Joke courtesy of [B-Raz]

A middle-aged guy bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK. He took off down the road flooring it up to eighty miles an hour and enjoying the wind blowing through his hair. This is great he thought and floored it some more. Than he looked in his rearview mirror and saw a Florida highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and sirens blasting. I can get away from him with no problem thought the man as he floored it some more and flew down the road at over one hundred miles per hour. Than he thought "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing", and pulled over to the side of the road waiting for the state trooper to catch up with him.

"Sir," the trooper said looking at his watch. "My shift ends in thirty minutes and today is friday the thirteenth. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before I'll let you go." The man looked back at the trooper and said "Last week my wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were bringing her back." The trooper said "Have a nice day."

This week's joke is from [Kusu]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

Joke from [I stabbith ye]

Two Gold fish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says "You man the guns, I'll drive"

Joke submitted by [Cheshire Delusion]

A man walks into a bar with a blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a dog, a cat, some gum, a ghost, a demon, an angel, three camels and a piece of string. The bartender looks at the man and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"