[Mama Kelli]'s diary

136489  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2015-12-17
Written: (1450 days ago)

aaaauuugghhh. i'm sick of this shit!!!! my mother in law keeps trying to slowly kill herself by getting so fucking sick no one can help her and then spews shit saying random crap that isn't true. like saying tristen is out on the street in a gang or that she is being abused at the home. that is on her because she was the one stripping down to nothing and laying on the god damn floor in the hallway at the home then fighting the nurses and aides when they get her up off the floor and dressed again. she knows tristen is a lazy ass couch potato that plays video games. now the cops are gonna be investigating how she's being taken care of.

136431  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2015-01-18
Written: (1783 days ago)

dating never prepares you for the long haul of marriage. i have found myself being weak and giving up on myself and my husband's marriage. actively looking to cheat... even making half assed plans with someone. im ashamed. i didnt go through with it though. dating only gave me 1 year of happiness at a time. never continueous stability with one person. even in those single years.... never monogamous always there was another person either for me or the other half of my relationship.

136419  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2014-11-22
Written: (1840 days ago)

What is the user in caring. My mother in law had dementia and resents every one cause she can't be on her own so she sabotages her health with salt and sleeping to much. My sister in law is a heroin addict and a pot head. Keeps claiming she'll get clean straight and stay that way. ... them once she's clean she puts herself back where she was that got her started.

136358  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2014-08-30
Written: (1923 days ago)

so on thursday my ex girlfriend from highschool married my ex boyfriend from highschool. My husband and i attended. I ended up bawling like a baby. I love my husband and would do anything for him. as much as i love my husband... i love the bride and groom as well.... i feel torn and hurt and utterly horrible because i know that i should not feel this way. I am commited to my husband and have been for the 4 years we have been together and the 2 years we have been married. Hell i even quit talking to my ex girlfriend for 2 years because he felt insecure about me talking to her due to the romantic history we had.

136303  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2014-05-10
Written: (2036 days ago)

Mother in law moved home. brother in law decided he no longer has to listen but when is that not normal for a lazy 13 year old boy. yesterday was my 2nd anniversary with my husband but he ruined the day. he belittled me saying i don't help out or do anything around the house or with his mother and brother. which is complete shit because all i do every day is make sure they eat and take their medications and cook clean and do laundry. sure i don't do things like some sort of ocd/anal freak. my seizures are pretty bad these days. i don't have the strength or stamina to do everything that needs to be done. like mow the lawn and clean out the carport. my house was owned by hoarders (my mother and father in law) so i certainly can't clean the house out and make it pristine. i can only do so much.

136108  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2014-02-18
Written: (2117 days ago)

well my mom in law is going to be coming home sometime in the near future... which isn't good for her tbh. and as of today my sister in law is moved back into our house so she can get clean and move on with her life. but she's going to be going through withdrawals.

135995  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2013-12-25
Written: (2172 days ago)

Everynight I put my brother in law to bed and I sit with him as he fights to stay awake. Most nights he loses t

he battle quickly. Other nights he wakes up often with nausea or hungry or scared he is home alone. He fights me about bed time even when he agrees to iduring the afternoon or evening. I don't get his brother or moms help with the fighting because his mom is in a rest home and my husband works before his brothers bedtime. Getting tired of fighting him to get him to clean up after himself clean himself and go to bed or wake up on time. I'm gettin.g tired of wasting an hour or two of my might that I could be sleeping or cleaning the house to make sure that he is asleep and woolly stay that way. 
135984  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2013-12-19
Written: (2178 days ago)

I hate feeling this way. I'm stuck at home with a moody 13 year old all day everyday. I can't even go anywhere away for a few hours. No babysitter available. Husband doesn't understand how much it is affecting me. I understand he has his own battles everyday because he has to be at the rest home with his mother during the day and at work at night. He needs to undersrand that I need more than dinner and a movie out as a escape from everything. I feel like shit most days like I am not needed or anything.

135969  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2013-12-18
Written: (2179 days ago)

augh.. i hate this. i feel so out of sorts these days. the last few days i feel like i have been on an emotional roller coaster. seems like even just a grumpy look from my husband and i cry. i get mad or cry or yell at people. idk what's going on.

135938  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2013-11-29
Written: (2198 days ago)

Well I didn't burn the turkey.... My first attempt at thanksgiving dinner went well. So I am semi happy. This week has been really hard. My father in law died last week... Monday was the funeral and my mother in law is still not better. Dialysis isn't working. I'm now an instant mom over my husbands little brother. He is 13. My other brother in law is staying with us to make sure be can do all he can for us and their mom like we did for their dad (hubby and I did cpr). A cousin from Canada is here too. So we aren't alone. But it sure feels like it.

135759  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2013-07-18
Written: (2331 days ago)

i wish that we could all go back in time so that my brother in law was healthy. i love him and he's just a kid. he doesn't deserve to be so sick. hopefully he doesn't have to stay in the hospital for a long time. i hope he can come home and be healthy. i hope the doctors can find meds that will work and help him.

134598  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2012-02-07
Written: (2859 days ago)

my life has changed so much. I found the man made for me. only issue is my ex gf has been a big problem for him. she wouldn't refrain from talking to me in a way that was not just friend like. we thought the issue had been fixed because she moved out of state but i just found out she moved back to the area. we have been doing very well besides. we are planning our wedding and have a future planned. i'm so glad my life has turned around.

132270  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2011-05-15
Written: (3126 days ago)

what would you do if your ex told you he loves you...would you make sure to confirm that it's as friends or as that he misses being with you?... what if this ex happens to be your best friend and ex roommate's ex? what would you do?

132256  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2011-05-12
Written: (3130 days ago)

what is love? there are those who say it's a chemical reaction. there are others that say it is the best thing ever in the world. then there are those who speak of it like it is the plague. what if they are all right?

one touch can cause you to be nervous or soothed your heart beating faster or your breathing slows.
one glance can enflame and excite or injure and shut out.
one smile can make you feel like the most lucky person on earth
one frown can make you feel like the worst person on earth.
one smell of the scent that is theirs and you remember every moment
the lack of that scent makes you forlorn and wistful
the interlacing of fingers between your hand and theirs can make you feel comforted that all is right in the world and feel complete
a mere gesture of the hand can invite and entice or reject and abjure
the sound of their laugh sends shivers through you at how right it sounds
a single sob can wrench your heart
any physical anomaly that they have goes unnoticed or found to be attractive simply because it is part of them
no matter what they do you can't hate or despise them because the are your beloved.
knowing they react to you incites you to be over receptive to advances or emboldens you to stoke the flame of passions fires.

it's no just chemical and neither is it the greatest nor is it the worst thing to happen between you and another.
you may find it a blessing or a curse or not notice it as anything other than how you have always been with each other... as long as love is there... believe what you want. just never remove it from your life if you can help it.

132176  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2011-04-26
Written: (3145 days ago)

what do you do if the guy that got you pregnant and left you when you miscarried calls you up months later saying he misses you and wants to see you and that he's been worried? after you've lost 4 family members and been victim to sexual intercourse unwillingly with the guy that he'd introduced you to and you'd started dating? would you tell him to fuck off? or would you let him come see you because you still love him?

130939  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-12-01
Written: (3291 days ago)

Finished my course... looking for apartment and job.

130011  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-08-12
Written: (3402 days ago)

fell for someone hard. haven't mentioned it the last few entries. He and i were going to have twins but i lost them. i've been trying to avoid him like the plague but he won't let me. not easy to hide on campus and can't leave campus cept on weekends and tuesday afternoons.

129758  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-07-22
Written: (3423 days ago)

a few possibilities in relation to the love life.... dunno what i'll do or who will be the one but that's all the fun in it. had summer break at the beginning of the month. not much happened.

129396  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2010-06-22
Written: (3453 days ago)

well the shit hit the fan. i got pregnant.... lost it.... and the father said he wanted to try again but then he went and fucked his ex behind my back.

129118  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-05-20
Written: (3486 days ago)

hey y'all long time no see! it's been forever. lots of stuff going on lately. if you really care and want updates you can email me. (not bad drama if your wondering) phone broke so i had to get a new one. lost all my numbers and everything.

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