as adolescence, were NOT made for SEX. We as adults were made for sex. Teenagers, not so much.
And then your parents. Oh boy, don't get me started on your parents. I don't care if they feed you, clothe you, and make you bathe. They don't love you. Never will. It's just the way it is. They don't understand. It's a different world, right? Now, parents have brought this upon themselves. Because the only reason WE don't think that they understand is because THEY refuse to let their kids know that they were anything less than perfect. Because they think that we think that if mommy or daddy did it, then it's okay for us to do it too. Even though, I've yet to meet anyone like that. But, whatever. So we go around with all these shitty ass problems and we don't go to them because THEY wouldn't understand. Because THEIR lives were just fucking peachy-ass keen. Nothing ever went wrong when they were around. And they never did anything wrong. Even though now, just fucking watch them, they do stupid shit all the time. They drink, they smoke, they fight, and they're all for status at work (although they never did that during high school). In fact, they're probably working with the same shit you are now. But they don't want to tell you. Because they're stupid. So yeah. And just watching them do stupid shit, you wanna smack them upside the head. But you won't. Because they're your parents and they feed you and you respect them (and if you don't then you need a good smacking. Be fucking respectful to your goddamn parents you stupid shits!) so you would never hit them. 'Cause that would be meeean...
So, yeah, life fucking bloooows... But, you know, fucking deal with it. Don't start your whining shit with your fake ass friends about how horrible your life is. And then OH MY GODS, start having a contest on who had the worst night. Grow the fuck up! Bitching does nothing more than piss people off!
Yeah, ironic right? I do it a lot. But, I have my reasons. Because I don't bitch to my fake ass friends. I don't talk to my mum. All I have in this great big world is me, and my readers. So yeah, I bitch. It's a diary. It's a diary on the internet (counter-productive? Yes) and I write it for nothing more than your entertainment. And if what I say pisses you off, don't read it.
But, anyway. Just, ignore all the shit that goes on. Because it could be worse. You could be terminally ill in a third world country, watching your brother die because you can't afford medication, and no one would ship it to you anyway. You could be an orphan, living on the streets. But you have your comfy little shelter, with your comfy little computer, with your comfy little internet, wrapped up in your comfy little blanket while people just blocks away die because it's too cold and they haven't eaten. Count your blessings bitches, 'cause it could always be worse.
So quit cuttin' your wrists, quit whining in your $70 pants about how horrible your life is. You couldn't drive your car to Hot Topic or wherever because you had homework that you didn't finish. At least you have a car. And you have clothes.

And guess what, you have an education.

My Opinions

My Values

I do not care if you do drugs. I do not care if you smoke. I do not care if you drink. I don't care if you get high every night before you go to bed. I do not care what you do to yourself. I do not care if you kill yourself... I'd rather you didn't. But it's your life. I do, however, care what you do to others. Do not make someone else do your crappy habits. And do not try to sway them away from theirs. We are all human (for the most part) and we all deserve to live our life however we want. So everyone just needs to leave everyone else alone. Quit "caring" about other people. Because you're just pissing them off that you're trying to undermine their authority over their life. Just, leave people alone. Do not kill people... Unless it's a face for an eye thing... Like, revenge... I don't like revenge. But I understand that if someone killed your Mum, you're probably gonna be a bit pissed... But other than that, leave people alone. And for you who killed his/her mum, leave people alone God you're such a fucking bitch!

That's all... ^=^ And I think that that goes with every other opinion I could possible have.

My Life

<.< >.> I bitch a loooot on this thing...

Why ruin a perfectly good tradition?

I wanna go back. I want to live in Longmont. I have nothing here. Nobody to care for me and lovel me. No one to tell me that I'm stupid and ask for advice at the same time. JM has left for Montana (not South Dakota, mind you). And I'll see him twice a year at best. Nekko will be gone next year, making Brit depressed. Brandon will be going to college next year... And everyone else is partially creepy. Partially mind you... My mom works in Longmont. Her boyfriend lives in Longmont. And every weekend, she's up in Longmont seeing him. But she absolutely refuses to move back... I have NO idea why. Everything is up there. None of us have anything here. Our lives revolve around Longmont. And yet we stay in this hell-hole!
I do not understand it. I was in Longmont just as long as I've lived in Loveland. And you'd think I'd "warm up" to it, as my mum used to put it by now. These have probably been the worst three years of my life... without the worst person in my life... What happens when he moves back and becomes over-ruling? In the worse place ever. I have no idea why I even try at life anymore. No matter what happens, things just get worse...

I don't belong here. I love the people... but this is not my home... I want to go back. Hug my friends. I love my friends. I love them so much. I shouldn't have to say good bye to them every time I go to see them, wondering the next time I'll see them. My support system shouldn't be in another fucking city!

I don't like myself. I don't like it here. I don't like the schools. I don't like the society. I don't... like... it.

My Life

He's left. I watched him leave. But it didn't really click. Didn't quite figure out that no one would be waiting for me at the park. No one would steal my internet or get all pouty when I didn't wanna cuddle with him. No one to watch play Halo 3 and stay an adamant Spyro fan. No one to say "I love you" and get the cold reply "Whatever" back. No wonder he wasn't sad when he left. Even told me he was happy he was leaving. He might not have meant it... but he probably did. It was all my fault. I wanted to tell him how much I was going to miss his smell. And instead I yelled at him for not having any pants on.
I don't think she cares for me anymore. I talked too much about him. She got her facts straight. She thinks we would be a bad idea. We probably would. But... it'd be nice. To be able to hug her as more than a friend. To play something more than pretend.
It'd be nice to go to sleep and know that someone loves you as much as you love them.

My life

I dunno man... it's all the same shit... I dunno what the hell I'm doing... about anything... and usually, it doesn't really matter. But I dunno. I've got a lot on my mind. And only two people influencing my life. I love them both... God I wish I could tell them. I wish I could say how I feel. How much they both really mean to me...
How, when he leaves, I'll cry. And I don't know if I'll ever stop. I'll wish him by my side and be so depressed when he doesn't come. The only time he's not there for me. He doesn't understand. It's not his fault. I don't talk. It's not what I do. But he's so... just... awesome... He's comfortable. He's a non-conformist. He's absolutely insane. But knows what's going on. We talk a lot, but I have something I need to tell him. It's really important, but I don't know how to do it. It'll be all awkward and weird. And the whole time I'll be thinking about how comfy he is and how every night, before I go to sleep, I think of him, and wish he were by my side, sleeping next to me, keeping me warm and all the monsters away. But I need to tell him something completely different. Or else she'll never talk to me again. I need her in my life. I need her worse than I need air. If she's not in my life for three minutes, I start to worry. I text her during class, just to make sure she's okay. She keeps falling in love with the wrong person. And it really makes me sad. I understand why... but I just wish I could somehow rewire her. Not because I want her. But because she shouldn't have to feel that pain. She really is a wonderful person. She's beautiful and doesn't understand how much she really means to everyone. She makes me so depressed. I feel like she's trying to tell me something. She always talks about how she's almost always so alone. And how she wouldn't be alone if it weren't for the fact that I was in a different town. And it hurts. It hurts real bad. My absence causes her pain. I wish it didn't.
So now I'm torn between the two. I love them both, almost unhealthily. I'm co-dependent on both of them, and their company. He's leaving soon, or should be. I really hope he doesn't... I'll never sleep as well... I left her... I wish I hadn't... I wish we'd stayed friends. All through-out that time. So that I wouldn't want to have moved at all no matter what. But do I really? I mean... if I hadn't moved... I wouldn't have met him... I'd still probably be in my other relationship, and my heart would ache for her but I wouldn't be able to do anything about it... Why does everything happen this way?

She's sleeping behind me. She left me alone. I picked her over him. I never see her, and I was beginning to miss her hair. It really is a very pretty blonde. She's had a long night. I couldn't go... I almost want to cry. I wasn't able to see her all night in her pretty dress. It's too low-cut. but I'd never get defensive about her. I'd just poke fun at the fact that her boobs were gonna fall out. She made it less though. That made me a bit more comfortable. She didn't dance with any guys. Just a bunch of her friends. It's really sad though. I bet everyone was secretly looking at her. In her pretty red dress. But she picked the one person in the room. The one that everyone hates. And he hates her. She picked the one person who just can't happen... It's enough to make you cry. You feel horrible. You want to help. You want to say that it'll pass. But it won't. She's been wired. Her heart's been given to him, and he won't give it back. I should go to his house and demand for it back. In anyway possible. My ex has no right. He needs to give it back. He doesn't even know he has it... she needs it though! More than he does! A lot more! And then she'd be able to give it to who she wanted it to go to... To who she loved... and who loved her back... someone who she deserves. Not some scum who doesn't even know what he missed.

I don't know where he is... or what he's doing... It'll either deal with video games or girls. I hope it's video games. I hope he's killing everything that moves. He's cute when he's determined. And he gets mad if you distract him. It's adorable. He thinks that I laugh at him. I'm really not. I just smile. How can I not? He just makes me so happy when I'm around him. I hit him a lot. It hurts when I do. I don't like causing him pain. But I stay tough. I don't say sorry. I sniff the tears back down and struggle to not kiss him better. I feel so bad when he apologieses. He's never done anything wrong. And then he's not happy. I wish he'd stay happy. I wish he'd ignore that I had hit him. I wish I hadn't hit him. He didn't do anything wrong.
You never understand how jealous you really are until you have the two most important people in your life, engaging in a nearly sexual manner, and you're just pissed off... you don't know who at, you don't know what about. But dammit her hands should not be down his pants. Her hands have never been down anyone's pants... So why is it now that her hands are down his? I haven't even done that...yet... at the time...
I don't think I'll ever get the two together again. I don't think I'd deal with it well. I'm apparently very territorial. Anyway, I have to sleep now. I was told to return early tomorrow... I hope I do... early enough. And at the right place. I wouldn't wish to disappoint him again. I don't take disappointing people easily.

My Life

Dude. I don't fucking know. I'm really tired... or am I? I'm in a good mood... or am I bullshitting myself? I need to figure that out. I'm whining to everyone except who I should whine to. And that fucking pisses me off. When did I become such a goddamn son of a bitch? Hm? Please, just answer me that. I hate people who bitch about their problems but won't do anything about it. And I do it now. I always have. God fucking dammit!

I'm ripped. Seriously... ripped to serious shit. Indifferent... Fuck that bullshit. No one's indifferent. It doesn't fucking make sense. Something always affects you in some way or another.

You people need to get a fucking life. Quit reading my bullshit. Don't listen to my whining. You don't know me. You don't know what's wrong with me. You don't know my pains. You don't know my joys. You don't even know my fucking name. Quit stalking me. Fucking talk to me. Don't be an ass. Don't play games. Don't fuck with my head. I'll fuck you up. Leave me the hell alone. But stay by my side. I love you. No I fucking don't! You shredded my heart. How fucking dare you. You ass! I would never say that... I love you... I hope you fucking die.

Quit reading my shit. Don't bitch to me. Fuck off.