Just Plain Stupid

Some people just don't think before calling in.



"Why did you call?"
Call taken by: [Big Brother]


Tech:Bell Tech Support, how can i help you. (was tiredd by this time and only did the half-ass greating
Caller:oh, hello, my internet isn't working
Tech:can i get your user ID?
Caller:oh, i'm not a customer.
Tech:then do you want our service?
Caller:no, i'm with rogers.
Tech:then what do you need?
Caller:i need to get my internet working
Tech:sorry i can't help you, i only can help if you are using our service.
Caller:but it's all the same and i don't know rogers number.
Tech:no it's not the same, i can't access any account to look into the issue.
Caller:oh, can you call rogers and get the information?
Tech:no but you can, call (insert number here).
Caller:oh, so you don't know what's wrong?
Tech:no but rogers does, have a nice night sir. *hung up on him*



"DVD?"
Call taken by: [Orestez]


# Friend: "My DVD-ROM can't read my DVDs."
# Me: "Is the disk scratched? Is it in the drive correctly?"
# Friend: "I'm not stupid. I know all that."
# Me: "Can it read regular CDs?"
# Friend: "Yes."
# Me: "It is a DVD-ROM drive, right?"
# Friend: "Well, it's a CD-ROM drive, but it's a 48x CD-ROM drive, and DVD-ROMs only go up to 10x, so it must be fast enough."





"You just don't get it do you?"
Call taken by: [Orestez]


A customer called in. After pulling up his case, I realized that this was his fifth call to us over the last two days, all regarding the same product. He was trying to add a 3D accelerator card to his system and could not get it to work. He had spoken to us four times and to his computer manufacturer twice. It was still not functional.

  * Customer: "I hope you can help me out. I have made several calls now and cannot fix this problem."
  * Tech Support: "Well, I'll see what I can do. So, I am seeing here that the card is not being detected by your computer. Is that right?"
  * Customer: "Correct. When I boot up, Windows never detects the card. Previous techs had me run the 'Add New Hardware' wizard, and we checked the device manager, but there wasn't anything there."
  * Tech Support: "Ok. Have you tried putting the card into another slot?"
  * Customer: "What do you mean?"
  * Tech Support: "Well, if for some reason the system does not see the card in this slot, perhaps putting the card in another slot will help."
  * Customer: "How do I do that? Do I have to take it apart?"
  * Tech Support: "Yes, you will have to take the case off."
  * Customer: "Ok, just a second.... Ok, the case is off now."
  * Tech Support: "Do you have any more PCI slots free?"
  * Customer: "I am not sure."
  * Tech Support: "How many PCI slots do you have in your system?"
  * Customer: "Umm...eight."
  * Tech Support: "You have eight PCI slots in your system?"
  * Customer: "Yes."
  * Tech Support: "How many white PCI slots do you have?"
  * Customer: "Ummm...five."
  * Tech Support: "Ok. Of those five, how many have something in them?"
  * Customer: "One."
  * Tech Support: "One? And is this the accelerator card?"
  * Customer: "No. Oh hey, is that card I got supposed to fit into one of these slots?"
  * Tech Support: "Yes, that's the idea. Where is the accelerator card currently?"
  * Customer: "Well, it comes with that small black cable, so I have it on the outside of the computer, hooked up with that cable you sent with it."

I walked him through the install process, and everything was fine. This was his seventh call to some form of support, and the card never even made it into the computer. *Sigh*





"phone number please"
Call taken by: [Orestez]

  * Tech Support: "Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?"

There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.

  * Tech Support: "Hello? I need your phone number, please."

More touch tones.

  * Tech Support: "Hi, can you hear me?"
  * Customer: "Yes."
  * Tech Support: "Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?"

More touch tones.

  * Tech Support: "Sir, what's your name?"
  * Customer: [Nameless]
  * Tech Support: "Great, now can you tell me your phone number?"

Touch tones again.

  * Tech Support: "Please, tell me your phone number."
  * Customer: "Again?"
  * Tech Support: "Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?"

Touch tones yet again.

  * Tech Support: "Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?"
  * Customer: "You people are rude as well as incompetent."

Click.




"Cupholder"
Author: [Goodbye EP]


A technical support rep at Apple Computers sat down at he deak and picked up her first call of the day.


TSR :"This is Apple tech support. How may I help you today?"


Customer: "Hi! The cupholder on my new computer is jammed, and I can't close it now.


TSR: "Sir, you did say cupholder, correct?"


Customer: "Err.. Yea. It was working fine until this morning."


TSR: "O....kay. First, let me ask you a few questions. What model do you have sir?


Customer: "I have a brand new G4."


TSR: "Okay. I'm checking the specs for the G4 and I do not see a cupholder. Did you have your computer customized by the dealer?"


Customer: "No. It was my understanding that it was custom equpment. It's built right in.


TSR: ..........................


Customer: "Is there a problem?"


TSR: ...... "Sir, could you describe the location of the cupholder and how it operates?"


Customer: "Well, there's a little button beneath it, and when you press it, the cupholder pops out. It worked fine a few minutes ago, but when I put my coffee cup on it, the tray sagged and now it won't retract."


TSR: ::Sigh:: "Sir, the tray that you have been using as a cupholder is your CD-ROM drive."


Cutomer: "Oh.. well.. er.. ::hangs up phone::




"power? you need that?"
Calls taken by: [Big Brother]


Ok, i got 2 from the same night.

Member:hi, ya my internet stopped working.

Tech:ok, what lights are on the modem

Member:none

Tech:is it plugged in?

Member:let me check, i'll go get my flashlight

Tech: sir, why do you need a flashlight?

Member:oh, the power went out a few minutes ago.

Tech:well i think i know what the problem is, the modem needs power to work

The guy had a laptop and figured since that worked everything else should


Call number 2

Member:hello, i can't connect

Tech:what error are you getting?

Member:i'm not getting one

Tech:what does it say when you try to get a page on your browser

Member:i'm not sure, it's black. i can't see what's on the screen

Tech:is it on?

Member:not sure, the power went out and i can't see much

Tech:this sounds bad, you should see a tech for that, might need a new one.*i didn't know what else to say*





"What do you mean I have to wait?"
Call taken by: [RedMoon]


Tech: Thank you for calling Sympatico tech support, how can I help you?

Customer: (Obviously very angry) Yes, I was told that my internet would be working five days after I ordered it, and it's not working.

Tech: Alright, when did you order it?

Customer: Yesterday.

Tech: ... You're joking, right?

Customer: (Yelling) Do I sound like I'm joking to you?

Tech: (Puts member on mute and bursts out laughing)




"It's broken!"
Call taken by: [RedMoon]


Tech: (Standard greeting) Thank you for calling Sympatico tech support, how can I help you?

Customer: Yes, the modem you sent me has broken. It was working earlier, and now it's not.

Tech: Ok, what lights are on the modem right now?

Customer: None of them.

Tech: None?

Customer: Nope. None of them.

Tech: I see... And is the power plugged in to the back of the modem?

Customer: Let me check... (a minute passes, sounds of things being moved around) No, it wasn't. I plugged it in, and now my power light is on.

Tech: What about your ethernet or DSL lights?

Customer: No, they aren't on.

Tech: Alright, let's start with the ethernet. Is your network cable plugged in?

Customer: Let me check. (again, sounds of things being moved around) No, it wasn't. I plugged it in, and now my ethernet light is on.

Tech: But still no DSL.

Customer: No, that one is still off.

Tech: (Noticing a pattern here) Is your phone cable plugged in?

Customer: Yes.

Tech: Are you sure?

Customer: Of course.

Tech: Absolutely sure? Is it secure on both ends?

Customer: ... Let me check. (Things being moved around) No, it was unplugged. My DSL light is on now.

Tech: And does your internet work?

Customer: No, my computer won't turn on.

(And you can guess why, I'm sure.)




"She killed it."
Call taken by: [RedMoon]


- This customer was quite obviously drunk, slurring her words, not listening well, and rambling on about things. She also seemed rather religious, and went on about God for quite some time. This is how the call ended, after about 20 minutes of troubleshooting. -

Tech: Well ma'am, I think at this point, it's safe to say that your network card is dead.

Customer: ... It's... Dead?

Tech: Well, that's just a term-

Customer: OH, LORD! LORD IN HEAVEN!

Tech: Ma'am, I-

Customer: (Rambles on, saying half-correct prayers)

Tech: Listen, ma'am, your card-

Customer: I can't believe it died... Did I really kill it?

Tech: (Sighs) Yeah... Yeah, you did.




"Sexy voice?"
Call taken by: [RedMoon]


- This customer was giggling and laughing and imitating me through the whole call, which was very annoying, to say the least, but at the end, she explained why.-

Tech: (after fixing the issue) Was there anything else I could help you with?

Customer: ... Is this call being recorded?

Tech: Uh... Possibly. Why?

Customer: Well, I didn't want to say it, but I will, and if it is recorded, you and your supervisor or whatever can laugh about it later. I just wanted to say, that you sound exactly like this guy I talk to on a sex chat line. He likes being dominated.

Tech: ...

Customer: And if anyone is listening, don't pay attention to me, because I am so totally stoned right now...



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