chuck norris is god



Chuck Norris officially changed his middle name to 'fucking'

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Every time someone mentions the 'Virgin Mary', Chuck Norris lets out a little laugh.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Superman has a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can watch '60 Minutes' in twenty minutes.

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Chuck Norris

On a high school math test, Chcuk Norris put down "Roundhouse kicks" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because chuck norris solves all his problems with roundhouse kicks

If Rosa Parks was in Chuck Norris' seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.

Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
Because Chuch Norris can do whatever the fuck he wants

Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or God?

Trick question; Chuck Norris is God

Chuck Norris can get MacDonalds breakfast at 1pm

Chuck Norris can run the four minute mile in 10 seconds

In America Chuck Norris can kick anyone's ass. In Russia...he still can

The eruption of Mt. St. Helens was actually caused by the force of Chuck Norris' wrist hitting the table the first and only time he lost an arm-wrestling match. His opponent was Optimus Prime, and it was a close one.

Circles exist because Chuck Norris kicked the crap out of some squares.

Chuck Norris was the original Danny Tanner on the hit family sitcom, "Full House". He was replaced by Bob Saget after an unfortunate incident with one of the Olsen triplets.

Chuck Norris once took a dump. We now call it North Dakota.

In the average living room there are 1,284 things Chuck Norris can kill you with, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris built this city on Rock and Roll.

Chuck Norris ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

Chuck Norris owns the dog from Duck Hunt.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris goes deer hunting with a fork.

Chuck Norris traveled back in time and impregnated every student in a Florida sorority house. Nine months later, the girls gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike Bar.

Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reese's

In the 6th Grade, Chuck Norri's english teacher made him write an essay on "Courage." Chuck just wrote "Chuck Norris" and handed in the paper. He got an A+.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Once Chuck Norris 'pops' opens a tube of pringles he can stop

time waits for no man unless that man is chuck norris




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