Chapter Three: Settling Soul and Relapses

(So- I looked everywhere for the name of Kevin's sisters and couldn't find them. So, I made them up! It's fanfic, I'm entitled lol. Also, some obscure details in this about characters has come from Kevin Ryan's blog.)

7:30 A.M. Saturday – Case 8 days cold

Detective Kevin Ryan woke up to the sound of a beeping and he threw his hand out instinctively expecting to connect with the top of an alarm clock. Instead he smashed his phone and it fell clattering to the floor beside the twin bed. "Mmm," he growled under his breath and sat up, rubbing his eyes and catching his surroundings.

The guest bedroom Javier had him set up in was small but comfortable. It had a TV so that was nice. Tossing the sheets off of his boxer clad body; Kevin leaned over the edge and snatched up his phone turning it off. He climbed out of the bed and pulled on the pair of discarded jeans next to the bed. Walking out to the main section of the apartment Kevin found that it was quiet and still; Javier must have still been in bed. He smiled in relief, wanting to get ready for work without having the tense talk with his partner. They'd said they would forget about Kevin's break-down-kiss but something like that wasn't easily put aside.

Kevin knew most of the apartment so finding breakfast wasn't hard. He downed a bowl of Chex and half a glass of orange juice before poking around for an ironing board and iron. Actually, he was thoroughly surprised that Javier had one. Pulling it into the guest bedroom, Kevin dug through his bag of clothes and pulled out a pale pink button up. He hadn't worn more colorful clothing in a while; perhaps it was time to try and get some normality back into his life. It could maybe calm him down as he continued to look into his sister's case.

The brief thought of what Javier would say about him continuing the cold case flitted through his brain and a pang of nervousness ran through him. Kevin really didn't want to ruin their partnership but he was doing a damn fine job at just that. He wasn't sure how much longer Javier would be able to stand him.

Laying the button up on the board, Kevin dragged the iron over it and watched the wrinkles smooth out of the fabric. He was careful, meticulous even, and it felt good again to fall into the natural routine of putting his outfit together for the day. Setting the iron up to cool, Kevin headed for the bathroom with a little bag.

Running steaming water, Kevin set out his razor and shaving cream, his face wash and a wash cloth. Taking the blade he ran it evenly and gently over his skin, shaving off a few days worth of laziness. Picking up the cloth and cleanser after shaving he washed away remnants of the hardships of the last week.

Standing a few minutes later in front of a mirror near the closet in the guest room, Kevin straightened the collar of his shirt and tightened his tie. He looked good again. He felt good again. Now that he had perceived confidence back it was time to try and face the awkwardness of small talk with a man he'd kissed last night and try to pretend he hadn't done that. Kevin could hear Javier moving around the apartment, getting himself ready, too.

Moving out of the room and towards the kitchen he watched his partner turn around and watch him enter the room. Kevin stood in the doorway, staring back at Javier and forcefully cracking a tight smile. "Morning," he offered to the silence of the room.

"Yeah, you look good bro. Apparently getting away from Jenny did you some good." Javier smiled slightly obviously trying too hard to keep their minds off of last night.

8:45 A.M. Saturday

Kevin sat at his desk flipping through a file of half-finished paperwork from the last few days. His computer was slowly coming to life as he leaned back in wait. His plan today, granted there wasn't an emergency case springing up, was to get all of his extra paper work caught up so some semblance of normality would be had in the office space at least.

Javier Esposito was at his own desk and there was definite tension between the two of them though they tried to hide it. What had happened at Javier's was not for anyone else to know about, especially not Castle. Then they wouldn't hear the end of it. Kevin snuck a glance over at his partner and saw him typing away frantically at some form or another. It looked like it dealt with the arrest he'd made yesterday. Kevin noted the way Javier's eyebrows creased tightly together and his mouth hung just slightly open in his concentration. He almost looked like he was pouting at the computer.

Hearing a beep from his own, Kevin looked back and saw some web pages springing up, as if someone had shut it down with them still loaded up. He cocked an eyebrow and heard his partner shifting in his chair. "Castle?" Esposito's voice carried easily over the mostly empty office space.

Kevin scoffed as he saw a page of porn, pretty explicit, pop up. "Gotta be. He hasn't done this to me in a while so I'm not really surprised." The smile the touched the corners of Kevin's lips gave away his amusement at Castle's pranks.

Javier laughed sitting back and pushing the paper file across his desk. "He did give you fair warning you know."

"Right, just spouting out randomly one day that my computer is used for porn is warning?" Kevin looked over at Javier, pushing the mouse up to the "x" button. "If that is a warning, it's not really a fair one." The smile was growing over his face. The easy conversation of the office was breaking the quiet tension they'd been in almost since waking up.

Something came flying from Javier's hand and hit Kevin square in the chest. It was an eraser from the end of a pencil. He picked it up and stared at it slightly confused until Javier's voice drew his attention in that direction. "Ah, come on, it's Castle. He's too pretentious for an actual warning. Or you know- normal conversation. He's gunna screw it all up somehow, man."

"Point," Kevin murmured and chucked the eraser back just in time for Becket to walk in.

"You two really can't be left alone, can you?" she said sitting down with a playful glare. She looked Kevin, well dressed and clean shaven, up and down with a half of a smirk.

"You've no idea," Kevin whispered lightly hoping she wouldn't actually hear anything he'd said. Sometimes he just really couldn't filter out what his mind wanted him to say. Some things shouldn't be spoken out loud.

Javier sat up and tossed the eraser at her. "You and Castle cause more problems than Ryan and I do. I'm sure Montgomery would back me up on that." He grinned wickedly at her.

"Hey now, that's all Castle." She put on a defensive frown as she caught the flying eraser.

Kevin cocked an eyebrow and felt for a moment that maybe he should duck. Of course, that thought came too late as the eraser hit him in the middle of the forehead. "Thanks for that Becket." Javier and Becket were both laughing heartily. This felt right. This felt good. Funny, Jenny was nowhere in his mind except the brief moment of realizing he wasn't worried about her in the least.

Picking up a stress ball since the eraser went missing somewhere underneath his desk, Kevin squeezed it and leaned back in his chair watching his two co-workers. "Since there's no case today I take it Castle isn't coming in?" He looked at Becket expecting her to have all the answers considering it was concerning Castle.

"I haven't called him…" she glanced over at Kevin with questions in her eyes.

"Mm, guess I can't yell at him for this yet then." Kevin shrugged it off and pulled up actual work with the hand that wasn't occupied.

Becket looked over at Javier since Kevin seemed to have clamed up. "What's he talking about? What did Castle do now?"

He glanced at Javier was who boisterously jumping in with the details and felt doubt and unease settling back in his chest. Kevin couldn't help the fear he had. He was very comfortable here, with his partner, and Becket and Castle. Now his mind was muddled with thoughts he shouldn't be having. Setting his sharp blue eyes intently on the screen, Kevin drowned out the other two's conversation and leaned in. He dropped the stress ball and pounded away at the keys, folder still open next to him. He was now determined to get his work caught up with. Kevin needed a sense of familiarity back in his life. He'd done well this morning and he didn't want to lose the momentum he'd gained.

12:51 P.M. Saturday

Kevin was scribbling in his notebook when Richard Castle walked in that afternoon. It was close to one o'clock and Kate and Javier were sitting at her desk joking around. All three turned a bit to watch him stroll in holding something in his hand. Another book.

"I just got the publishing company to take on another book. It's a spin-off of the Nikki Heat series!" Rick's face was beaming brightly as he held up the cover. It had the silhouette of two male cops, back to back with their guns raised.

Javier's eyebrows lurched upwards in question. "Castle, is that…" he looked at the cover and then up to Rick.

Rick shrugged his shoulders upwards and let them fall quickly. "Well, my readers were so taken with the Detectives Raley and Ochoa in the Heat series that they wanted more of them. So I made a mini-series consisting of three books just for them." His smile was broader than when he'd first walked in.
Kevin rolled his eyes and shook his head before turning his eyes back to the notebook he was scribbling in. The relaxed and playful atmosphere that was forming was allowing for Kevin to breathe and relax. His life was moving in a new direction and he had to figure it out before too long. The set up with Javier could not be permanent. Even though the tension had dissipated here, he had a feeling it would pick right back up once they were alone in Javier's apartment. Javier hadn't yet flung him to the streets or requested a new partner, but it had only been one night.

Kevin had to admit, to himself at least, that their shared kiss had his mind reeling with thoughts today. What connection did he really have to Jenny? It was nice for a while, cute and fun, very flirty but there wasn't anything deep. He honestly didn't know where Jenny saw herself in five years time. He hadn't known where he and Jenny would have been in five years from now. There was never talk of marriage or kids. Javier and Kevin on the other hand, talked about the future all the time. They talked about their lives, their wants, their dreams… they joked that Kevin would end up taking over Montgomery's job while Javier retired early to some beach down in Florida. Kevin knew though, from their private conversations that Javier wanted something much different than all that. Javier wanted someone to spend the rest of his life with and he wanted to stay a detective as long as he could. Kevin knew his partner loved his job and knew he'd make an extremely passionate lover to someone.

Tuning back in, Kevin heard Castle's deep voice in the throes of some story or another. "…to be the sister. He was less than pleased when he found out I was the one over."

Javier was laughing uproariously, clutching one arm over his stomach and folding in on himself in the chair by Kate's desk. Becket on the other hand was shaking her head and flicking a pen between her fingers. "You're such a brute, Castle." Her voice carried surprisingly well over Javier's laughter and brought a slight frown to Rick's face.

"Hey, she's the one that asked me out first," he defended himself but not all that well.

A small snicker left Kevin as he watched Castle pout. After a few moments of silence, Kevin spoke up. "Anyone want coffee while I'm up?" he asked pushing his seat back and glancing towards the extensive coffee machine Rick had bought the precinct.

Castle held up the cup he was clutching from when he'd walked in with the book. "I'm all set," he said and watched Javier stand up. As soon as Kevin's partner moved away from his seat, Rick slipped in it.

Javier looked down at Castle's grin and over at Kevin. Shrugging his shoulders he said, "Well, might as well go with you now." He tossed an elbow back and caught Rick's upper arm with it.

"Hey, you moved. I claimed it." Rick Castle snorted with a quick ring of laughter.

"I'm good," Kate said pulling up her vibrating phone and checking it. She flipped it open and answered. "Hey Lani. What's up?" she asked. A moment's pause and Becket was getting up and heading for the stairs to the morgue. "Come on Castle," she said not turning back to look at him. Of course, Rick was out of his seat as if someone had lit fire to it.

Moving towards the small back room that held the coffee machine, Kevin could feel Javier at his back. That comforting warmth was back. He had to close his eyes for a moment to collect himself before speaking up again. "Mind if we pick up the paper before heading back to your apartment tonight so I can look for a place?" he asked glancing over his shoulder at his partner.

Javier nodded a little and moved around him to grab two cups. He handed one over to Kevin and didn't let it go, holding it between the two of them so their attention was focused on one another. "I've got that extra bedroom and can always use help with rent." He let his fingers uncurl from the cup and eased back, his hip resting against the counter. "I mean, you can take your time if you'd like."

Grabbing the things to put together a latté Kevin nodded with an easy smile. "Thanks, Javi." He set his cup under one of the dispensers and held his hand out for Javier's. Taking it from him he set up his drink as well and looked back over at the other man. "I have a feeling we're going to lose a lot of nights to Madden."

"I also picked up a few new games." Javier's grin was broad, his brown eyes flickering with long repressed excitement. Kevin liked this look, one he'd missed from the easier times in the precinct. "We've got a lot to catch up on, man."

"No kiddin'," Kevin breathed out easily. Maybe that worry about tension later on was misplaced. They seemed to be back on the easy track of partners and best friends. Kevin decided it would be best to push all thoughts of the kiss aside and do as he said, forget about it. It was nothing but a flash of a mistake in their friendship and could be overlooked quite effectively.

The sudden burst of beeping from their pagers made both men look down and frown. "Damn it, always when the coffee is done…" Javier hit his pager to get it to shut up and grabbed his steaming cup of latté, taking a large gulp of its contents.

Kevin watched with a grimace waiting for Javier to pull back with a curse and red lips and tongue from the hot liquid that had just invaded his mouth. He had silenced his own pager now and was holding his cup, not yet taking a drink of it. "You know, we could probably drink these in the car on the way over…" he said over the gasp from his partner. "Make Becket drive."

Javier chuckled and held the cup to his mouth again. "Yeah, there's that idea." He blew across the top of it and waited on the second gulp.

Ryan and Esposito moved across the first floor towards the desks where they could pick up their things and wait on Becket and Castle.

Sunday 9 P.M. – Case 9 day cold

Sunday nights, Kevin thought, were always good nights since they had the next two days off. That meant he didn't feel guilty tossing back his fourth beer of the night with no sign of stopping there. Javier was already on his sixth. They were lounging on the couch, controllers discarded on the table and laughs echoing around the large room. "Did you see the look on Castle's face when Becket took that guy down?" Javier snickered and laughed around the top of his beer bottle.

Kevin gave a breathy chuckle and nodded. "I'm still not sure how he hasn't gotten his arm twisted up like that." There were laughing crow's feet in the corner of Kevin's eyes. He hadn't felt this good in a while.

After the two settled into a comfortable silence of drinking and Javier deciding to flip through the television stations, Kevin looked over at his partner. "Hey Javi, you got plans for your vacation time?" he asked curiously.

Javier lowered the remote once he'd landed on some show with explosions and fast cars and returned Kevin's glance. "Not really. You got some big idea?" he asked

The blue eyed cop heaved his shoulders up and down in a shrug. "Not really, just thinking it would be nice to get out of the city for a while." He kept his eyes on his partner. "Also thought company would be nice. Maybe Castle would be willing to put us up in his house in the Hamptons. We could drag Becket along, too." Kevin's smile was warm and interested, the slight shifting forward of his body a hopeful movement.

"Heh, yeah if Castle's got a place for us, I'm totally in bro." Javier downed the last of his bottle and set it on the table. "You know he's always trying to get us to do stuff. I'm sure a vacation at his rich guy mansion would make him excited." He twisted his lips and flared his nose in a quick and sudden thought. "Becket might not go along with it though…"

Kevin shifted and scratched his head. "You don't think so? Castle and the bikini issue?"

Javier nodded exaggeratedly. "You know he'd be all over her to get into a bikini down there." A smile twitched the corner of his lips. " 'course I'd be congratulating the man if he could get her in one."

A laugh escaped Kevin's lips though his chest was taut all of a sudden. "She's certainly got the body for it. You think she even owns one?"

Kevin was very amused at that jackknifed movement Javier's eyebrows do when he's about to express some happy dispute or spew some joke. "You think she doesn't? If I had to guess, the only bathing suit Kate Becket owns is a two piece."

"Well, no harm in asking," Kevin said topping off his beer. "Want another?" he questioned getting to his feet with full intent on another for himself.

Javier looked at him with an expression that read, "are you mental?" and it made Kevin pause. "No harm in asking Becket if she wears a bikini? Ha! I'll let you do that one all on your own, man." He was laughing during Kevin's response but still heard him and laughed louder.

"Oh, 'til the wheels fall off, huh? Besides, I meant asking Castle about the vacation…" Kevin huffed and headed for the kitchen, still awaiting an answer from his partner. "Javi, beer?" he prompted as he stood in front of the fridge, door open and Kevin half slung over it as he bent over to look for another couple of bottles.

Suppressing the rest of his laughter, Javier looked over the couch and into the doorway of the kitchen where he could clearly see Kevin draped over his refrigerator. "Sure, yeah." He coughed another brief laugh.

Kevin smiled though he fought not to and grabbed two beer bottles. Tonight was good.

Monday 11:42 P.M. – Case 10 days cold

Kevin sat on the floor; there was more room there for one. Two, it wasn't as comfortable as the bed so his body wouldn't make him fall asleep when he didn't want to. On the bed was a mostly empty box, labeled "Karli Ryan". On the floor, spread around Kevin, were the contents of the box. He stared at the warrant of arrest for some man who'd ended up having an air tight alibi that even Castle couldn't fandangle into some complex scheme of guilt.

Drawing his hand up to his forehead, he dug his fingers into his temples then rubbed his eyes. "Come on Kev, what are you missing? It's all right here…" he picked up a couple of crime scene photos and held them up next to one another, blue eyes watery and dull as they searched for some missed detail. He threw them back down and picked up some of the police reports, shuffling through the pile over and over again, reading snippits, and stopping at details that caught his eye.

Tossing those papers aside with a sharp flick of his wrist Kevin ground his teeth and looked around himself again, trying to find something to focus his attentions on. There had to be something in this pile that could give him a lead, a new insight, anything. He threaded his fingers into his hair and gripped tightly in irritation, barely noting the strokes of pain that licked through him with the action.

Javier stirred from his sleep, the need of a bathroom pushing him from the warmth of his blankets. Opening up the door he found the guest room was cracked open and a light was brightly shinning from it. He couldn't really think of a reason why Kevin would still be up. They'd both called it quits that night pretty early.

Curiously, Javier made his way down the hall as quietly as he could manage. Fortunately he knew the place well enough to be able to overstep the creaky spots in the floor. Leaning against the wall in a t-shirt and his boxers, Javier listened carefully in case he was about to listen in on something he shouldn't be. The rustle of papers hit his ears and he held his breath trying to hear the subtle, dim noises escaping the cracked door. There was a mild curse followed by the sharp hiss of a quick, pained inhale.

Curiosity turned concern, Javi glanced in and saw Kevin sticking a finger in his mouth as a piece of paper fluttered to the floor in front of him. Javier's eyes followed the paper to the ground and along the edge he saw a line of crimson red liquid beading on it. Paper cut. Javier felt more relaxed at the delicate wound and took the time to really look at what lay around his partner. Fortunately Kevin was profile to Javier and not paying one bit of attention to his partly opened door. Javier noted the box on the bed, the name, and the crime scene photos splayed at Kevin's knees. "Oh, Ryan…" he murmured and pulled back. It wasn't his place to be here. Not right now.

Making a quick retreat to the bathroom, Javier felt tension building in his forehead. He'd have a headache for sure tomorrow; hopefully he could stave off the negative temperament that normally came with one.

Wednesday 2:13 P.M.- Case 12 days cold

Kevin Ryan was sitting at his desk, phone tucked against his ear as he listened to a woman spewing a story about an alien abduction and missing daughter. He had his pen in his notebook, scribbling down details about names and addresses while skipping over the alien part. Though he might have found it fun to debate with Castle, until they had a scene that may look like an alien abduction, he took it as crazy talk. He'd gotten so many of these calls over the years as a cop that he knew when to take it at face value. Granted, the woman seemed to need help so he wouldn't just ignore it as nothing, he just wouldn't proceed without evidence. Becket would murder him with one of her lucky elephants on her desk.

Nodding despite not believing too much, Kevin tapped his pen on his notebook and glanced around. Becket and Castle were still out on some case and Javier…actually Kevin wasn't sure where his partner was.

Leaning over the desk and shifting, Kevin felt his back crack and barely suppressed a relieved sigh from the sudden lack of tension. He would have probably heard it to if the woman weren't yelling at him about his incompetence. He nodded along with her words as if agreeing while starting to sketch on his notepad. The woman had gone from helpless crazy to right out bat-shit crazy now. "Always me…" he muttered and immediately regretted it. The woman went into hysterics and Kevin was just about to pull the receiver from his ear when a loud crash announced the woman slamming down her own phone back on the hook.

Kevin cringed then nearly jumped out of his skin when a large hand fell on his shoulder. Glancing over it he chuckled. Javier was standing there with a cup of steaming coffee and he was holding it out to Kevin. "Thanks, man. I need it," he said accepting it was two steady hands then hunching over it.

"Yeah, that sounded painful. Your mother?" Javier teased with a raking grin and bumped into Kevin's shoulder.

A scoff answered that. "I could only wish. I at least wouldn't get hung up on." Kevin smiled. His blue eyes were lacking the brightness they'd gained these few days.

Javier sat on the corner of Kevin's desk and stared at him for a moment. "Look, I know we're dudes, and there's the bro code of keep your feelings to yourself but…" Javier looked away. "You know we've always been able to talk to each other 'bout anything." This felt intrusive, but after the other night Javier felt something needed to be said.

Kevin leaned back in his chair, more for adding distance than out of seeking a comfortable position. "Yeah, I know." He paused for a moment and watched Javier. When his partner looked back at him he probed, "Something you needed to talk about?" he asked hoping Javier wasn't questioning something he was doing or had done.

Brown eyes burned disappointment and Javier took in a deep breath. "No, I was referring to…you. The other night…" Javier forced himself to keep looking at his partner as he spoke. He didn't want to distance himself from this topic; he wanted it clear that he was going to support his best friend through the shit he was dealing with.

Kevin felt concern washing over him as he stared back at Javier. He had a feeling he knew what was being brought up and he was tensing under the topic. He didn't want Javier to hate him. He didn't want to get kicked out from another place, not after things were starting to look up outside of his sister's case. Progress. He couldn't lose the progress.

"I saw you in the room, with the evidence box. You can't go about this alone and Becket would back me up. It almost broke her and I'd prefer not to have to pick up the pieces, man. You're a great partner, a great friend, so you know I would do it but I'd rather be let in now so it's not so hard later." Javier knew his concern was giving him the courage to approach Kevin about this and he hoped that Kevin saw that, too. He reached out and laid a hand on Kevin's shoulder, brown eyes locking with blue eyes.

The feel of the heavy hand clasping his shoulder had Kevin sucking in a wrenching breath and he felt the warmth from it spreading through the rest of him. Staring into Javier's eyes was a complicated comfort. He wanted to look away, to hide his weakness, but he was drawn in by something in them. Kevin could depend on Javier; he'd always been able to depend on his partner. "Yeah," he said and broke the eye contact, looking down. "I can't let it go, Javi. She's…she was my sister."

"She is your sister, man. And look, I've been thinking…" Javier pulled back and Kevin immediately craved the warmth of the lacking hand. "It's been hell trying to find a place for you, I've got plenty of space, and I'd love to have a more frequent bar buddy." Javier offered him a smile.

Kevin looked up, catching the drift of the conversation. "It would be less of a stress to not have to look for a place for a while." He shrugged and grabbed his coffee, sipping at it. "But that's totally your choice, bro. I'm the road kill," he grinned.

Chapter Four: Looking Glass Partner
RRW: On the Time of Day
Raine's Random FanFiction
Raine's Random Writing