We're not implementing any of the changes listed in the last News Article (<URL:community_news.html?nrs=121>)! Although I think the message bots would have been pretty cool. Everyone likes having more friends.

Anyway, we hope you had a fantastic Easter and April Fools Day -- and feel free to leave any suggestions over at Redesigning Elfpack and any new site color/design/etc. ideas at Style Requests or .css!

- The Council

Thanks to all your ideas at Redesigning Elfpack, the team have come up with many improvements for the site. Rejoice! All of these will be applied after Tuesday's maintenance.

New site theme! Bored of Elfpack grey? Want some new colours? You got em! ALL OF THEM. Here's a sneak peek of our new Elfpack theme (click for bigger):

Sexier graphics! Sex sells, so in order to increase our ad revenue we're replacing all the graphics with sexier versions. Elfpack with 100% more boobs; what's not to love? Don't worry ladies, we didn't forget about you. Lex Steele himself will be personally modeling the new border image. Get that scrolling finger ready ;)

New image rules! People with a picture are 57% more likely to get involved with the community. That's why you'll only be able to message other members if you've uploaded a picture. If you don't have a picture, all your private messages will be deleted and you won't be able to make comments.

Message bots! Sometimes you just need somebody to talk to... be lonely no more! We're implementing message bots to give some company to lonely members. These bots will send you a hi-message every single day you log in. Don't you feel special now?

LOLSPEEK EBERYWERZ! HOO DUSNT LUV LOLSPEAK? CRAZY PEEPS, THAZ HOO. ALL OFFISHUL PAGEZ AN NEWS ARTICLEZ WILL NAO BE RITTEN IN LOLSPEECH 2 APEEL 2 TEH NEW GENERASHUN OV INTERWEBZ USERS. EMBRACE TEH CAPS LOCK.

Resistanz iz footile.

Spring is just around the corner, so it's time to close our Winter-themed contest.

The winners have been announced: visit Let it Snow! for the full list! Thanks for all the festive entries, and congratulations to all the people who won a prize (all prizes will be given out soon).

Put Elfpack Contests on watch if you don't want to miss our next contest.

After a close call in the polls, the vacant title of Queen of Elfpack has been filled by our well-known and much loved Public Relations Expert -- [Cerulean Sins]!

Also, congratulations to [sammie h!] and [Mortified Penguin] who tied for second, and to [Deg] who gets third place honorable mention.

All prizes will be delivered right away. Thank you to everyone, and once again hail the new Queen of Elfpack!

Check out the Duck Face Contest, our official Valentine's Day Competition, built and moderated by our fantastic PR-Guru [Cerulean Sins]. Join in the contest, make a fun duck face and possibly win come cool prizes.

Contest Deadline: February 21, 2013!

Additionally, the voting for the winners of the Let It Snow! Festive Competitions and the Queen of Elfpack Competition are now open, so go vote for a winner!

It was a very sad day when I took my cat to the vet. The vet looked at me and said, "I'm afraid your cat won't last long. It's the Big C."
"What? Cancer?" I replied.
"No," he answered. "Curiosity."



Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A Dictator!



Two molecules were sitting on a bench,
One said to the other,
"OH NOOOO I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?", replied the other one,
"Yes, I AM POSITIVE."



Q. How much does a polar bear weigh?
A. Enough to break the ice. So how you doin? ;)

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Thanks [Deg] for the first joke, [Midori] for the second, [meismisty] for the third, and [Kaos101] for the questionable chat-up line.

Want to share your favourite jokes on mainstuff? Submit them to Elfpack Jokes!

Did you know that Eagles mate for life?

Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Marlene, his partner for 10 years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. Poor Marlene had been shot dead...

Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate. Since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate.

He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest. The sex was good but all the dove would say is "I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!"
It wasn't long before this got on Harry's nerves, so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.

He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but despite his best efforts all the loon would say is "I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!"
So out with the loon. Once more he flew off to find a mate.

This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest.
This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was
"I am a DRAKE,
You made a MISTAKE....."

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It's an easy mistake to make! Seems like Harry was in for a surprise. Thanks [matty coppick] for submitting this joke.

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."


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Thanks [Cerulean Sins] for this brilliant joke. Let's hope she's not speaking from personal experience :P

To get your joke featured on mainstuff, and a shiny badge, submit to Elfpack Jokes!

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"

"No" her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes" the little girl replied.

"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."

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Thanks [HeAVenShallBuRN] for this submission.

We'd love to hear your favourite jokes, so head on over to Elfpack Jokes and make us laugh!

At last, I have my one true happiness,
The love that I have sought for all these years,
Yet still I feel the pull from the abyss -
My former self, the one my present fears.
About his neck, a cloak of sin he flaunts,
A garment I myself made, thoughtlessly,
With memories of past mistakes, he taunts -
I could not save them, they could not save me;
Those withered ties of friendship, now decayed,
Whose passing I do sometimes pause to mourn.
But now my past must finally be laid
To rest, so I may seize the bright new dawn,
For I can see no brighter future than
Eternity with my sweet Mia-chan.

Written by [Mattachu]

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^{Do you have a poem you'd like to submit? Visit Elfpack Featured Poem!}

My love for you extends futher than the ocean is deep,
Without you I would endlessly weep,
You are the one I shall always keep,
For I even dream of you in my sleep,
My feelings for you were such a sudden sweep,
but I know there are honest not cheap,
I love you so much I wish to scream and leap.

Submitted by: [Stephen]

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^{Do you have a poem you'd like to submit? Visit Elfpack Featured Poem!}

Walking around town, seeing
all the different types of
people all wearing there
rose colored glasses.
Not seeing themselves
cleary and not what
others see them as.
True selfs hidden deep
within us, cold and
close to death.

Written by: [Cerulean Sins]

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^{Do you have a poem you'd like to submit? Visit Elfpack Featured Poem!}

To live in a room that has no doors
No ceiling, walls, windows, or floors
Some call it a prison, a lonely glass cell
For those that are trapped here, it can truly be Hell
No lakes, no shores, no sky or air
Yet they reside here, year after year
Who can be your savior when
No one knows where you exist?
This is a jail cell, this is true,
But everyone has one, even you…

A wicked place, filled with holes
Silently screaming,
Violently bleeding;
Never finding, only leaving
Where are you going,
Where can you stay?
When you find yourself lost,
At the very end of the day
You know nothing around you,
You care about nobody more
Can you feel the earth shake,
Is someone at the door?

And then to awaken,
To forget all that you’ve forgotten
Been lost for so long,
Did you even know you were gone?
The prison that was left behind…
Turns out, it was truly your own mind.

Written by [Deg]

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^{Head on over to Elfpack Featured Poem if you'd like to submit your own.}

Major GEE! Overhaul Coming Soon!

Hey there Elfpackers! After much consideration, I, [Deg], The Grand Goof, have decided to redirect and reconstruct Goofy Elfpackers Elfpacking!. GEE!'s sister wiki, Cool Shades, will also be reopened and officially affiliated.

Until the grand reopening, GEE! will be closed.

ETC is 6/15/13, or about a month.

If you have any suggestions on how to improve GEE!, Cool Shades, or simply have an opinion about the matter in general, please PM me directly.

Until then, Elfpack, keep on being Goofy!

-Much respect, [Deg].

This week we have a double-double feature. Give it up for this lovely pair, [~altopia~] and [Peachirach]!

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Wanna see your picture on Mainstuff?

Do you wanna earn some awesome prizes and
have your name forever listed in GEE! - The Goofy Hall of Fame?

Check out Goofy Elfpackers Elfpacking!

Or simply message [Deg] for more info!

This week we have a grandiose double feature. Give a round of applause for [Alexandra the Great]!

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Wanna see your picture on Mainstuff?

Do you wanna earn some awesome prizes and
have your name forever listed in GEE! - The Goofy Hall of Fame?

Check out Goofy Elfpackers Elfpacking!

Or simply message [Deg] for more info!

Hey, [RabidSphinx]! You're this weeks fantastic double feature. Whoohooo!

---

Wanna see your picture on Mainstuff?

Do you wanna earn some awesome prizes and
have your name forever listed in GEE! - The Goofy Hall of Fame?

Check out Goofy Elfpackers Elfpacking!