Thanks to [Chainer] for this joke

It's Christmas Eve, and three men stumble out of a bar and drive home. On the way there, the car hits a tree and all three are killed instantly.

They wind up in front of the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter comes up to them and says "Being that it's Christmas Eve, if you show me something Christmas-related, you can all get in."

The first man searches his pockets and comes up with a handful of pine needles from decorating his tree. St. Peter nods and says "Great, go on in."

The second man searches his pockets and pulls out some ribbons and bows from last minute present wrapping. He shows them to St. Peter, who replies "Good job, go on in."

The third man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of panties, handing them to St. Peter. Peter looks at them and says "Panties? What the hell do these have to do with Christmas?"

The man smiles and answers "They're Carol's."

This joke is brought to you by [Chainer]
(sorry for the delay since the last update)

Three men are playing golf. The first man to step up to the tee is Jesus. He sights down the green, winds up, and hits the ball. It rolls down the green to a small pond, but as it reaches the edge it merely rolls across the surface of the pond to the other side. 

The second man, Moses, steps up to the tee. He also sights carefully, and hits the ball. It rolls down towards the same pond, but before it reaches it, Moses plants his staff and parts the water, allowing the ball to roll through safely.

The third man steps up to the tee and randomly whacks the ball as hard as he can, not even aiming. It sails through the air and bounces off the windsheild of a car and into the rain gutter of a small shed. It rolls down onto the gree and heads for the same pond Moses and Jesus hit towards. The ball rolls onto a lilly pad and is promply eaten by a large frog. An instant later, an eagle swoops down, grabs the frog, and carries it into the air. The frog lets out a loud croak, and the golf ball flies out, landing in the cup for a hole in one.

Moses looks at Jesus and says: "I hate playing against your dad."

This joke is from [No.]

There are 11 people hanging on a helicopter ladder for dear life. 1 woman, and 10 men. 1 has to let go or they all die. The women hangs her head and says, "I will let go." All the ment start talking about how brave she is when finnally she says, "I make sacrifices every day for my Mother, My Father, My husband, my son, and even my country. One little sacrifice for my friends is a noble way to end life." She said strongly. At the end of her speech, all the men started clapping...

This joke is from [Nekko fox]

One day a man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a glass of white wine. The bartender kindly obliges him and sets the glass down next to the man. The man takes the glass, sniffs it, swills it around in the glass, and the throws it violently into the face of the bartender. Before the bartender could even begin to react, the man broke down and started crying.

"I'm so sorry! I....I just can't help myself! I have some kind of complex or something! Whenever I get a drink, I throw it into the bartenders face! I'm so so sorry!"
The bartender, rather than being angry, smiled and offered to give the poor man the name of a great psychoanalyst that he knew. He then got a piece of paper and wrote down the analysts name, address, and phone number and handed it to the man. Thanking the bartender graciously, he left the bar.

Six months later, the same man walks into the same bar. He sits down and orders some white wine. The bartender walks up, smiling.
"Did you see that psychoanalyst?" He asked.

"I sure did," Said the man, "He helped me a lot!"
The bartender congratulated him and poured the man a glass of white wine. The man took the glass, sniffed it, swilled it in the glass a little, then threw it violently into the face of the bartender.
Dripping, the bartender looked at him flabbergasted.
"Wait! I thought you said that the psychoanalyst helped cure you?!"
"What? Oh, no, he didn't cure me. In fact, I still throw my wine in bartenders faces."
The bartender asked him, "Then if he didn't cure you, then what did the analyst do?"
The man thought for a moment, then replied casually,"I still do it, but I don't feel bad about it anymore!"

^^