[
98% of people say the words "I Love You" Without meaning it...if you are a part of that other 2% put this on Your house]
I'm a mother!!!!!!!
[
.............../''¯/)
............,/¯../ /
.........../..../ /
..../´¯/...../´¯¯.`·¸
./'/.../..../.....:^.¨¯\
('(...´...´.... ¯_/'...'/
\.................'...../
.'\'...\.......... _.·´
...\..............(]
True Friends:
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: cry with you
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Are for life.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Will knock them the fuck out
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would ignore this
[
REAL FRIENDS]: Will repost it
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"
Repost if you laughed
Disorder|Ratin
g
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
Major Depression: High
Dysthymia: High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder: Extremely High
Cyclothymia: Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder: Extremely High
Postpartum Depression: N/A
-----///\\-----Please
----///-\\\----Put This
---|||---|||---On Your
---|||---|||---account If
---|||---|||---You Know
----\\\-///----Someone
-----\\///-----Who Died
------///\-----Of
-----///\\\----Cancer
----///--\\\
___ ______________________________X$=_________________ _______________
________________________________= $$X________________________________
_____________ ___________________J$$$___________________________ _____
________XX_____________________X$$$$X______ _________________________
_________YX____________ ________$$$$$$_______________________________
___ ______X$X__________________=$$$$$$X_______________ _______________
_________X$$L=________________X$$ $$$$X___________________=_X________
__________$$$ $$_______________$$$$$$$X_________________=$F_____ _____
__________X$$$$$L____________X$$$$$$$$_____ _________=J$$X___________
__________X$$$$$$$X____ _______$$$$$$$$____________J$$$$X____________
___ ________Y$$$$$$$L_________X$$$$$$$L_________=_$$$$ $$=____________
___________=$$$$$$$$$=_______$$$$ $$$$$________$$$$$$$$=_____________
____________Y $$$$$$$$L=______$$$$$$$$$X_____X$$$$$$$$F_________ _____
_____________$$$$$$$$$$=_____$$$$$$$$$____= L$$$$$$$$F_______________
______________$$$$$$$$$ $=____$$$$$$$$$___X$$$$$$$$$=________________
___ ___________+$$$$$$$$$$X___=$$$$$$$$__J$$$$$$$$$F__ _______________
_______________X$$$$$$$$$$X___$$$ $$$$$_J$$$$$$$$$F__________________
+$$__________ ___X$$$$$$$$$$__$$$$$$$$F_$$$$$$$$$F______________ _____
__=$$$$$$$$_______$$$$$$$$$$_=$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$X____________________
____+$$$$$$$$$$_=__+$$$ $$$$$$_$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$F______________________
___ ___$$$$$$$$$$$$$=YY$$$$$$$_Y$$$$$$$$$$$$$F________ ____==_=_______
_______=$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$=$$ $$$$$$$$$$=____=_$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$X
_________=$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$==_J$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +=___
___________=$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$X$$$$$$$$XJ$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+=______
_____________=+Y$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$YJ$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$YF__________
___ ______________=$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+ +______________
_____________________$J$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$++=__________________
_____________ __J$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L_=_______________ _____
______________$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$=_________________
___________J$$$$$$$$$$$ $FYL$$$$$$$F$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L=______________
___ ______J$$$$$$$+F+=___X$$$$$$=$$$_Y$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$_____________
_______XF+_____________J$$$$$$=_X $$__=$$$$$_=+$Y$$$$$$$$=___________
_____________ _________X$$$+=_____=$X____+$$X________=+++Y$L____ _____
______________________$=__________$X______Y $______________=_________
______________________= ___________XL_______X________________________
___ _______________________________X$_________________ _______________
_________________________________ __$X_______________________________
_____________ ______________________YX__________________________ _____
___________________________________________ ______________________
21 Ways to keep your sanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape
of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Hard Devon.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!"
"3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."
20. Pay people 25 cents to slap them self
21. Put this in all of your profiles.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
